Advice on how to deal with neglect (Warning: Teenage-esque drama inside)

[Slarti]

Hi guys.

This is probably not unique in any way, but there is girl in my life I feel is genuinly driving me crazy and I'm not sure how to proceed. Any advise would be appreciated. It involves some teenage-esque drama, so sorry in advance.

Basically, my best friend is a girl on the internet, we've known eachother for about 9 years now online. We've always just been friends, although in the last 3 years we've had some feelings for eachother that goes on /off that had made things complicated. We talk to eachother all the time on msn/skype, all day while I'm at work, and most of the weekends (timezones make it awkward). She said repeatedly she wants me to move to her country, but for various reasons it is too complicated.

However, about 1.5 years ago this changed when she started playing an MMORPG. Since then we've been fighting almost constantly. At the start she became 'friends' with someone who she'd spend 16 hours a day talking to which infuriated me and made me extremely jealous and we would constantly fight. I know it sounds petty given we aren't dating. But, given that we spent 7 years constantly talking every day this really upset me, as I was completely replaced. This was actually only temporary, she dropped him and came back to me a few months later which made me unbelievably happy. But she keeps finding new guys over and over again to replace me with, and the crazy drama starts all over. Inbetween them she showers me with the affection and love I'm used to over the previous 7 years and I become happy again. But then a new guy comes into the picture and it starts all over again. The latest guy is gay, but I am finding myself to be even more enraged now then I was before. Cause now it's not even being driven by some biological need now, it's just straight up replacing me.

I hate how she has such a strong affect on me. For example, it was my birthday yesterday and I was obsessively waiting for her to logon and give me some attention. But she didn't, and I ended up spending the whole day depressed and angry. My facebook is flooded with people telling me to come out with them to celebrate etc but I don't care about any of them, I just want her to logon msn say 'happy birthday' give me a few minutes attention then go dissapear back into her MMORPG. I know this is not rational behavior, but I just can't help it. Nobody else in my life causes me any stress, I'm generally a happy, sociable and confident guy (I actually do very well financially on my own). But, whenever I start thinking about her, which unfortunately is all the time now, I go crazy.

My brain tells me to drop her and move on. I keep trying to: blocking her, telling her I'm leaving her, silently leaving her... repeatedly. But my willpower drops to 0 after maybe a few weeks at most (usually days) and I come crawling back to her apologizing. I freaking hate this, but I cant' help myself. And it's been going on for 1.5 YEARS now, the stress has taken a really bad toll on me, both on my health as well as my profession. I don't have this problem with anyone else, I can think of a couple of times in my life where a real or internet friend has crossed a major line and I dropped them in a heartbeat, with no hesitation or regrets. But I cant' do this with her.

I'm not a young person (28), I'm not stupid, I'm not emotionally underdeveloped. But this girl has the uncanny ability to change me from being a normal happy person into this ugly, angry, creature and I hate being like this. She has always been extremely fickle with her affection with all the guys in her life, and I've known this and it never bothered me before, but now it does.

• I tried dating again, with several different girls. I never let it go more then 1 or 2 dates because I can't stop thinking about this girl on the internet on the other side of the planet. Real girls who want to have real sex and I can't even get myself to care cause I'm too busy obsessing over this girl on the internet I'll never meet.
• I've tried taking a long break from talking from her (2 months was the longest I managed), but I miss her like crazy the whole time and eventually I come back.
• Tried boozing / smoking pot. Helps but only temporary, and I don't really want to damage my body by doing that stuff often.
• I thought about moving to her country and asking her to marry me. But, even though I love her, I know I'll be just as equally crazy if she continues to put these random guys on the internet ahead of me, and she most definitely will.

What the **** do I do? I think I'm developing some kind of mental issue.

[smackie9]

Your brain is right, just end it. This has become most unhealthy. LDR's are a waste. You can do way better by meeting someone irl.

[searock]

I would advise you to cut all contact with this girl, but since you have already tried to do so several times with no results, I suggest you get counseling to help you out of this obsession. I think you just need a different perspective.

[Cerby]

I would advise you book some time with a counsellor to talk this one out. It sounds like you've put someone you've never met up on this huge pedestal, and now no one in your REAL life can live up to it. I don't doubt some psychological damage either in the past or as a result of this. As a 27 year old man who has made friends on the internet, dated girls from the internet, and am living with someone who I met online, I can tell you that at some point you need to just hit "block" and then "delete" and never look back. As long as you have this girl built up the way she is, you're wasting your real life on it.