I am too jealous :(

[jbdm]

I am too jealous and possessive and it stresses me out! Help?!?
I've been with my boyfriend for five months now. Not a long time, I know. But I love him very much and he treats me quite well.

I have had horrible experiences with relationships in the past. I have always been an insecure person and I believe my ex boyfriends aggravated my self-esteem issues. Moreover, I have an anxiety disorder and am extremely prone to worrying and high amounts of stress often combined with depression. My boyfriend does not know about my struggles with anxiety.

I am very aware that my reactions to situations sometimes are irrational but I can't help but worry! Whenever he's out with his friends and I'm not there, I worry. Whenever he hasn't texted me for a while and I'm not sure exactly what he's doing, I worry. I don't like certain girls around him--it pisses me off and I spend the whole night worrying. I don't like that he watches porn. I am constantly checking his Facebook and Twitter to see who he's talking to and what he's saying to them. I just seem to assume the worst ALL the time and I find everything suspicious! For example, right now he's at home in bed. Hasn't bbmed me back in fourty minutes and I am genuinely stressing over whether or not he is asleep OR talking to someone else.

The insane part about all of this is that this guy is incredible. He loves me and has given me NO REASON not to trust him. I have never seen anything suspicious on his phone, Facebook, or Twitter. I have never found anything inappropriate! He has a lot of friends that are girls...but obviously there is nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite gender and he does not behave inappropriately with them. He has a lot of respect for me and does anything for me. He brings me around his friends and family, he doesn't hide me from anyone, and does nothing to deserve my suspicion.

I am good at hiding it from him but it's very stressful for me. It makes me sad and grouchy and I am afraid that the longer I'm in the relationship with him, the worse it will get. This jealousy is something I want to get rid of! Does anyone else have this same problem? What should I do? I don't want to push him away.

HOW DO I STOP BEING SO CRAZY?!

[Love master]

Sounds familiar. But do you know what I think? May be a person who really loves you will be proud to have one like you!

[starbright08]

I don't think its jealousy that is your issue. Like you said you have been in past relationships that prob didnt go well and that is why your this way now. You clearly have learned from past mistakes and maybe you should take it slow and explain that to him you have only been with him for 5 months don't rush it 5 months is not enough for you to build that security and trust with a person it takes time and you got to let yourself get there so you dont act this way. Trust me I know because I always find myself not giving myself enough time to know the new person Im so excited and quick to forget about the last loser who cheated on me or did me wrong. Its very easy to do this and Honestly nothing wrong with being cautious at all. Just communicate with who your dating let them know what your comfortable with and what your not ready for and if they are a keeper trust that they will understand!

[Cerby]

Good on you for acknowledging this is your problem, and has nothing to do with him. Generally these types of emotions come from self esteem issues, which you have briefly touched on.

Self help books are good as long as you research which ones you'll need. If you have a job the provides a solid benefit package, then speaking to a counsellor 1 on 1 might help you out too. You know you have a problem, now you just need a solution. You're best to not involve your boyfriend if you don't have to, but I agree that you should sit down and talk to him, at least about the anxiety issues and anything else that might have an effect on your mood.

[Love master]

It's a very good advise: "Just communicate with who your dating let them know what your comfortable with and what your not ready for and if they are a keeper trust that they will understand! "
THE UNDERSTANDING IS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN A RELATIONSHIP!

[Love master]

"Generally these types of emotions come from self esteem issues, which you have briefly touched on."
BUT what if she is right? We can't trust so easy nowadays, can we?

[Cerby]

"Generally these types of emotions come from self esteem issues, which you have briefly touched on."
BUT what if she is right? We can't trust so easy nowadays, can we?

Then the relationship is f*cked anyways, as is every other one. Unfounded trust problems come from within, and she said herself the guy is trustworthy. If you can't trust so easy nowadays, then you're dating the wrong kind of people.

[jwayne]

Perhaps you are not that ready to be in a relationship at the moment?

Loosen up alittle. Chill.

[empathetic]

It's natural to be concerned for your loved ones.. It shows that you are genuine about your feelings. At the same time, it isn't any good that you can't seem to have your mind drift despite "trusting" him. Of course, you don't need to know what he's up to every waking hour of the day.

But it sounds like you THINK you need to. Perhaps you need a hobby? Something, anything, girl time with friends, video games or getting a netflix account. Anything to keep your mind from thinking, "Gee, I wonder what my bf is doing now?"

For the most part, you think he is trustworthy. You can't be in this mindset that tells you, if he wasn't talking to some other person (maybe another girl?) then he'd be talking to you. You should be able to calmly assume that he's engaging in a hobby of his own. Playing video games, watching tv/netflix or whatever. Everybody needs space, even in a relationship. So don't be so attached!

[a-brainwavelove]

Hi there,

I do get how you feel and I understand to a certain degree - the past experiences you've had, combined with the anxiety problems you've been suffering from can lead to this type of behavior. Clearly, it's not about your boyfriend - it's about you, gaining confidence and trust in YOURSELF. Being jealous to a great degree means you are insecure about yourself - work on your self love. You can do this in numerous ways - books will help, so will meditation, and other techniques that will get you 'centered'. Seek natural ways to overcome your anxiety problems, talk to people who can help you realize your self-worth, people who inspire you, who believe in you. I highly recommend the book 'The Four Agreements' by Don Miguel Ruis, too - it's a great way to start your self-development journey. And don't forget to be grateful for all these struggles, as they will help you grow and cause amazing transformations in yourself and in your life!

Sending love and light along your way!

[michael_love]

personally, I think you need to talk to him, open up about all this to him, and he will let you know everything is ok.

You may just need to be around him more, hug him and be close to him, sounds like you may fear rejection, or fear that something bad will happen ! or fear that you will lose him.

so, go everywhere with him, for a while tell him completely what you are feeling. He will assure you that everything is ok, and you should spend as much time with him as possible !
whenever you feel better, then you can do your own thing again. or have some distance again, but it sounds to me that you need reassurance of some kind.

I sense you are a very kind hearted person, and the world can be a dangerous place, and it can be unpredictable. Spend time with him, close to him, and feel protected by him.

Girls often are protected by the stronger male of the species, and that is instinct, and that is ok.

Also, I don't know why he really has to have so many girls as friends. its kind of ok, but, well you know.... I mean, does he really care about you or not ? he does not need to be around them. what gives. if he cares about you, he wont need other friends or girls or anything, he should be totally into you, at least until you feel better and you feel wonderful about him.

if he's not willing to do that, you need to find someone that really cares about you!

what gives ? the friends are more important than you ? no way !

[Ea Scarlet]

Sounds like me