You are 33 from Japan your bf is 23 from Australia.

[TrainMan]

Hello there I'm sorry for sounding self-pitying, whiney whatever when there are people out there who have much bigger problems than me but I am down on my knees begging here this is real I wouldn't be posting this unless I really needed your help, im stuck and I don't know what to do.
I am 23 up until last year I was alone and always trying to get a girl friend I never could because I am/was a shy Nerd. This is about my first and present relationship.

Last year in June I went on a round the world trip with my dad and I saw the most beautiful women I had ever seen 1000's of them in many countries. In Tokyo I realized how much I liked Japanese girls, we stayed with this Japanese woman shes was 18 years older than me, but I still was attracted to her gentleness and beauty and when we left I missed her. As the plane was flying away I realized how much I loved Japan and how happy I felt there and I promised myself that my new goal was to go to back Japan and meet Japanese girls.
I think my reason for my love of Japanese girls actually started here : One sunny day When I was 14 feeling extremely nerdy with my new braces on, sadly watching all the pretty girls walk past with their hot boyfriends I was helping my dad work in Melbourne when two Japanese girls (tourists) came up to me and wanted to take a photo of me, they could speak nearly no English I felt something I hadn't felt before, these two little girls where so kind to me and wanted to go for a walk with me, Looking back they where possibly the only two girls who shown such interest in me at that age. They wrote letters to me but I never replied because I guess I was too concerned with white girls being interested in me at that time.

Back in Australia after the trip was over I was so sad that I had not "met" one girl on our trip , I felt so frustrated and incomplete, it brings tears of anger to my eyes now trying to express the frustration and disappointment I felt.

That weekend, home in Australia I started the search for women/a woman again and on the first night I was so excited to see that there where Japanese students studying English in my town.
Of course as usual I went home alone but this time with a feeling of hope growing inside. Over the next month or so my infatuation for Japanese girls grew to the point where I stopped even thinking about Aussie girls. Weather this was a conscious decision or not it felt great to instantly not care about what I had for so many years been trying to get. I was on a constant look out for the Japanese English student girls in my town.
I was in Brisbane for about a week on my own and it was a great experience I really pushed myself like I had never before into making first contact with a girl. I would go out alone and have a great time at this international backpacker bar. There where lots of people from around the world so I felt like I wasn't in Australia this is a really great feeling. At this time I gained confidence and I started to think that these girls from Japan traveling in Australia could more often be interested in me. I felt like a had made a huge realization, all this time I had been chasing Australian girls having hell but never did it cross my mind to try to meet other girls, I realized there's a whole world out there with different cultures and women who have different tastes. My confidence grew and grew and as my confidence grew so did my happiness. I started getting excited for the future because I could easily visualize that very soon I could meet a girl.
I wasn't wrong back in Noosa(my home town) one night I just did it I was so full of confidence that I just walked up to a table of these Japanese students and introduced myself(I actually had a few drinks for a change as-well, so alas I was unable to do it completely sober which is sad). Anyway I started a conversation and they seemed to be interested .

Anyway long story short after about a week I went on a date with one of them then we saw each other often and did all the things I had imagined. I thought she was 26 and one day that came up in conversation on our first date and she went quiet, I then realized she was older than 26, early 30's( turns out she was 10 years older than me,I was 22). We went for long walks together I held her hand, then I put my arm around her then one day we kissed, and one day I stayed at her house. I felt so amazing that I had finally lost my virginity and actually done all the things I had wanted to do for sooooo long. I felt like I could do it again and again and easily meet other girls I felt like I had overcome my biggest fear but after about 2 weeks together she went to New Zealand (she would come back in a week). The day she left she had tears in her eyes and gave me a present, I started to feel something I wasn't expecting. When she left I went home and opened the present it was a photo album she made with a letter on the front page it said "These times with you ill never forget, thank you, I love you." There where all these photos she had taken of our time together. I felt so sad I started crying. Its hard to explain why I was sad, I guess because I didn't feel that way and it was sad to think that one day I would have to break her heart and dreams. It was sad to imagine her going home alone to Japan one day crying on the airplane feeling incomplete, going back to loneliness and not being able to comfort her and possibly never seeing her again. After her trip to NZ she came back to Noosa and we spent a month together. When it got close to the time she would have to go back to Japan we had to have a talk, with tears in her eyes she finally told me her age , she was 32 she said. She had not talked about her age after all this time because she was scared that I would drop her if I new she was 10 years older, I told her that I had guessed she was about that age and that it was o.k and I thought she was hot. Still crying she asked me what I wanted to do when she went back to Japan, I said i wasn't sure how a long distance relation ship could work, she said her friend has one and there isn't a problem so reluctantly I said yes. She became happier. When she left at the airport it was very sad and as the time got closer I started feeling sad. I didn't think I would be crying when she left but we where there both at the airport crying in the waiting room. I said good bye and ill see you again, there was a vague time she was coming back again to stay with me in Australia.

SO for the next 5 months we contacted each other over the Internet, one day she said she had worked out that she can come back to Australia much sooner than she thought so I felt I needed to tell her more honestly how I felt. I sent her a huge letter here is the main part of it "......I love you so much. I do care for you how could I not love such a gentle loving soft fun beautiful honest woman. When I’m with you I feel very good, I don’t feel alone and I forget all the worrying and harsh stuff in my life the time with you is always soft and special and loving because that’s how you are. I love to touch you and be touched by you. I love just listening to your soft voice. I really needed the time with you in my life I spent too much time alone wanting to do these things. So
I’m glad that I finally stopped being shy and spoke to you at Irish Murphy’s. Everyday I think about you at night I’m always wishing I could sleep with you.
However not everything is good with how I feel. You want to come over in may and I really really want you to all I can think about is touching you again, but then I think what happens after that ? what happens in the future ? I think about the time of your life and money you spend into coming to Australia and it forces me to think can I give you the love you deserve ?

