don't want to hurt him, help

[aksy]

I met a very lovely boy a month ago. I had several dates, and now he wants more serious relations. But i don't love him! He is a brilliant boy, he is very attentive to me but i do not love him . He gave me some time to think over the situation! now I know that we cannot be together, but do not know how i may tell him in order not to hurt him .help please

[BeneathTheSun]

This is a horrible metaphor but it works nontheless. You walk into a furniture store and you see a great looking coach you buy it and you are very pleased with it and there is no reason why you wouldn't love this coach, it just doesn't match anything else in your living room and that is not the couchs fault. It will look great in somebody else living room.

Meeting people is selection, you can't expect to get it right everytime. Statiscally you match one in twelve people, he is just one of those 11 that doesn't match you and there is really no reason for him to be sad about this.

There are two ways in my opinions about letting somebody go, either you can phase him out, this will make him angry at you and the "recovery time" will be short. Or you can sit down and explain that even though it's good in theory it's not just gonna work out. He might be sad and bargain but eventually he will see it too. He deserves someone who loves him and he should be free and out there to find that person, it just wasn't you.

[sweetkissesforu]

You have known him a month that is really only the beginning why dont ask to be friends see if it will change

[aksy]

the problem is that I cannot look into his eyes and tell him that

[Herkymur]

If you were wanting a relationship with a guy and he felt about you the way you feel about this guy, what would you want him to do? I say sit down and look him in the eye. He'll respect you and you can feel good about yourself for being honest to yourself and him. I've been on the receiving end and the one delivering the news...it's the way to go. Trust me.

B

[devonbrown]

There is no certain way to avoid hurting someone. Just accentuate the positives about what you like about him but don't sugarcoat the reasons why you are declining his advances. He needs to know that you are saying no.
And you have to get past not being able to look into his eyes when telling him. No one likes hurting someone, especially one they think is a good person. But it would be worse to allow him to think he has a chance if he doesn't. This isn't about you and your displeasure with confrontation. It is about letting him down. The only easy way to do it is to do it respectfully, honestly, and in person.
Good luck.

[smackie9]

This is what dating is all about. You have to kick some tires to find the right one.....he is not. Being rejected and rejecting is a fact of life. The best thing is to be honest with him. Everyone gets hurt, but everyone gets over it and moves on. Buck it up sista.

[aksy]

thanks i will try to make it tomorrow somehow

[Raze]

This is all part of dating. You are going to hurt some people along the way. It would be more hurtful to him if you were to not tell him the truth - you do not love him. He will find out one way or another that you don't have feelings for him. It is best to tell him as early as you can. If you wait any longer, he will be even more hurt.

[Dean Kaplan]

Why are you talking about love and it's only been a month? Have you tried just simply telling him that it's too soon for such talk?

[aksy]

no, but I know that the problem is not in time, he is just not my type

[Raze]

no, but I know that the problem is not in time, he is just not my type

Look. You either like someone or you don't. There is no such thing as type. Let's say I say I like slim, Asian girls. That's not going to mean I'm going to fall in love with every slim, Asian girl I meet nor does it mean that I won't fall for someone who doesn't fit that stereotypical category. There's a high probability that I will fall for someone who isn't a slim, Asian girl. Everyone is too different from each other to be categorized as "types".

[RockNRoll]

A month is not that long time, you could have went on a couple more dates, but since you are confident already, that it's not going to lead to relationship and he asked you about becoming more serious, it's only fair to stop it. You are right and you should not have any doubts now, just go ahead and tell him.

He asked a question, and he knows that he may not like the answer. So at some level he is prepared. It's going to be a tough talk for both of you, but you should not blame yourself - you are being as good to him as possible. Be honest and clear. Tell him what you told us - that he is a nice guy and you enjoyed being with him - but keep this part short. Also, make it clear, that you made your mind already and there is no point to carry on. Basically, you don't match as a couple and it's nobody's fault.

It's much better to have this talk in person. Nobody likes doing it, but sometimes you need to do it. And you need to do it asap. If you find it too difficult, and it was only a month, I think it's acceptable to do it over the phone (talking, of course, not text). But that's the worst case, so better go and see him in person!