Advice needed!

[Limefan]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months now. Hes 27 im 24

He tells me hes only been in love once before with his first 'proper' girlfriend. He was 18 and I think they ended when he was 19/ 20. They lived together. Hes had several/ many relationships since then, one was for a year and a half, all he says he thought he loved at the time but never really did. So she is very much the only real love he has had so far.

He has told me recently (when ive asked) that he felt more for his first girlfriend then he does for me (at the time when he was seeing her compared to how he feels for me now- I know he doesnt want to be with her now as she has moved on with kids etc) and that in time he may feel more for me.

I feel like hes settling for me. I was with my ex for 2 years and I feel more for my current boyfriend in 5 months than I did for my ex. So I dont know how to understand how hes thinking. When I ask to speak about it more he backtracks what he says and then says he loves me more than her etc etc.

Any advice?

[rafterman]

He sounds really confused, and possibly regretting his past with his ex gfs. Hindsight is 20/20 vision. I still think about girls I should have married but did'nt. However if my current gf told me she liked her ex bf more than me, it would not go down well. What was your reaction when he said that to you?

[Single]

Shock really, then when I got upset he took it all back. Didn't really know what to make of it and still don't. Ive spoke to him about it last night and asked him if he'll ever be in love with me as much as he was with her and he said yes he will. Which in itself is admitting that he doesnt at the moment.

I'm really confused what to do as he backtracks what he says when I talk about it.

Do you feel more for your exs than you do for your current partner?

[rafterman]

Did you just change your posting name? He does"nt sound real confident in his love for you from what you have said.Well Idont have a current partner but when I do or did, I made sure I did'nt have any residual feelings for my ex's. Talking about x bf/gf in relationship is a big turnoff.IMO. What do you really think?Does he compare you to them(his x's)?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Pull back from the relationship. Start looking for other guys until he starts showing you that he's more serious about you.

[smackie9]

Its only been 5 months, you haven't invested much into this relationship....get out, don't think it will improve...you are only kidding yourself...hes only in this relationship for the steady supply of sex. I know a lot of guys that have relationship just for that purpose.....you just busted him.

[Limefan]

rafterman
No he never compares me, doesn't ever speak about his ex's unless I ask him, and even then hes reluctant to talk about them as he doesn't feel they're important, which I know is true. But unfortunately due to what happened in 'my' first relationship I like to know about ex's and I have asked alot about them, on and off for a couple of months now which he gets really frustrated about and sometimes dumps me over. He doesn't speak to any of them and hasn't spoke to this girlfriend he loved for like 4 years and claims he hasn't even thought about her and shes just nothing to him. When I first asked about her he said he will always care about her, but takes all that back now the more i've asked. I dont know what to think as like he says its 8 years ago when they broke up, he says im the first girl he's met that he would want children with which is quite heavy and I do kind of believe.

smackie9
Thats the impression I get. But on the other hand we live an hour away from each other so its a big effort he makes to drive over, he could just get sex from someone local? Although I do give him some petrol money and he mentioned in an argument that its a pain picking me up from the train station when I go to see him, afterwards he said he just said it in anger although I cant help thinking there was some truth in it.
However, 3 months into our relationship I wasn't comfortable staying overnight where he was lodging in someones house, he loved living there but he moved into his own flat for me so we could stay some place together. He says that he wants to move closer and sometimes mentions jobs he's seen around my area. Does that shed a different opinion on it do you think? Maybe im the problem just being insecure and looking at the negatives?

[smackie9]

Relax, things take time to get settled. If he is talking about it, that means hes going to be looking into making some changes. If you get too insecure about things it can do unnecessary damage to your relationship.

[smackie9]

Give him a time line.....if you don't see any changes within the next month, then consider ending the relationship. Not fair to you to keep waiting for what you want.

[Limefan]

Thanks smackie, I know I need to chill, he always says I need to relax. I just worry that he doesnt and wont ever love me as much as his first. I never want to be someones settling option or second best. I think i'll give it til Christmas, see what actions he takes in living closer. He does talk about it a lot despite me never mentioning it so we'll see, that idea is very much driven by him. Do you think I should actually tell him about the timeline i've set for him or just keep it to myself to quietly see what happens?

When I ask about his ex he gets frustrated, understandable so, but he says pretty brutal things when hes angry that I struggle to forget. "Some guy will think your worth all this reassuring effort but I don't anymore, I get sex now and then from you but thats about it. All the money I spend to come and see you your just not worth it, I just want an easy relationship, sh@gging non stop and see where it goes no heavy sh1t". He apologized for saying it all, and took it back, but I dont know whether the truth comes out when your angry, or if he was just venting.. /-:

[smackie9]

If I had a bf say that to me I would have left him face down on the curb. What he said is disgusting, and abusive......he is not a nice guy. I don't care if he was angry.....girl this doesn't look good.