My best friend refused my proposal

[rohit20]

Hey guys and gals, I seriously need your help with this, so please reply positively. So, I met this girl as a new commer to my class and as my deskmate. Soon we were talking regularly and turned out to be very good, infact best friends. In no time I was attracted by her simplicity and beauty and started liking her. She also showed interest and began being frank and physically intimate to me. We shared lots of good time together, it was all just excellent. We used to be together all the time and all the people around us started thinking that we were having an affair, although none of us had proposed to each other. So, 2008 ended like this. Now when we met in school again this year, I felt that my love was ever increasing towards her. Then recently we went to a school trip where I could no longer keep it in and I asked her out. I was 99% sure that she would say yes. But she gave me a complete shock by saying she never felt that way. I was heartbroken but still I bore it. Later when we came back to school today, my biggest enemy proposed to her and she happily agreed. This all has left me completely heart-broken and sad. Someone please help me and tell me what to after such a terrible double tragedy. More problems arise now: She's my own classmate and still tends to talk to me. And although I try to keep away from her, something or the other happens which again brings her in front of me. My other class mates still think that i'm with her and tease me by her name and break my heart further. Moreover, that enemy guy has turned the situations worse. He pops up anytime when i'm alone and mocks me of my failure. He reminds me i've turned out to be a looser and HE'S WITH HER NOW. Its painful and I'm still living in this situation. Please help!!! Sorry but more's there: She still wants to talk to me which seriously hurts me. She stills holds my arms and leans on me as she earlier used to(although I keep away). What's more, we're not only in the same class but in the same house too; both of our names start with "R", so we both have consecutive roll numbers and we have to share seats for practical classes. So I end up looking at her all the time, and what I feel is only my ever increasing love for her which is still increasing!!!!!!!!! I want to stop myself from loving her that's it. Moreover, it seems that sh's not taken my proposal quite seriously. Even after she had refused me, she behaved as if nothing had happened!!!! She does not know how much her refusal has hurt me and if I go and talk to her about this, its gonna hurt even more. What do I do now??????? I've already written that talking to her hurts even more. I don't know why but I'm afraid something bad will happen if I again talk about my proposal to her. She just behaves as if nothing has happened! We've never talked about IT anytime after it took place. So talking about it to HER is no use. Today too, she tried to talk to me, it hurt me so much. Whenever she talks to me, I get reminded of the harsh fact that she dosen't love me. So I ignored her. But when I look at her again, I still feel tonnes of love for her inside my heart, and reminding myself that its only one-sided stings me a lot. Moreover, that enemy guy is still hanging out with her, so there's no way i can let out my depression to her in front of HIM. Any solution?

[somethingelse]

there is nothing you can do. only time can heal your pain. just keep moving forward and dont give up. so she wasnt the girl for you. so what? you'll and someone. and they will make you very happy. till then you just have to go on with you life. i know it's hard but you can do it!

[carl1222]

Attraction has a "mind" of it's own, rohit. As your very close friend, I'm sure she would have been pleased if she also thought of you "that way" so you could have a relationship ... but she doesn't, and there's nothing you or she can do about that. It's just plain rotten luck.

If your "enemy" is really a bad guy, then she soon will regret the fact that she IS attracted to him. Again, there is nothing she can do about it.

I want you to remember two things:

1) Attraction is a complex, irrational process and her lack of romantic attraction for you does not in any way reflect on your value as a person or a potential boyfriend; and

2) Her attraction to someone you strongly dislike should not be taken by you in any way as an attack on you personally.

This one did not work out for you, "them's the breaks" sometimes, the next one probably will.

Good luck.

Carl.

[rohit20]

Thanks somethingelse! Thanks carl! It was really nice of you to share your kind advice with me in such a heartbreaking and difficult situation. Yup, you're right that i should move on, but it is almost impossible as she's my own classmate and still tends to talk to me. And although I try to keep away from her, something or the other happens which again brings her in front of me. My other class mates still think that i'm with her and tease me by her name and break my heart further. Moreover, that enemy guy has turned the situations worse. He pops up anytime when i'm alone and mocks me of my failure. He reminds me i've turned out to be a looser and HE'S WITH HER NOW. Its painful and I'm still living in this situation. Please help!!!

[somethingelse]

dont let your enemy know he bugs you. the thing about jerks like that, they live on the joy of others pain. It makes them feel good. dont give it. I know it hard but if he knows he's getting to you it will only get wrost. if he doesnt he'll get board and leave you alone. same goess with your classmates. just let them be, dont even agknaloge there jokes.

even with this plan your still gonna need to vent. do it here or in a notebook or where ever. you just have to let it out.

also if you dont want to spend time with the girl then dont. if you do thats fine.

time can fix anything. think about it this way. school ends, people move on, and things become the past. there is happiness in you future you have to keep going when it's hard to find it. If he's really as jerky as you make him sound i'm sure at some point she'll dump him. and your not a loser. if anyones a loser it's him for calling you one.

