Need advice on a friends with benefits situation...

[veloarktis]

hi,

i've been seeing a guy on a friend's with benefits basis for 9 months now. the thing is i have no idea where it's going. it seems to move forward a tiny bit at a time, but nothing noticeable. i don't want to ask him because i'd rather have what we do then nothing at all.
him: 29, owns his own independent store/clothing brand with very little time, genuine, charming and attractive, the sort of guy who could get any girl he wants.
me: 24, uni student, barista, fairly attractive.
i've had this sort of relationship before, but it's always run its course within 3 months.
the sex is absolutely amazing and very intense. we have no boundaries with each other. at first we were meeting at his store early mornings, then it progressed to him stopping by while doing business errands (if he had time). it used to be just an in and out thing, simple small talk, dirty sex and then on our way. now he'll let himself in to my apartment, get in my bed, maybe cuddle for a couple of minutes, sex, shower, some conversation, and then he'll eventually have to leave. the sex is no longer dirty, but more passionate (unless that's just my growing feelings changing the way i see it), a lot more touching and closeness. and the conversation is much more personal. sometimes he'll mention doing something together, but nothing ever comes of it (he just left 30min ago, saying we should tee up a weekend to 'party' together).

i don't want to push the issue because i understand he has a very hectic life that's 99% business. he runs the whole lot himself and barely leaves any time for sleep. i don't pry into his life because im not sure it's my place, but from what i can see based on his facebook, he doesn't get much time to see his friends or family either.

i know this sounds all over the place, because that's how it is in my head. that's why i'm asking advice from strangers, and if you haven't given up on reading through this, then thank you.

i need outsiders opinions on what is happening here...does he genuinely care, but just doesnt have the time to pursue it? or am i just convenient to him?

any insight would be great

[smackie9]

I think you pretty much got your answer from him....he isn't interested in taking you out anywhere. Sorry but if you are getting feelings for him then it's time to get out.

OR Just step up and talk to him about it....maybe he is too afraid to say anything himself....remember it's 50/50. Take the risk. 9 months is a long time so just maybe....

[Wakeup]

^^^ Agreed.

BTW: If he's only doing you during the run of his business errands, when he can steal himself away then have you ever considered that he already has a domestic life that he goes to at night and on the weekends? Just how well do you know your human dildo?

[will_cool_no.1]

It will get you out of this anxiety if you ask him clearly "where r we standing"

[Wakeup]

^^ Sadly, Op like most women who have developed feelings for their fk buddy is afraid to say anything in case he tells her that he just wants to screw her, or that he has a wife or that he's run if she rocks the boat so, she settles because she thinks lust is love. She knows that but is hoping we will tell her otherwise. Her story is not new.

i don't want to ask him because i'd rather have what we do then nothing at all.

Really? How lonely you must (which you obviously are or this thread wouldn't exist) be while you settle for what he gives you.

Op: You owe it to yourself to hear from him one way or the other if he would consider actually dating you, taking you out and being with you for more than a place to cum into. Have you ever been to his home? Do you even know if he is married or single? Has he ever done anything nice for you that shows you he values you? Why do you love him? Sex doesn't count as a loving action if that's all you're getting from him.

[veloarktis]

i know he hasn't got anyone. yeah, i've been to his place a couple of times.
and it's not just on business errands. the last few times it's been after he's finished work.
we've been out in public before. and he gives me gifts, puts my artwork up in his store, and even asked if he can put some on shirts.
and a few times a week, if he knows i'm nearby, he'll ask me to drop into the store and say hi.
it's not always sex.

and i'm not lonely i date other people. at this point in time all i want is to date though and they always want to move into things too fast.
with this guy, i just want to know if he's interested in more so we can explore it.
but if hes not interested in more, i'm quite happy with what we have for the time being.
i just don't want him to get the wrong idea that i've fallen in love with him and he needs to get the hell out.

[smackie9]

Well then just say that then and be done with it.