Confused and heartbroken..

[redshoes]

Hi,
Less than two years ago myself and my partner of nearly four years broke up.
At the time I took it really badly, we had zero contact for a long time then a few months down the line became friends.
Exchanging texts, a few mails ect , just keeping in touch as adults are supposed to do I guess.
My ex ended the relationship, making it quite clear that there was no going back, so I got on with my life and survived.

A few weeks ago, he found out that I was attending an event in his area.
We always intended meeting for a coffee or a drink simply to chat.
He mailed last week asking was he my plus one for the event, I replied saying my plans may have changed, meaning I may not be going.
To be honest, given how we broke up ect I felt it was a bit much that he expected to be asked.

Anyway ,two days later I noticed on FB a post on his page claiming that he thinks he has met his soul mate...
I was gutted, although it's been a while , it still hurt and I would not be so public always thinking of others feelings I guess.
To be honest I simply ignored the post, why should I like it?, here was the man who assumed he was going to asked to an event with his ex, then posting about his new gf.


Sorry for the tumble of words, but I just feel that he has abused what friendship we do have, it took me ages to get over our relationship ..:-(

[CrasherRob8]

You both have been broken up for two years and he assumed he would be your guest to an event near him. Sounds like he either doesn't want you to move on or assumes the friendship is a little more.

It's going to hurt for you because you did the right thing at first by going no contact but then let him back into your life which is going to cause more hurt simply because he was the one that broke it off.

[Wakeup]

Does your current boyfriend know you are so upset over an ex having a new "love of his life?" O.o

[redshoes]

You both have been broken up for two years and he assumed he would be your guest to an event near him. Sounds like he either doesn't want you to move on or assumes the friendship is a little more.

It's going to hurt for you because you did the right thing at first by going no contact but then let him back into your life which is going to cause more hurt simply because he was the one that broke it off.

Thanks for your post.

Yes I was very hurt when our relationship ended and in all honesty it was better for me that we had zero contact.
When he contacted again I was in a much better place , of course there were times I desperately thought I needed him, but, I accepted it was over.
Perhaps it is time to finally sever all ties with him,put the past where it should be, as the confusion is once again upsetting .

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[QUOTE=Wakeup;1020594]Does your current boyfriend know you are so upset over an ex having a new "love of his life?" O.o[/QUOTE

To be honest, I am not upset about his new gf, he made it quite clear the night he finished with me that he intended finding someone new.
I am simply confused and upset by his actions.
Currently,there is no one in my life, and even if there was, I would still be upset that my ex who assumed he was my plus one, two days later announces he found his soul mate.

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[QUOTE=Wakeup;1020594]Does your current boyfriend know you are so upset over an ex having a new "love of his life?" O.o[/QUOTE

To be honest, I am not upset about his new gf, he made it quite clear the night he finished with me that he intended finding someone new.
I am simply confused and upset by his actions.
Currently,there is no one in my life, and even if there was, I would still be upset that my ex who assumed he was my plus one, two days later announces he found his soul mate.

[TheEvilJester]

Hindsight is always 20/20, but it is rarely worth it to stay friends with an ex. Our exes are our exes for a reason. Not saying you can't be "friendly," but to actually actively be friends is rarely a good idea.

This is a good example of why. Hopefully by now you realize that you are better off without him. That doesn't even necessarily mean to imply he's a bad guy. Maybe he's not.... but he's not the right guy for you. So, you are better off without him then to be stuck in a relationship that is not the right one for you.

That said, you've been broken up for two years now. (Well, almost two.) At this point, he shouldn't necessarily be reluctant to post about his new life because he is worried how it may make you feel. I mean, maybe if he was blatant and in your face about it, but I would assume that was not his intention by posting this on his social media. People post these things on social media. Maybe he WAS trying to be overly showy about it, but I wouldn't necessarily jump to that conclusion.

Don't get me wrong. It is understandable why this may hurt you.... even if you fully 100% realize he is not right for you, it can still hurt. That is why it is honestly best just to keep your distance from an ex. Honestly, that would still be my advice now. No reason to be deliberately rude to him or anything, but I just think it would likely be best for you to go your separate ways. That will have to be your decision, of course, but it can be hard to completely move on from your feelings when your ex is still in your life, even if it is just as friends.

Good luck to you. I wish you the best in whatever you decide.

[redshoes]

Thanks for your post, a lot of sound advice and to be honest I feel keeping distance between us is the best way forward.

I , as you suggested don't have to rude , we are really only friends via social media having not had physical contact in months.
Perhaps given the fact that he ended our relationship so abruptly and also via mail, I never really felt there was full closure.
Hence my upset at his post.

I have left him as a friend on my page, but turned off notifications, and in future will be ignoring any texts .
Thanks again for replying.:-)

[TheEvilJester]

....He ended your relationship via mail?! How are you even still friends with this guy? How is that an acceptable way to end a relationship at all?

Anyway, you are exactly right. That sort of way of ending things doesn't really give you the closure you need, and when you don't get closure it makes to so much harder to let go of all of the residual feelings. You found that out the hard way, though I so wish you hadn't had to. Hell, sometimes even WITH closure it can be hard to move on, so when you don't really feel you got it, it can be even harder. Even when you think you've gotten over it, suddenly something else will set you off. Being around the person, or at least in contact with them, only makes it worse.

I've been there myself. Not with my ex, as she was so bad for me that by the time I got out of that relationship, I did NOT look back even for a second. I was just so happy to finally be free of such a bad situation. However, with friends who turned out not to be such good friends after all.... or women I'd been interested in who later turned out to be scumbags I should never have even looked at in the first place.... Granted, that is nowhere near as intense as when it was an actual relationship, but I don't trust people easily, meaning when I finally DO, it hits me pretty hard when that turns out to be a mistake.

Often, the hardest thing is to realize that you did nothing wrong.... or at the very least you were not the only one to blame for things not working. It can be so hard not to obsess and over-analyze about what you could have done differently, or what could fix the situation. Thing is, you should never have to convince somebody that you are worth having in their life. If they can't see that on their own, then they don't deserve you in the first place.

Good luck to you. You will find somebody. You deserve to, even if it may be hard for you to see that yourself right now. You deserve it just as much as anybody would. Your somebody wasn't this fella, but that doesn't mean he isn't out there. For now, best just to move on so you can deal with really healing from that past relationship and thereby become better equipped to find the right one.