A female point of view would really help!

[giedosst]

Hi Love Forum!

I hope I can get some real female prospective on my current issue! Anyway, I am in love with a very dear friend that used to live across the street from me for 2 years while we where in college. We have both graduated and moved, her in with her boyfriend and me back home with my parents till employment opportunities arise. I have grown very close to this person and have for the last 2 years have had feels for her, but due to her current relationship and my respect towards it, I have never told her. I have so many things in common with her, and I feel a connection with her that I have never felt with anybody before. We live about 40 miles apart and over the last year we have gotten together for coffee to catch up. During one of the last visits she expressed concern for her current life, and relationship, and what direction her and her boyfriend are going. She wants to go to grade school and had always wanted to move to the pasific northwest, while he wants to stay in the area(which she hates!) for another two yeas which she hates! I just listened at this point providing advice, still respecting her space and relationship. A few months passed and I found out that I am very close to nailing a job down in Portland Oregon, and two weeks ago went out their to visit a mutual friend and realized that I could be very happy their. I am now ready to go out their either as soon as I get a job or July with my family what ever comes first. I was also ready to never speak of my feelings again, when on Easter she called me and said that she was going to a concert and had a spare ticket. Unfortunately the timing did'nt work out, but we setup a time to get together and catch up as always. I realized then and their that if I didn't tell her how I felt I would always regret it and never really know how she felt. The day came along and we got together. We talked for 2 and a half hours and a great time! We talked about music, writing and life and I showed her pictures of my trip to which she told me she really wanted to visit Portland, and told me more about her doubts about her current place in life and her boyfriends lack of desire to make their relationship work. I listened and provided advice and an open ear as always. I then told her that I will be leaving either very soon or at the latest 3 months, an that before I go I needed to tell her that I was in love with her and have been for the last 2 years. I told her that I hesitated telling her because of her current relationship and respect for her, but I also told her that I never met anybody like her, nor had a connection with anybody like with her, and that she was very very special. I also said I didn't expect her to just drop her life and be with me but I wanted to tell her otherwise I would never have know and regretted it. Her face turned about 6 shades of red and she got very quite. She then smiled and said that she was very happy and glad I told her and that the analogy I used for my feelings for her, like trying to push a beach ball down in the water, and that it keeps coming back up, was very dead on and that she had those feelings before too! She said she didn't expect it and never noticed or suspected my feelings for her. I told her I tried to hid the as best I could, but the past they did get the best of me. She said she didn't really know what she wanted. I told her that I wanted to see her again before I left, and she said she would like that as well! She gave me her correct e-mail address and stumbled out of the diner we were at. I first reaction is to contact her again but my heart and gut tell me to give her space and let this sink in. Like I said I am very in love with her. We share many many things from our love of music, outlook on life and direction. I make her laugh and she makes me laugh a lot! I feel deep down in my heart that I did the right thing and that regardless of what happens I can say this will not be a regret. I love her very much and everyday without her is so very long. I can see myself being with her for a very very long time, but I don't know if thats just me or really the case. I want to tell her to come to Portland with me and let me spend the rest of my life making her feel just how special she really is, but I know I can't! All of this happened 2 days ago and they have been the longest 2 days of my life!

Blarg!

[alovehangoverr]

I'm not sure what you're looking for her.. well, ok, that's a lie-- my guess is you want someone to tell you that the relationship can work, she'll leave her boyfriend and come to Portland with you, etc..

However, no one can really tell you what she's going to do with that information. As it stands, you're moving away and she's still living with her boyfriend. If I were you, I wouldn't expect much to change. Going from friendship to relationship is hard as it is-- going from friendship to long distance relationship, I'd imagine, is much more difficult.

[giedosst]

Yea I think your right! While she told me shes not opposed to a long distance relationship, and she really doesn't know with complete certainty where and what she wants to do, these blinding facts are still facts and a lot of pretty improbable things would have to happen before anything like i wish would happen would! Blarg!