When I said I didn’t mind about your age I meant I found that you looked young and I was attracted to you but I didn’t think about other things about age , like stage of life. I think you are ready to have a serious relationship and get married….can I marry someone anytime soon? when I think of marriage I become very scared . I don’t think I can give you the kind of relationship that you want in the future. I feel like my life is just getting started and I feel like I’ve gotten nowhere I have no money and no proper job I have achieved nothing. I have a lot to do and I feel that I’m in a different place in my life than you. Realistically….can I marry you ? I don’t think so, but I’m very confused I’ve gone from never even holding a girls hand to having a girl want to change her life just to see me. I Feel I don’t even understand love.
When I went into Irish Murphy’s just to have some fun never did I think I would be in this situation. I’ve never considered myself even able to have a girl friend I have my future planned a lot and many dreams and getting married anytime soon wasn’t in my plans, so it’s a bit of a shock and hard for me to think about. It changes everything. I want to say yes yes yes yes yessssss please come to australia!!!! but Is it just so I can have sex with you again? what will happen after some months…..am I ready to settle down ? I don’t think so…. Its getting late now its 12:45 AM and it’s the time when I always miss you at night I just wish you where here and we could be together and I don’t have to think about this. But it is necessary
And I would prefer never to see you again than to ruin your life or waste some of your time….
"

[TrainMan]

And that letter pretty much describes how I feel now as well with some differences.
So that brings us to the present situation. She came to Australia and it was great to finally touch her after all that time. We have been living together in Melbourne and time is running out soon she will have to go back to Japan again. What should I do ? what should I say ?
During some days when im often alone (she works most days until 11pm) when I walk around in the city I see other other girls. I remember what it was like to be single and how good it would be but then I think realistically about breaking up with her and then I get sad. I cant imagine being with someone else but I cant give myself to her. I miss the feeling of looking into the future and being free and the rush of smiling at girls in the street and I really want to go to Japan and live there single. I wanna be single but it makes me very sad thinking about breaking up with her because I love her and I will miss her and I don't want to break her heart. Why cant I be happy with my relationship with her, why cant I be great-full that someone loves me so much and stop wanting more ? I feel extremely confused and at different times of the day I feel different things. Its making me depressed and I cant live like this. I cant work and I cant be happy about the future. I have become connected to this girl to the point where we are one I cant imagine us to be again separate individuals, not thinking about each other not sleeping next to each other not being able to touch each other. Yet I cant be happy there is something wrong with the relationship or my thinking or my life, Im just not happy or content.
Answer this how ever you want or even better how you think would most help this situation just be honest. Thanks

[Illusional]

shit no.. i'm not reading all of that... that's a damn novel. however, just to make you jealous.. i'm going to tokyo next month..muhahahaha.

raverboy

[Moonchild]

It doesn't matter if you can pinpoint the reason or not. If you're not happy, you can't force yourself to be happy, and you shouldn't mislead her into thinking you are.

[TrainMan]

fare enough I wouldn't read that myself

[TrainMan]

It doesn't matter if you can pinpoint the reason or not. If you're not happy, you can't force yourself to be happy, and you shouldn't mislead her into thinking you are.

hello thanks !
but just one question I find it hard to believe that your read such a long post looks more likely that you just read the last bit am I correct , lol . don't get me wrong you can do what you want I just wanna see if am I correct or not if you actualyl did read that then thank you so much you deserve money and eternal happiness

[Moonchild]

Nope, read the whole thing, actually. XD; It's my way of procrastinating on studying for my Anthropology exam. Well, and I make a policy to read everything and reply where I think my opinion will be useful.

[TrainMan]

shit no.. i'm not reading all of that... that's a damn novel. however, just to make you jealous.. i'm going to tokyo next month..muhahahaha.

raverboy

ahaahah I've been to Tokyo
twice only for a week at a time.
Tokyo is like utopia, the Japanese really know how to have fun
they even have toilet with a remote control for warming the seat.
I am not jealous because one day I will live there and be married to a Japaneses girl

[TrainMan]

Nope, read the whole thing, actually. XD; It's my way of procrastinating on studying for my Anthropology exam. Well, and I make a policy to read everything and reply where I think my opinion will be useful.

thank you,
I don't make her think Im happy,
dont get me wrong there are times of happiness however.
but she knows I am confused.

[Moonchild]

Being confused leaves her in a limbo of sorts, though, not knowing whether things will stay as they are or end. Whatever you choose, try not to leave her hanging.

[TrainMan]

yeah I dont wanna do that to her

[Illusional]

gimme the short paragraph version and maybe i'll read your situation.

as for you being jealous, i know that you're a bit jealous. i love tokyo, however, i wouldn't want to live there. too many people in such a little area.

also it's funny that you mentioned the toilets. out of all the great aspects of tokyo, and you choose to bring up their sophistication by discussion of their toilets. speaking of which, have you ever used the benjo??

raverboy

[Cumfu]

You obviously just wanted to get laid.

Poor woman; you led her on.
If you're looking for pity, you won't find it here.
Pointing out that you thought she was younger than 32 is obviously meant to serve as an excuse. **** with someone who's not into commitment next time (there are plenty around, Japanese or not).
Lack of experience is no excuse to act like an asshole.
At least acknowledge your intentions. Would have given you a thumbs up.

[Junket]

I don't understand the asian fetish.

I really don't.

[Illusional]

I don't understand the asian fetish.

I really don't.

that's because you're not asian. as for me, i keep to my own ethinicity.

however, in the shoes of a white man, they like the diversity i guess.

raverboy