how to play my cards?

[steven001]

okay well things kind of started heating up with this girl i was talking to not to long after she had broken up with her boyfriend. we had been decent friends before this, but had lost touch for awhile, but once we hung out again things heated up out of nowhere. we were always just friends before i was suprised to break through the friendship barrier

we hung out a few times going out to dinner, a movie, getting coffeee, drove her to the airport. i always paid cuz she seemed to expect me to. she asked me what i thought of being more than friends and i said maybe we should give it a whirl and she said we should keep hanging out and see where it goes. good for me i thought.

this was all during winter break when we weren't busy at all. once we get back to school we hang out and she kisses me for the first time. we hang out a few more times and things are going fine, but she seems to be kind of not talking to me as much and i ask her where things are going. she says she wants to keep hanging out but doesn't have time for 'hardcore dating.' and then we hang out a few more times and eventually i kind of bring it up again because i really like her and want to be in relationship with her. she says she can't because she'd be re-doing what she just did. she broke up with her boyfriend of 2 years because she needs time to herself. i tell her im fine with that, but im really not feeling good about it.

we have been keeping in touch and i bring it up again how i really like her and asked her if she ever wanted it to go anywhere. she said she was really interested in me, but just doesn't have the time right now. so i tell her specifically all the things i like about her (the positive, warm vibe she gives off, the way she treats people & sees the good in everyone, how she is hardworking, has good values, and i feel like we really click - pretty much all quality compliments for anyone to recieve) and tell her whenever she decides she is ready to date again i'd be very interested. she doesn't seem to push me away, but she is actually thinking about transferring schools and she says thats really the only hangup.

so how do i go about talking to her in keeping in touch from this point? if she doesn't transfer i'd think i have a decent shot. we've been texting here and there and we hung out over spring break a little because we were in the same area...just kept it friendly. i bumped into her the other day and she said we should get together sometime. she's really the type of girl that seems to come to me when she wants to hangout, so im planning on just waiting for her to ask me because it doesn't seem to do much good when i try to ask her to hang out all the time.

as a guy wanting to have a relationship with this girl at some point, how much contact should i keep with her and should i wait for her to ask me to hang out?

[Cbrider]

You're crazy to wait on a girl like that. Whether or not theres something wrong with her or not isn't the issue here, NEVER put yourself on a fence for someone. Do your thing, go date and hang out. If she wants you she WILL come find you.

[alovehangoverr]

I agree with the above.. waiting on anyone is seriously a waste of time.

Live your life, date other people, if she truly is interested in you-- she'll pursue you. From what I've gathered from your post she's told you at least 3 times that it's not going to happen.. so it's time to back off.

If I were you, I'd keep it casual with her.. starts conversations up sometimes, respond to the attempts to talk she makes, if she brings up making plans, hang out.. but outside of that? Don't waste your time/energy/effort.

I'm trying to be optimistic for you here-- but excuses like "I'm taking time for myself," and, "I just don't have time right now," can be valid, sure.. but most of the time it's another way of saying "I'm not interested." Honestly, if she wanted to be with you, she would be.

[steven001]

I don't really feel like i explained the situation that well. i feel like what you guys are saying would normally make sense, but she's honestly not the 'typical' girl and she seems to kind of go about guys differently from my observation. here's some key things i left out...

- we had a pretty good friendship before all of this. it would be weird if we just stopped talking

- she takes school VERY seriously. she's still got a 4.0 in college going into her 4th semester & is having a hard time deciding on her career path which i know stresses her out from being friends with her. she also works a good amount and has some club responsibilities. she's very busy

- she really liked her boyfriend when she broke up with him. they had been together for 2 years, but just felt like she needed to

- i told her 'well one of these days when you are ready to date again i'd be very interested, although i know things don't always work out that way,' and she said 'yeah i dunno, guess we'll have to wait and see!' and i asked if that was a maybe and she said 'yeah that's a maybe, it's just that i might be transferring and that could really change my life, but who knows what's gonna happen'

I just feel like she's never really pushed me away for any kind of chemistry or attraction reason. i've made it easy on her a couple of times saying things like 'i'd be happy if we were just friends', but she always said she was interested, but doesn't have the time right now.

she's not interested in dating right now in general, not me i feel. but i feel like she will obviously change her mind about that probably not that far down the road and i'm hoping she will come to me when she does. am i crazy thinking that?

I wouldn't say I'm putting myself on the fence for her, i mean i am still talking to other girls and hanging out when i get the chance. i wouldn't hesitate to get into a relationship with another girl if i really hit it off, but i just haven't found a girl that i feel the same way about as i do for her. she's a really big catch and i feel like i'd be idiotic to throw away a chance with her. i hope i'm not being irrational, but this seems to be the way i can't fight feeling