've known him for two years now. We met at a summer camp, where we both worked. I fell for him and it was the first time I felt something like that, but nothing happened. I even revealed my feelings to him but he ignored it.The next summer we met again, and we had an affair. He was sweet and caring, and finally we ended up as lovers, but I knew it couldn't last - we live in different countries and the camp came to an end. The last evening he seemed not to pay any attention to me, so I decided to show him I'm an independent girl and that I don't care about him - because I was so scared to him this was only a summer fling, and I didn't want to feel used.
So I kissed another guy in front of him, and then we had an argument and I shouted at him, and basically I acted like a psycho (for the first time in my life). And then he left, and i haven't seen him since then.
The problem is that I really liked him, and I'm afraid he liked me too, and I feel so terrible that after all that lovely time we had together - long walks, long conversations etc. he remembers me as an idiot and a psycho.
In a few days I'm going to his country and I will be close to where he lives. I have this crazy idea to visit him and tell him that I'm sorry. I know it may be too late to fix anything after over 3 months, but I just think he's a wonderful guy and I don't want him to remember me as an idiot. I want to explain it and tell him I'm sorry, and that we should be friends. I feel really bad after what I did and I can't stop thinking about that.
So do you think I should knock at his door unexpectedly and ask him for a minute, and say sorry? I'm aware that he may be cold and distant, and I shouldn't expect that we hook up again. I think I'm still in love with him, but I need to take responsibility for what I've done. Still I want to apologize and be able to move on...do you think it makes sense at all? Please, let me know what you think. I only have a few days left to make the decision.