At a loss

[MrFantabulous]

I really don't know why I am posting here, I can't talk to anyone about anything, and hopefully a bunch of strangers can help me out or make me feel a little better.

Ok so I've been friends with this girl for a little over a year now, and we finally got very close. Well she started dating this guy that treats her like ****ing shit, and at the time I didn't think I really liked this girl as anything more than a friend. And once he got with her and started treating her like this, and I found out her deepest darkest secrets, I realized how much I actually did like her.

I know this isn't the best organized speech, but I feel the need to say everything on my mind just to get it out.

I had my heart broken at a young age, and for a long time people told me I couldn't have I was too young, but to this day I still think about her at least once a day(I have gotten over her, but still care deeply for her), and this all happened around 6 years ago. Well I finally met someone that I could confide in, and tell anything to. So being my dumb self I did, and instead of just keeping it to myself and staying good friends with her, I let her hurt me.

Pretty much my buddy went to the hospital for suicide(I was the one to find him btw), and we started talking, she kept telling me I was the only one that she could trust. About a month later I started falling for her, and I can't decide if I am in love or not, I hurt deeply, but I am forcing myself to not love so I can forget. Anyways I spilled my heart out to her, something I have not done in 6 years to anyone, not even my closest friends have I told what has been going on with me for SIX YEARS! I finally felt I could confide in her, and all it did was **** things up for me. She tells me that she feels the same way, but then she tells me that she is in love with her Boyfriend/Ex-Boyfriend(it's complicated), who treats her like ****ing shit. Even though I know I could treat her like shit and make her want me, I just don't have it in me to do this to this girl.

I am leaving a lot of things out, but this is all I want to get out for now, I don't know what I should do, and I am hurting deeply, the worst part is, is I know I can't tell her, or it would make things weird and awkward. I am just at a mix of emotions, frustration, sadness, anger, anxiety... I still get butterflies when I see her, but I just can't say anything I really want to anymore, I'd rather stay her friend than not... Even though thats the worst part!

[anachronistic]

First of all, condolences for your friend who committed suicide. Some of us can certainly relate to that suffering which it has caused for you.

You have to remember; it's your opinion that he treats your lady friend like shit. If I were you, I would not confront her on that, because it's likely that she thinks otherwise, and that would make you seem like an enemy.

By the way, treating her like shit will get you nowhere. In my opinion, you'd be digging yourself a hole that you'd never get out of. If this is how you have been planning to get with her, no wonder you have failed. In all honesty, you should be blaming yourself and not her.

I think you need to calm down and not make such a big deal over these things. That's one reason why you've been unsuccessful. Just be patient, show this girl that you are someone worth leaving the asshole for.

Of course, this is just based on what you've shared. If you would share the whole story, our more qualified members would be able to give you better advice. For what it's worth.

[vashti]

I am noticing a trend in the people you are attracted to... what with the suicide guy, and two girls in a row who have boyfriends that treat them badly, it sounds like you have a knight-in-shining-armour complex: a need to "rescue". People like you usually have some serious self-esteem issues, and look to "rescue" others as a way to feel good about themselves.

You might want to get some therapy.

[MrFantabulous]

well, I was just trying to say, that I can't treat her like shit, and won't if thats what I have to do to get her. I'd much rather just stay myself.

And to Vashti, I don't really have that complex it's just how it happened, my buddy was planning to commit suicide, and came over to my house after a party, and I was the one who found him... He took a bunch of pills after a long night of drinking. Thankfully he is still alive with us, and came out of the coma a few weeks ago.

I use to have no self-esteem, and I started to do a lot of drugs to make me feel better about myself, until one day I had an epiphany that has made me my own person that I am happy with. And I used to go to therapy for it, it's not the fact I want to save her from her asshole boyfriend(who used to be a very close friend of mine), I just feel that if she isn't dating me the best she could do is find someone at least good to her. Who lies to her, cheats on her, ditches her, she definitely deserves better than that, and she knows he does it, and she knows she needs better.... but for some dumbass reason won't leave him, all of my friends and her friends(we have most of the same friends) all agree with me on this, so I don't feel like this is just my feeling, he does treat her like shit. She even knows it, so it makes me more confused.