women i NEED you help. please ;p

[musengusi]

I have been with my girlfriend for 7 years now, and was planning to propose to her in the not so distant future. Recently though, we'd not been talking much but she wouldn’t say much about it and, when asked, just said that there was nothing wrong.
The other day though, she tells me that she’s not happy in the relationship and went on to say that she needs some time apart. She says that she’s not/ doesn’t think that she’s in love with me and, at the minute, doesn’t miss me when we’re apart.

I recently was offered a teacher training course a long way away and she said the thought of me going doesn’t make her upset at all. The other reasons she gave are that she feels that she / we are just going through the motions at the minute and that she would like our relationship to feel like it’s new. Is that even possible? How can I make it feel new when I’ve been with her so long already? I can make it more exciting but it will never feel like it’s new? Will it?

To add insult to injury though she says she’s been feeling like this since the end of January, which just happens to coincide with her going on an 6 week (over 6 weekends, every other weekend) hiking leader course where she met lots of new people, but one other guy in particular. She confessed to me that she thinks she would definitely have feelings for him if she was single and also that she thinks she may have some feelings for him now. She said she’d never cheat on me, even during the “break,” and I believe her, as I trust her, but she has been going out with him and his friends recently too and plans to do so whatever happens between us as she gets on with him. But I’m finding that and the situation too hard to handle.

She also says that although we’re having a “break we should go out on “dates” every now and then and see if we can get that “new feeling” back. I’ve arranges some stuff, which she has said yes too, thank god, but I feel like I’m competing against this new guy. Which, I guess I am. How, after 7 years do I compete with something new and exciting, how do I stay sane, when she’s out with him? I can’t eat or sleep. How do I stay happy and cheerful enough on the dates knowing that the next day she could be out with him and she probably won’t think about me once, whilst I’m at home feeling like cr*p trying not to fall ever deeper into the black hole and emptiness.

I don’t know what to do. I feel like my whole world is breaking apart 9which I guess it is)

Please can somebody help me

[sine24]

to me it sounds like she's trying to get the best of both worlds..she's 'hanging out' with this guy and she's keeping you---the one who she can potentially fall back on if she gets bored with this new guy.

its not right for her to being going out with this guy when she's still with you. you need to set some boundaries or you're going to end up being stepped all over by her.

As for making the relationship feel 'new'..the girl's already half out, you're not the only person in the relationship..if she cared enough, she would make more of an effort instead of letting you do all the planning.

don't ever feel like you have to do all the work.

[Mish]

She also says that although we’re having a “break we should go out on “dates” every now and then and see if we can get that “new feeling” back. I’ve arranges some stuff, which she has said yes too, thank god, but I feel like I’m competing against this new guy.

You just say "Sorry, but this doesn't work for me" and you break up with her.

There's nothing else left to do. It looks like she's made up her mind about where she is heading and this letting you down softly softly approach is just going to cause you a lot more pain than ripping the band aid off in one go. She is way past wanting to make the relationship work.

Save yourself.

[crazystudent]

that doesnt sound like much fun!! maybe tell her you want to break up, that will make her think more clearly about what she wants. how old are ye?

[Shivi]

Hi, I feel u should respect her decision and give her space.Be mature about it. And if u do meet up with her be happy and have fun! If u can not do that then do not meet her at all. Also try and see if she makes an effort. Forexample , dont call or anything for a bit. GIve her a chance to miss u ! All the best

[HouseMouse]

Your clinging to something that is not healthy for you emotionaly. She is leaving you on the back burner while she tests the waters. She wants to find out if there is something out there better for her. This guy in peticular must have made her think twice about what she wants when it comes to being with you. I would get out now while you can. Dont cling to something that is not ment to be. If she is thinking of other guys, and clearly telling you she does not love you. Then you should take that as a clear sign to move on.