Woman's Mentality?

[Asparagoose]

Hi again guys. I'm sorry, this is a bit of a long update. Just a little backround info, i'm 28 and she's 22.

We went to see Legally Blonde, the play. Waiting on line, it was either older couples or younger couples. I think we were the only two people who were not really a couple. I guess I felt that maybe it was a little too much, but it was too late to change plans.

Not my kind of play, I felt so gay the whole time watching it. I picked it, so I can't complain. It was already around 2 o'clock PM when we went in, and about 5 o'clock PM when we left. She didn't even talk at all during the play or until way after we left. I thought that was kind of rude.

We left and went to Jekyll & Hyde. I've never been inside there before, but it was a horror theme type of place mostly for kids. Just as I stopped feeling gay, I start feeling childish. It was hard to talk seriously with people dressed up in costumes constantly comming over to our table bothering us. She was talking finally, but I wish she wouldn't.

All she could find to talk about were her previous relationships, how nobody takes her seriously in her department because she's new, and then she went off on this rant about how girls have it so much harder than guys in the workplace and in life in general. I, like the idiot that I am actually started to object.

After some hours of talking, we established that guys apparently don't do anything, girls don't need guys for anything, guys are useless, and that I should still pick up the check in order to fit her definition of a gentleman. Yes, I picked up the check.

A friend of hers called and she was going to meet her up. She was about to leave without even inviting me, she said something like "My friend called, she's downtown, thanks for today it was so much fun"

At that point, I was upset. I think angry doesn't begin to capture how I felt. Here I was, wasting my day and taking her to a play and dinner so that she could go to her friend without even a proper goodbye? I just let it be, so I smiled and started to get my stuff to leave.

Just as I did that, she asked me "Did you have fun today?" That's not even fair. What does she want me to answer? No, not really, my idea of fun doesn't include being short $400 so you can run off to some bar downtown with your friend? So I just said that I had fun. Immediately after that, she asked me if I wanted to come with her to meet her friend. Yes, in all my anger and rage I said that I was busy on the next day and had to actually get going.

Leaving to go home, I was wondering to myself who's fault it was for ruining the night. On one side, maybe I should've just tagged along and meet her friend. On the other hand, she seemed to be taking the time together with me as her time to vent. I can't say I got to know anything about her, and I can't say that I want to anymore. Is it just me or was she just really rude?

For the girls here, why would you talk about those things when you're out with a guy? Why would you talk that way and not even bother inviting the guy who just paid for your ticket to a Broadway play and dinner to come meet your friend? What is so magical about him being ready to leave that gets you in the mood to randomly think to invite him? Thanks

[vashti]

She sounds like she is too young for you.

Was this a first date? If so, I think it was foolish to spend so much money. This is the kind of date you take someone on when the relationship is stable.

[misombra]

she's too young for you asparagus. sorry.

do you live in ny? i went to a bar called jecyl and hyde and it was the coolest bar i've ever been to. they had bar stools that would lower and raise up. they had this talking gargoyle thing omg it was so funny. i have a picture of me making out with the skeleton that hangs out outside.

but you said the one you went to was for kids. this was a bar.

anyway, she's too young for you. find someone your own age.

[GrkScorp]

i'm 28 and she's 22.

If there's grass on the field.., play ball..

Waiting on line, it was either older couples or younger couples. I think we were the only two people who were not really a couple.

That's all relative.. place yourself in the position of other "couples" there.. they were most likely thinking the same thing.. and for all they knew.. the two of you were also together as a couple.. external/outsider's bias.. Maybe some of them were not really couples as you saw them to be..

All she could find to talk about were her previous relationships, how nobody takes her seriously in her department because she's new, and then she went off on this rant about how girls have it so much harder than guys in the workplace and in life in general. I, like the idiot that I am actually started to object.

