I dont kno what to do/what went wrong?

[RainyNite]

Me and my b/f have been in a long distance relationship now for about 2 1/2 years.We love each other very much and I go out there for 3/4 months at a time.Last time I was there something happend and we had like our first real argument.I couldnt get over it so easily. He tried and tried to say sorry and love me but I just fell further away,I see now that was a huge mistake. After a while I started to not worry or care about that problem anymore and me and him got back to normal pretty much.Then I left so go home thinking wow things are finally changing! (While I was there we were talking about getting a house and getting married soon) and he is very afraid of commitment so I was thinking wow you kno,we are really getting better! Then about a few days ago I told him things felt diffrent this time (he took it the wrong way) I meant I dont really feel worried about things but I didnt exacly say it like that,and he got upset so I did too..and everything just all went downhill from there..He started saying how I would never forget that problem and how it would ruin us forever and nothing would be the same.After that I felt as if I had lost him for good,that was the worst feeling I ever had..He said later on he needed space but he still loved me alot and missed me...I dont see how much space someone thats in a relationship like ours needs but Oh well..So he pretty much ignored me and showed no emotion twords me..I have to force him to tell me he loves me (he says being mushy while im gone makes it harder for us) I think diffrently..anyway last night I called him up and said that all this was really stupid and dumb and why are we doing this and asked him if he really loves me why doesnt he ever wanna talk to me or tell me he loves me without me having to make him-im all thats just weird. He said that he is trying to figure out if we could ever get married.Im all how are you supposed to kno or think you will (he thinks he doesnt make me happy now and everytime i try and tell him he does he doesnt think he will in 5 years from now and so on) and that just really makes me mad..I kno i love him now-He says we need more than love to work things out and i just dont understand..We have a pretty big age diffrence.Im 18 and he is almost 32,age doesnt matter to us,but he thinks il cahnge ALOT in a few years,but I know how I feel..He always sorda brakes up with me to when I go back home but then 2 weeks later he always wants me back ..Its like this time he is just doubting everything and being jerky TRYING to make it not work when I am trying so hard and I love him so much and he can see that...everything was GREAT a few weeks ago then all of a sudden BAM...I dont know what went wrong or how to make it right-But I kno I love him and I just want all this stupid stuff to stop and me and him love each other..I may be young but I know how my heart feels..and its hurts so bad without him..I just want him back and for us to be normal..

[lovegoesone]

i might probably know what you are going thru... i met this one guy.. he is now 22 and i'm 17... i couldn't tell him that i love him, coz i thought that he might think i'm a little bit young for him..and also, i'm not so sure about his feeling for me and plus, we are miles and miles apart. when it comes to love, age and the distant doesn't matter. But every step that we took, every little breathe that we have left. Tell him not to let that get in the two of your way.. It's fate that brought you to together. Try to work out okay,
good luck

[RainyNite]

Thanks alot,I was starting to think no one was going to help me out or give me any words of incouragement I just wish he would stop being scared of commitment and just let us be together.

[squirrley]

I think you should give him some time, its hard to see it when youre in it, I know. But the age difference may not seem like a big deal right now. But at his age, hes thinking a WHOLE range of things, not just this week, but all kinds of things that seem so irrelevant to us women, arent to them.

I have to say that if youre always having to ask him if he loves you, then theres a problem. And I dont know where the breakdown is there, insecurities or what. But women at 18 and men at 30 something think alot differently when it comes to relationships. Long distance is difficult enough, let alone, having to deal with sometimes petty issues.

Do you ever ask yourself WHY it is, when HE breaks up with you its just a matter of a couple of weeks of him coming back? Im wondering where the healthy part of this relationship is? From what you say, its like as long as everyone is lovey dovey and doesnt say anything on how they really feel, everything is ok, but the second you want to COMMUNICATE it goes to the shitter, or vice versa. You have to have communication in a relationship without the other person feeling a direct personal hit.
If you cant speak whats on your mind, then youre headn for a disaster.

Normal? I dont know what relationship is normal to be honest. Why dont you give this some time, give him some space that he obviously needs whether you want to or not, by forcing yourself on him youre going to push him farther away from you. If you are truly in love with him, do it for him. Then see what happens. Im not suggesting you put your life on hold, but if you want a chance, you need to look at some real hard core issues in this relationship. COMMUNICATION for one, respect, trust, etc. You guys sound like you need some down time.

Maybe not what you want to hear, but take some time for yourself and evaluate what you want as well. Do you really want to force feed him to tell you he loves you? Think about it ALL!!!

Goodluck!

[RainyNite]

I kno your probably right-Its just so hard to not talk to him cause I love him and miss him-I kno we both need time.I kno no relationship is "normal or perfect" and he seems to think one should be.But all I meant by it is I wish we could be how we normally are,and stop being so dumb about stupid things. Thanks you two for the advice,I really do appreciate it .