Questions and concerns about sex...

[rsolid80s]

I am a 20 yr old guy. I had sex for the first time this past March with an older woman. We did it six times, but it was not what I expected.

First, I went to visit her hours away, taking a bus to get there. In a different neighborhood that wasn't very high-class, I was naturally a little "out of place". Secondly, I had the flu earlier in the week, and seemed "out of energy". By the time the weekend was over, I had a massive fever and chills. Thankfully that didn't happen until after the date weekend. Third, I had a big Military physical coming up that was also on my mind.

I met the woman and within minutes we were going at it. However, during oral sex, and then real sex...I felt no gratification.

BIG POINT: When I learned how to masturbate, I could never do it the "normal" hand way. I could never get it wet or slippery because that feeling wouldn't allow me to orgasm. I would rub it against my boxers or a pillow to get quick and pleasurable release.

When I was getting oral sex and regular sex...it felt "good" but not the feeling that leads to orgasm. So the entire weekend, I didn't even come close to orgasming. (Pretty crazy for a first time, huh?)

Also, a few times...I would go soft. For no reason. I couldn't believe I was with a sexy mature woman and yet my penis was going soft! One can blame the illness and also note that other times that weekend I stayed hard a good while...but still...my age...with my good looks and youth...it frightened me. Also, there were times where I'd go to put my penis inside her, and she'd say "you're in"...but it didn't feel any different than being out. Also, I would get in the missionary position...and within 20 seconds of humping (and feeling like my penis wasn't even in and no gratification), I would get exhausted.

Well, after the trip...I read about how some guys have trouble at sex if they can't get off by masturbating the normal hand way. I promptly learned how to use the hand/wet/slippery feeling to get off. I'm hoping that with that, not being under the weather, and not having stressful thoughts...the next time I have sex (Going on five months now! ) I will not only stay rock hard but enjoy the feeling and cum. I'm really hoping that I cum with a woman...sometime in my life. Only had one though.

Also, sometimes if I see a REALLY steamy sex scene in a film...not cheesy music or laughing or anything...but a scene of like a dramatic gray movie with an estranged husband and wife pounding each other on the kitchen table or something...I get a "super horny" feeling. I tremble, my heart starts racing, I get a hot flash and my face gets hot, and I get extremely turned on and can orgasm fast. That feeling didn't happen my first time having sex...so I wondered if that's only something that happens if I see a really sexy scene in films or if excellent erotic moments like that do occur in real life.

Thanks for everything

[Lipp]

Usually, no matter how hard you try and even if you don't feel it much, there's quite a risk of anxiety going on if its one of your first times, if you feel stressed, if you feel as though you aren't performing as you should, worrying, and so on, and being aware of it happening just seems to make things worse. And it's quite normal, so it's better to try and relax, enjoy it and communicate with your partner in order to make it pleasurable.

Also, as for not feeling as strongly as you'd might expect it to be, us guys can also rely quite a bit on visual stimulation, which is why even having sex could be less stimulating than watching, as you mentioned, a movie scene. If you are worried about not being able to ejaculate, well, usually you can compensate that by increasing the intensity and friction (pounding faster, don't lubricate too much if you're using a condom and such).

[sarah_rsl]

A lot of guys seem to have the problem you've described, basically you've trained yourself to only really respond to mastrubation.

Like it or not no womans vagina is going to be able to put the same amount of pressure or your hand or feel the same way as if you were rubbing your cock on fabric.

You need to train yourself to orgasm some other way. Stop masturbating and wait untill you actually get to have sex.

If you're managing to satisfy her sexually, you might want to ask her if you can finish with her in a different way. finishing by rubbing off fabric whether it's a towell or something else, isn't that uncommon i've done it with guys in the past. If i've orgasamed I'd personally prefer the guy take care of himself rather than pound away at me for ages, maybe it's something she'll be happy to do with you.

[rsolid80s]

A lot of guys seem to have the problem you've described, basically you've trained yourself to only really respond to mastrubation.

Like it or not no womans vagina is going to be able to put the same amount of pressure or your hand or feel the same way as if you were rubbing your cock on fabric.

You need to train yourself to orgasm some other way. Stop masturbating and wait untill you actually get to have sex.

If you're managing to satisfy her sexually, you might want to ask her if you can finish with her in a different way. finishing by rubbing off fabric whether it's a towell or something else, isn't that uncommon i've done it with guys in the past. If i've orgasamed I'd personally prefer the guy take care of himself rather than pound away at me for ages, maybe it's something she'll be happy to do with you.

Good points...so is it just that? First time, takes some getting used to? If I don't masturbate...maybe I'll be harder than usual and more horny and eager to go for the finish. My fear is that if I can masturbate like crazy and cum...I should be able to have sex like crazy and cum. It felt different though...I can handle lack of pressure and wetness now since I've been using my hand...but I can only really do it laying or sitting down. I noticed when I had sex it was so much energy being exhausted when I was thrusting that I could barely do it, and during the trusting I certainly wasn't "feeling it".

That's my main worry. If I'm with a girl again, and I put it in...and I don't get the "Ohhhh" feeling that seems to occur in movies when guys enter a girl...what the hell is wrong? I mean...I am serious worried about this. How can a guy who can't quit masturbating and not have sex on his mind have erection problems and be unable to orgasm when he had sex for the first time at the age of 20! I am perfectly fit! 6 feet tall, 165 lbs, I'm ready to go and I was focused more on exhaustion than gratification. Point being...there was none! She could have humped me for hours and I could have watched TV. It worries me.