Give me a moment to laugh......, ok..., i'm done now.. You were actually not an idiot in raising your "objection".. that wasn't your downfall.. it's important to see where you went downhill though.. so you don't repeat it next time.. It's important to "lead" the conversation.. you have to be the director.. the conductor.. the ring master.. You have the steer the conversation and be in control of where it goes.. This doesn't always include talking.. In fact.. people like to feel like they can talk.. like they can express their opinion.. especially girls.. so it's important to let them feel that this is what they're doing.. and that it matters.. that what they're saying is important.. If you don't lead the conversation to fun/interesting/funny topics.. she will (by mistake) raise her own topics.. and you can take a pretty good guess of what those topics are.. there are thousands more like those constantly in her mind.. and she's just waiting to vent.. But you can avoid this fate.. because girls are easily distracted.. their train of thought if very flaky.. which is a good thing.. Instead of talking about ONE topic linearly.. you can talk about MULTIPLE topics.. like branches.. talk about one thing.. let it branch out to something else.. expand on it.. go back to something else.. let it branch out a new topic.. and keep doing that until you have no idea how you got from talking about President Bush.. to Astrology.. So instead of her remembering you as the guy she had this bad/heated/angry/negative conversation with.. she'll remember you as the guy she had this fun/interesting/funny conversation with.. By leading the conversation.. you allow her to give her own personal input and opinion.. and for her to "feel" like she's adding to the fun.. But you must be a good conversationalist.. and that does involve talking.. and not only not being afraid to lead the conversation.. but actually feeling comfortable when you're in control of the conversation..

After some hours of talking, we established that guys apparently don't do anything, girls don't need guys for anything, guys are useless, and that I should still pick up the check in order to fit her definition of a gentleman. Yes, I picked up the check.

So much for "objecting".. If you can't object and put your foot down for HER crap.. then how can she expect you to be the type of man to object and put your foot down for other people's crap? What you just did.. demonstrated a "weak" character (not a gentleman-like character).. and a "weak" character who is a pushover.. is not an attractive character..

A friend of hers called and she was going to meet her up. She was about to leave without even inviting me, she said something like "My friend called, she's downtown, thanks for today it was so much fun" ...... Just as I did that, she asked me "Did you have fun today?" That's not even fair. What does she want me to answer? No, not really, my idea of fun doesn't include being short $400 so you can run off to some bar downtown with your friend? So I just said that I had fun. Immediately after that, she asked me if I wanted to come with her to meet her friend. Yes, in all my anger and rage I said that I was busy on the next day and had to actually get going.

OK.., do you remember what the term was to account for a gap between what is logical and what women end up doing? (chick logic).. There's no need to get angry so much as there is a reason to just laugh.. Take a look at ALL the facts.. You had a couple of lunches together.. she actually offered her number to you.. she actually asked you to pick a play.. and she didn't flake on you...., She knows what she's getting herself into.. she's not stupid.. But all she's been doing is testing you.. (yes, TESTING you).. Her "venting" has actually been a series of "sh*t-tests".. and you failed.., all of them..

This one however is one of my favorites.. it's one of those pointless tests.. because it doesn't really give her any meaningful information because of the way it's structured.. It's clear that she intentionally made it seem like she wanted to leave and wasn't going to invite you at first.. (to see how you were going to react).. "As a rule of thumb.. that's all women are looking for.. a reaction.. because they place so much faith in their "tests" and they honestly believe they can get valuable information from your reaction, to give them insight into who you are.. what you're feeling.. or if you're interested"..

The reality is.. these "pointless tests" are structured very poorly.. If you get angry.. it's because her actions are incongruent and don't make sense.. and you think to yourself.. "how rude!".. To her.. this means something completely different.. (remember, you will see what you want to see.. hear what you want to hear.. and believe what you want to believe.. women are victims to this bias constantly.. but you are the one who has to bear the burden).. So if you get angry.. she thinks.. "Haha.. he likes me.. it bothers him that I didn't invite him.. wow.. does he always get so angry over little things like this?".. If you don't get angry (this one is interesting.. you'll see the bias in action).. "Oh.. I guess he really doesn't care.. then why did he call me out on a date? I'm confused".. OR.. "I know it bothers him.. but he's just keeping it inside of him.. so I know he likes me" (this is what happens when they walk outside.. and THINK a guy was looking at them to check them out.. or they THINK someone is interested in them.. refer back to the Actual value < Perceived value.. this is why)

So either way.. you lose.. and she "gets the reaction she was looking for".. because "she was looking for it" therefore, "that's what she saw".. It's a crappy test.. Either way you lose.. but it will never go through her mind to ask herself.. "What is the point of this?"

