5th Date at Her Place: Seeking Exclusivity

[Mikey T]

I've been on four good dates with a woman, the most recent being at my place where I cooked her dinner and we made out. She stayed far longer than planned, nestled in my arms, and it was wonderful. She's now having me come to her place tomorrow (my suggestion, actually) and I could see sex being somewhat likely. I met her online and I honestly don't care to be using the dating site now that I met her, but she still appears to be on it sometimes (she did acknowledge this as simply being out of boredom, as she lives alone).

If things go well and we do have sex, I want to feel secure that we'll be in an exclusive relationship. Based on her chemistry answers and personality, I can't see her sleeping around with multiple guys (she's opposed to open relationships and wants something long term), but I also can't help but be a little concerned about the issue, mainly out of my own insecurity. I kinda doubt she's dating anyone else because her schedule is so flexible when I call her. We click really well and I think she's pretty special. Is it too much to discuss exclusivity at this stage, if things go really well tomorrow?

[CAM]

Sounds like you found someone nice, congrats.

Sounds like your girl is still seeing what's out there, but is tilting towards being with you. Maybe if you take her hint (...4 dates into the relationship) and get her knickers off and give her your stiffy. Sounds primitive, but you need to plant the flag, dude.

[surfhb]

Youre insecure and need to tred lightly. Exclusive relationship usually just happen....not by announcement. Dont bring up her still being on the dating site ...you're going to like a douchebag. Just relax and enjoy each others time.....why the rush ?

[couchpotato]

wanna keep her for long ? then : dont rush anything, never bring up the word "relationship", let her come and go as she pleases, never text or call after a date, careful with the sh*t tests, and never ever judge her past!!
Simple ? then you try that.

[Rosebud]

In my opinion, there is nothing wrong in wanting to be exclusive with someone your sleeping with. If things lead in that direction, there shouldn't be a problem in discussing the options about your relationship and sharing with her how you feel. If you feel once you sleep together that your exclusive than share that with her. I'm quite sure she would feel the same way. Just because she's still on that site doesn't mean anything, and it could very well be due to boredom. I would just go with the flow and be honest with her and tell her how you feel.

[Mikey T]

I've had several women tell me that they prefer to discuss exclusivity/the nature of dating before having sex, and I feel like we're close to that stage. But guys keep saying that this openness would ruin my "game" and make me look weak. I've heard every imaginable suggestion on this topic. I'm very confused.

In my opinion, there is nothing wrong in wanting to be exclusive with someone your sleeping with. If things lead in that direction, there shouldn't be a problem in discussing the options about your relationship and sharing with her how you feel. If you feel once you sleep together that your exclusive than share that with her. I'm quite sure she would feel the same way. Just because she's still on that site doesn't mean anything, and it could very well be due to boredom. I would just go with the flow and be honest with her and tell her how you feel.

Thank you very much. This seems very logical and proper to me. I don't want to be with someone that's sleeping around casually, but I don't want to forbid myself from having sex with her for several dates, which could also become very frustrating and confusing for her. I need to tread lightly and not come off as overly attached and needy, but I do think my perspective needs to be put out there for her.

Aside from her dating site log ins, all signs say she's very interested in me. Besides, she has very few local friends and lists "long distance pen pals" under her interests with the site. I myself have had pen pals on it.

[Rosebud]

You sound like you have it figured out, and it makes sense to do things that way. No you want to come across as needy or attached already but you need to make sure she knows where you stand as well as you knowing how she feels as well. There's nothing wrong in stating that your the type that when you do sleep with someone you don't sleep with anyone else. Good luck to you!