[Unikatze]

If you need some time to get over her, you just need to talk to her and explain the situation. Get in her face, tell her the way you felt for her and explain that since she isn't available you'd appreciate if she could give you some space. It might be hard, but at least she will keep her distance, making it a bit easier on you.
Communication is key.

[luvispower]

do u have other girl friends? try to stick to them more and maybe you'll fall for 1 of them and forget this one.

[rohit20]

Hey....thanks for being there somethingelse and all but the problems are still there. somethingelse says that i should not let the enemy guy know he bugs me, but he does bug me, and he knows that. He's been doing it ever since I came to know him, and he's been doing so coz I'm a rival for him in academics and this is way of dominating me. He acts very innocent in front of HER, and I think she believes him. Actually, she has not taken this proposal thing very seriously. Even after she had refused me, she behaved as if nothing had happened!!!! She does not know how much her refusal has hurt me and if I go and talk to her about this, its gonna hurt even more. And moreover, I do not have any other girlfriends becoz i had completely dedicated myself towards her(believing that she loved me too) so meanwhile itz no use thinking about others. I just want to forget HER...........Please help!!!!!.......!!!!!!

[Cbrider]

Shes doing you a favor by acting like nothing happened, it will keep your world spinning in a sense rather than collapsing.

I've been down the road you're on. 5 years ago, I completely fell for a girl who is one of my best friends. We hung out and were pretty close and I tried to step it up. It was mediocre and ended up not working out and I held some deep resent over it. I got past that and started talking to her again like a year later. We have been great friends since then.

Over Thanksgiving last year she was in town, back from school. She straight up told me she wanted to date me, that she still holds strong feelings for me. I had to look her in the eyes and watch her cry as I explained that I had changed and no longer felt those feelings towards her. It takes a lot to bring me down, watching her cry just about did me in.

Life and attraction are twisted, strange processes we will never fully understand. You will get past this like every other painful experience life throws at you. She is really helping you out by trying to keep things normal, believe me.

[rohit20]

Thanks Cbrider. That was some advice. But how can I get on with it when she's around me all the time. I hardly spend a second in which I don't think of her.....Everything around me reminds me of her: My(our) favourite song (which is a love duet), My handwriting(which somehow, is almost like hers) and all such stuff...What do I do in such a helpless situation?

[LoveHurts09]

no pain no gain, u figure it out... goodluck

[Cbrider]

Thanks Cbrider. That was some advice. But how can I get on with it when she's around me all the time. I hardly spend a second in which I don't think of her.....Everything around me reminds me of her: My(our) favourite song (which is a love duet), My handwriting(which somehow, is almost like hers) and all such stuff...What do I do in such a helpless situation?

Time.

Your going through an infatuation stage, it will fade as time passes. Take it from me, I learned a hard lesson not to date co-workers. I work with my ex and her boyfriend, it use to bother the hell out of me, now I find it amusing because I get to sit back and realize how lucky I am to not be involved with her anymore.

Hang in there, chin up, eyes forward, the world keeps turning.

[all alone]

Yeah listen to Cbrider, he def knows what he is talking about and i can second that, i have been there to and trust me, she is doing the right thing. In fact i have been there twice (i dont learn easily haha), but in all seriousness, you need to give yourself as much space from her as possible. I suggest maybe u even talk to her about, she will probably understand and give you some until your able to continue your friendship at a healthy pace.

[Aeradalia]

There are three things you can do to 'get over her':

(1) You can try to keep yourself preoccupied with other things... hang out with other people until the infatuation stage fades away and you can think clearly again...

(2) You can tell her how her rejection hurt you greatly and you would like for her to give you the space you need to 'get over her.' In this fashion she will help by not feeding your false hope.

(3) You can sever all ties with her -- friendship included, possibly turning her into an enemy. It's harder to be infatuated with someone who doesn't like you very much. Also, your advances will be rejected with a bit of pain... thus making you less opted to try again.

It's up to you what you want to do. Options 1 and 2 still leave open the possibility of friendship in the future... option 3 doesn't.

[rohit20]

Hi all alone and others! Thanks for the advice. But I've already written that talking to her hurts even more. I don't know why but I'm afraid something bad will happen if I again talk about my proposal to her. She just behaves as if nothing has happened! We've never talked about IT anytime after it took place. So talking about it to HER is no use. Today too, she tried to talk to me, it hurt me so much. Whenever she talks to me, I get reminded of the harsh fact that she dosen't love me. So I ignored her. But when I look at her again, I still feel tonnes of love for her inside my heart, and reminding myself that its only one-sided stings me a lot. Moreover, that enemy guy is still hanging out with her, so there's no way i can let out my depression to her in front of HIM. Any solution?