The funny thing is.., what testing shows YOU.. is that she's interested.. (women don't test guys they're not interested in) you just have to be able to look out for it.. without letting her know that you know.. The way you ended wasn't too bad.. But maybe you want to go for someone a bit more mature.. (cough cough.. less game-playing).. You're past the age where you want to bother with games.. Sounds like you have "one-itis" though.. I know how that is.. you can't think with one-itis.. so give yourself some time before you get over it now.. before you think about what you want to do..

Best,

GrkScorp

[bluesummer]

She sounds a little immature, and a little flaky. I would never behave like that on a date, EVER....unless the guy was a total jackass and had done something to offend me.

Don't chalk it up to being traits common in females....you just happened to go out with a flaky one. Pick better (and older) next time)

[GrkScorp]

Don't chalk it up to being traits common in females

For "women" who are 22.. that just about sums it up..

Pick better (and older) next time

Yes.. at the very least.. more mature..

I think you just need to get better at flitering out the immature ones from the more mature ones.. something that's impossible when you have "one-itis".., you're just not thinking.. I would move along.. she's shown you the type of character she is.. there's no need to investigate any further.. Actions speak louder than words.. from now on.. just see her in the office or during lunch.. and talk as normal.. don't even bring up the whole date.. it never happened.. it doesn't matter.. you're not going to be spiteful.. you're just going to be friendly.. like you were before.. (you're not going to be "bothered" by what happened)..

Girls like her are looking for a reaction.. (so don't do her the favor).. you're unaffected.. you genuinely are unaffected.. you really don't care.. she's not the type of person you want this kind of relationship with.. for you to waste your time, effort, and money so she can run off with her girlfriend somwhere.. So she means nothing to you now.. Hey! At least you made progress.. you got her to give you her number without you even asking.. that's something most guys can't do.. aside from that.. unless you just wanted sex from her.. you can't consider what happened as a loss to you in any way.. you learned.. you came out ahead.. that's all that matters..

Best,

GrkScorp

[Tommy]

400 Dollar date.... Shoulda taken her skydiving and then got some...

[Gigabitch]

What an awful date, really. Maybe next time, since you're doing all the spending, you choose something you might actually enjoy. That way if your date turns out to be a pillowcase, you won't have wasted an entire day and hundreds of dollars.

[Lozenger]

400 Dollar date.... Shoulda taken her skydiving

Wow! I'd love to go skydiving! I hope to do that for my 18th!

Anyway, I thought she was rude. She didn't really help herself if what GrkScorpe said is true. With her testing you, it made you dislike her more and more. And I also agree with Vashti, I wouldn't spend that much money unitl I had been dating the person for a while.

[GrkScorp]

We went to see Legally Blonde .... We left and went to Jekyll & Hyde .... "My friend called, she's downtown .... $400 .... ticket to a Broadway play

Goose.. I totally skipped over that...,

Forget her..., seriously.., how far away are you from NYC?

[Mish]

Leaving to go home, I was wondering to myself who's fault it was for ruining the night.

I don't know, it's hard to say Asparagoose. Was the night really ruined? After all you were the one who picked the play, you could've pikced perhaps something different, maybe a dinner instead? You were the one who asked her out? The one who asks out is ussually the one who pays, that's the rule.

For the girls here, why would you talk about those things when you're out with a guy?

Maybe like Scorp mentioned, not enough lead in the conversation from your part so her mind just wondered off into her immediate trail of thought which happened to be venting.

Why would you talk that way and not even bother inviting the guy who just paid for your ticket to a Broadway play and dinner to come meet your friend?

But she did, didn't she?

What is so magical about him being ready to leave that gets you in the mood to randomly think to invite him? Thanks

Maybe she had an absent minded moment, forgot. It happens sometimes. I do it often, I forget to do something I should've and then kick myself 5 minutes later. That could've been her that night.