Why did he behave that way after I confessed ?

[Anna18]

Hello !

I�m at university and I met aguy almost a year ago in class: he is the one that approached me at school. We talked, he asked for my number, and started to kind of chase me � talking to me a lot, joining me for lunch every day, he was being extremely nice and sweet. He also tried to spend time alone with me by inviting me over to his place for various reasons or asking me on walks and stuff quite often � but I didn�t know him well, it kind of scared me out. I never accepted these invitations, always found excuses� I accepted once (an evening, a movie ) but acted shy and a bit distant, I stupidly escaped just after the movie because I was afraid he would try to make a move on me.... he had made it obvious he wanted it to be just him and me.

The strange thing is I did like him already, but I needed to go very slow I guess because of my fears, it takes me time to feel comfortable with a guy.
After 5-6 weeks or so his behavior changed, he suddenly became super distant even when I was making efforts to be friendly to him and initiate contact, he seemed to avoid/ ignore me, although sometimes he was staring, and being nice again � and I was falling deeper and deeper for him � somehow we still managed to talk to each other again and became kind of good friends. We spent time together, shared nice moments. I felt like we had a lot in common and kind of a connection. He still behaved in a way that sometimes made me feel like maybe he felt stg more for me (ambiguous behavior, sweet or flirty things ) but, despite of this and of the fact that my friends were telling me it was obvious he had stg for me, I was too scared to tell him how I felt.... i was afraid of being rejected and loosing his friendship. He was hot and cold.

I had to move away in December, he knew it from the beginning cause it had been planned for a while. One week before leaving I was at a friend�s party and he was there as well� We left the party at the same time and I managed to find the courage to talk to him about all of this. I asked him how he had felt and told him I had been confused. He seemed embarrassed, avoidant. He kind of denied at first, and eventually he kind of admitted his interest but said that me having to leave had been an issue...then i told him i had developed feelings for him and he said he had the same. But even if he was acting/talking nicely I could see he looked a bit annoyed by me bringing up the topic. He took me home, and after this day, he almost stopped talking to me, only when there was a good/practical reason, whereas we used to talk way more.

The goodbyes were awkward and short. I mean he was being nice to me of course but I could feel he was being a bit distant, closed, and didn�t want to spend time with me. I've had warmer goodbyes with people I hadn't been that close to and spent less time with. I thought he was my friend and I got attached to him so in a way it hurt� Now I�m far away and we don�t talk anymore. I have been disappointed at first but then I accepted it and moved on� He asked news from me maybe once or twice the very first months but not much, and he also did a few stupid jerky things that hurt me, so I couldn't even consider him as a friend anymore...I had to cut contact to preserve myself. Now the friendship is totally over.

I just wonder why his behavior changed so radically after I confessed. Can you guys please give me your opinion on this ? Do you think he didn't actually like me ...or was annoyed by me confessing that late ? Thank you in advance !

[michelle23]

coz he thinks its pointless now when your moving away.

[Anna18]

Thanks for your opinion. Well, I understand he didn't want to go long distance, but he still could have stayed my friend. There was no need to distance himself like this in my opinion. I didn't even ask him to start a relationship, I told him I wanted this discussion because I just needed to know, to clear things up before leaving. Well, somehow of course, if he would have wanted to start stg I would have gone for it, cause I really cared for him, but I didn't tell him and that wasn't really the point of the "talk".

But oh well, that's how life goes i guess...

[searock]

He's annoyed because he wasted over a month courting you and all you did was reject him, and you only told him that you were interested in him AFTER he had finally accepted that you weren't interested, and immediately before your departure (which would have made anything between the two of you pointless).

Next time, don't wait so damn long to tell a guy how you feel.

[HDBadger]

He's annoyed because he wasted over a month courting you and all you did was reject him, and you only told him that you were interested in him AFTER he had finally accepted that you weren't interested, and immediately before your departure (which would have made anything between the two of you pointless).

Next time, don't wait so damn long to tell a guy how you feel.

Exactly. You basically flat out rejected him for a while. Do you really expect him to keep being interested in you?

It's a mystery to me why women do this. You can go slowly through the courting process without sending out signs of disinterest. No decent guy who respects himself is going to put up with a cold woman.

[Wakeup]

Well, I understand he didn't want to go long distance, but he still could have stayed my friend.

Why? He wanted a gf or at the very least someone to have sex with for the short term (while you both were at school) He obviously didn't want another platonic friend and you made it abundantely clear that you weren't up for casual sex. He started backing off the minute he got the vibe that 'this' wasn't going anywhere.

No regrets. You're not the type to have flings so just tuck the memory of him away and get on with your life. No harm, no foul... just dont' expect guys to want to stick around to be your friend. It could happen but its not in your best interests to 'expect' they do.

[The Magi]

He's annoyed because he wasted over a month courting you and all you did was reject him, and you only told him that you were interested in him AFTER he had finally accepted that you weren't interested, and immediately before your departure (which would have made anything between the two of you pointless).

Next time, don't wait so damn long to tell a guy how you feel.

I think we have a winner... The fact is that regardless of your intentions it probably looked like you playing some kind of game. Not to be rude but think about it, when he was acting interested you backed away, then you acted interested, he dropped a few hints to make his feelings known and you didn't reciprocate. Then finally when it was too late for anything meaningful you told him you had feelings for him. It all sounds a bit confusing to me.

Remember, love is like an apple, you never know if it's sour or not untill you take a bite lol

[HeartIsAching]

He's annoyed because he wasted over a month courting you and all you did was reject him, and you only told him that you were interested in him AFTER he had finally accepted that you weren't interested, and immediately before your departure (which would have made anything between the two of you pointless).

Next time, don't wait so damn long to tell a guy how you feel.

Pretty much exactly what I was thinking.

He thought you were playing games because you weren't responding to him, then when it seemed pointless you started paying attention to him, but still didn't tell him you had feelings for him until it was too late to do anything about it, as you are moving away.

Now he just wants to move on.

The lesson from this? Communicate.

[Anna18]

Alright ... It really wasn't my intention to play with him, I hadn't even realized he could have felt that way...I was simply too scared to tell him; I know, it's quite stupid. Thank you a lot for giving me your opinion... Next time I will be more encouraging and if necessary, openly confess my interest when it's still time ...

[searock]

I understand that you didn't intend to play games and were just scared, but some people don't understand that because they wouldn't be scared... it is possible that he thought you were playing games because of this reason. Regardless of your motives, the point is that you failed to communicate effectively that you were interested in him. You waited too long, and only told him once it was too late. No wonder he isn't interested anymore.

I'm glad that you learned your lesson and that next time you won't let insecurities get in the way of what you want.

[Wakeup]

Look at it this way, OP. There would have been a hell of a lot more heartache if you had jumped in with both feet, fell in love and then had to move away and couldn't be with him.

I think your gut was telling you something when it made you afraid to become vulnerable to him. Really, what would be the point of an innocent and shy girl like you putting yourself out there only to move away? Like I said, no regrets. Anything with this guy would have been short term at best and I don't think you're the type to be flinging.

Be well, but do learn the lesson about NOT playing games when you want something and it's worth wanting.