Do you think he sees me as a friend or more?

[lazyblue]

Ok, I feel kinda stupid for posting this thread given that I am 24 years old...
When I was about 14/15 a guy I went to school with asked me out. I really fancied him but turned him down because I just could not be bothered to be in a relationship at that age. We weren't great friends at school, but hung out in the same social circles. Up until recently the last time I saw him was when we were 16. I must admit, every now and then over the last 8 years I occasionally thought "what if". But I was in a great relationship with a man I loved and thought I would be spending the rest of my life with, so it was never anything more than a fleeting thought.

Fast forward to almost 3 weeks ago, my (now) ex dumped me after 6 years of a great relationship, completely out of the blue because he thinks he has fallen out of love with me. I tried to talk to my friends about it but felt like none of them understood what I was going through because it seems they have all either just been in short term relationships or have just been and still are in one long term relationship. The only person I could think of who had been through a similar thing was this guy I used to go to school with. He works in the same city I live in so that was helpful too as I needed a hug and I don't really have any friends near where I live. I met up with him and it didnt feel awkward at all, bearing in mind i havent seen/spoken to him in 8 year-and even then we weren't particualry good friends. We chatted for about 3 hours about both of our exes. Although he was dumped about 8 months ago he said he wasn't ready for another relationship (and neither am I, might I add).

Since then we have met up for lunch a couple of times. I'm still sort of in the process of talking about my ex as the breakup is so recent. The poor guy has been great with putting up with me these past few weeks! I'm beginning to think I like him and I think he likes me, but I'm not really sure because I've only been in 1 serious relationship so flirting ect isn't something I have much experience of.

The first time we went to lunch it was my idea, the second time it was his. He texts me most days to see how I'm doing and just to tell me little things about his day. He was invited to come to an event recently but he didn't want to go. When I was invited i told him I was going and that he should come, so he said ok. A few weeks ago I mentioned I wanted to see a film that hasn't been released yet. I had forgotten I had said about that until he the other day when he said it's been released now so we have plans to go next week. We were both just talking generally and he said he loves snow boarding and I said I've always fancied giving it a go and he said we should go some time (there's a place in England you can do it on proper snow or something)... These are all reasons I have to think he likes me.

At the same time, he's obviously a pretty decent guy if he was willing to meet up with me initially when I hadn't seen him in like 8 years and it was just because I needed someone to talk to (I felt so guilty, like I was using him or something, but I had no one else to talk to). He is probably thinking that I am no where near ready to date because my breakup is quite recent- although I am moving on now and told his that when I saw him last. Plus he said when we first met up he wasn't ready to date. So I don't know, maybe he is just trying to be a good friend- he has been there so much for me, more than anyone else.

So yeah, I mean I'm not completely clueless, he obviously enjoys spending time with me, but maybe he feels like I'm a "safe" friend to have because I am not over my ex yet so he could suggest "couply" things to do but it won't feel like a date because of my recent breakup.

...I hope that makes sense, I feel a bit stupid for asking this, like I should have learnt to read the signs already, but I guess that's what happens when you have been in a 6 year relationship from the age of 18.

Many thanks guys

Like I said, I'm not ready to date just yet, I want to make sure I don't use him as a rebound relationship, but would like to maybe one day in the not too distant future.

[lahnnabell]

Keep things at the steady pace they're going. Don't try to initiate a "Where is this going?" conversation because it's still far too early. Right now, enjoy being in the company of a good guy. Keep it casual and don't put yourself in a position where you could end up sleeping together just yet. If you think this might go somewhere rely on the chemistry you two have to guide you. However, give yourself enough space to do things for yourself. Don't spend every waking moment with him because you do still need time to heal. You don't want this relationship to be a band-aid for your hurt feelings (aka rebound).

Seems like you're emotionally mature enough to accept what happened during the break-up because you're not doing the typical crazy ex-stalker stuff that most women do in the weeks following a serious split.

[lazyblue]

Keep things at the steady pace they're going. Don't try to initiate a "Where is this going?" conversation because it's still far too early. Right now, enjoy being in the company of a good guy. Keep it casual and don't put yourself in a position where you could end up sleeping together just yet. If you think this might go somewhere rely on the chemistry you two have to guide you. However, give yourself enough space to do things for yourself. Don't spend every waking moment with him because you do still need time to heal. You don't want this relationship to be a band-aid for your hurt feelings (aka rebound).

Seems like you're emotionally mature enough to accept what happened during the break-up because you're not doing the typical crazy ex-stalker stuff that most women do in the weeks following a serious split.

Ooooh thanks for the quick reply yeah I definately want to take it veeeeeery slowly. Sleeping with him (and anyone) is definitely right out of the question for me for quite a while. That wouldn't be a problem, if he did fancy me he would be the type of guy who would be prepared to wait (well, he will be gone if he isn't)...lol, I font even know if he fancies me yet! You're absolutely right, I need to keep my distance a bit so it doesn't turn into a rebound relationship. That shouldn't be too hard because he lives about an hour away by train, so at the mo I am just meeting him once a week in his lunch break and then a couple of times after work- again once a week.

I must admit I did sort of do the stalker thing with my ex (nothing too bad compared to some people though) it was just two emails...they weren't begging emails and they weren't angry or anything, I just felt like I had a couple of things to say to him and then the second one saying we should sort out our shared stuff. He didn't reply to either so I have taken the hint that he is trying to move on and I am just setting him back- which I don't want to do...the ball is in his court now to get incontact if/when he is ready. I found it weirdly freeing, like now I know he is trying to move on I can do the same.

One other question, this guy is very similar to my Ex (kinda quiet but confident, well driven, a bit geeky, I think they might even wear the same glasses!) Is that werid or not a very good idea to get into a relationship with some similar to an ex? I mean my ex was a wonderful person, we had a fantastic relationship- even our breakup was "nice". So although a lot of people would mean it as an insult to say someone is like thier ex, i mean it as a pretty high compliment. But im worried im just trying to replace him. I've always kinda liked this guy before I even met my ex, so I am sure I like him for who he is, not because he is like my ex- if that makes sense

[lahnnabell]

Don't be worried about whether or not he's like your ex. Might just be the type of guy you're into and this guy happens to be available. Don't over-analyze that stuff.

[lazyblue]

Ok thanks. I tend to over analise everything, it's annoying