Need some answers in order to move on

[lovesux]

I broke up with my girlfriend around 2 months ago and I have sort off managed to move on, there is just a few questions that keeps on going through my mind. Let me explain:

We broke up on a Sunday. It was a mutual decision. She didn’t like her job and the city we lived in and so was really unhappy. This obviously influenced our relationship. She decided to move to a new city and get a new job. I didn’t want to do the whole long distance thing and so we decided to split up. The break up wasn’t nasty and she even wanted to know if we could get back together if things didn’t work out for her. Now for the things that confuse me:

Sunday – We break up. She spends the night at my flat
Wednesday – I get a message from her telling me how much she misses me and LOVES me and wants to be with me. I pick her up after work and she spends the night….
Thursday – I tell her to sort out her live and find out what it’s going to take to make her happy and that when se has found her happiness and wants me to be part of it, to let me know. She asks me NOT to abandon her.
Friday – She asks me to leave her alone. She wants to go out on her own. Apparently I make her depressed. (see Thursday)
Tuesday – She tells me that she doesn’t have ANY feelings for me anymore (from loving me and missing me, to nothing, in six days. Amazing)
Thursday – I find out she has a new boyfriend and that they got together the previous Saturday. Note: One of her friends once told me she liked another guy. I confronted her and wanted to end the relationship. She told me she wanted to be with me and not the other guy. (yeah right). Her mysterious new BF is the same guy!
Friday – I demand answers, she tells me to f-off and never phone or send her messages again (see 1 Thursday)

Two weeks later she sends me a message, telling me she wants to say goodbye before she leaves. I wasn’t in town, so I couldn’t say goodbye. She sends me a couple of ‘sweet’ messages and even tells me I can send her messages or give her phone calls anytime I want to. Even wants me to come and visit. (see 2nd Friday)
Now, can anyone please be so kind and explain to me, what is going on in my crazy ex’s little head? And why all those lies? I'd like to think she was just confused...

[XPixiedustX]

she sounds like shes' just trying to move on...she doesn't seem to be completely over you, since she has these bouts where she misses you and then bouts where she tries to move on. It definately seems liek she moved into a new relatioship too soon so it's probably liek a rebound thing. A lot of times girls are indecisive for upto a month after..i think you shoudl just write to her and ask her exactly what she wants and to stop changing her mind on you so much.

[Chlorine]

lovesux-----She doesn't know what she wants. She is also wrecked with guilt. To save yourself further confusion, pull away. She'll sort herself out...eventually.

[lovesux]

When we started going out, I told her never to use the L word if she didn't mean it. I told her that in the past I’ve had people telling me they love me and then do things that are totally the opposite of love and that I didn’t want the same shit to happen again. When she did eventually start using it, I figured she meant it. The day before we broke up (Saturday) she said that no matter what happens, I need to know that she'll always love me. Then 4 days later again she says she loves me and misses me. 2 days later she's got a new BF and 4 days after that she has no feelings for me. I guess I just want to know whether she truly ever loved me and whether the way she’s been acting is just her way of trying to move on. I just can't believe she could be so cold hearted as to say all those things to me, after knowing exactly how i felt and not have meant it at some stage.

[XPixiedustX]

how long did you go out?

[lovesux]

Not that long.. 2 months. I just don't get how people can't figure out that LOVE is a little bit more than just a four letter word. No offence to any younger guys, but I'd expect 14 or 15 year olds to have a problem figuring out what love actually means and they can be excused for still figuring it all out, but there is no excuse for a 22 year old, who has been in serious relationships in the past. It seems like taking the direct approach and asking people to make sure about their feelings, doesn't help either.

This is not a case of getting back with her. I don't want to go out with her again. As far as I am concerned, I'm the best she ever had. I was the real deal And the funny thing is, she knows it.

At least if I was sure she loved me at some stage I can trust my instinks in the future, but after all thats happened, I'm not that sure.

[XPixiedustX]

Honestly i don't know everything but it sounds like she wasn't really in love with you...at least not when she said it after you guys broke up....

[Cybog]

Your problem is using the word "Love" within a 2 month period, or calling anyone your "girlfriend" within that short amount of time. Hell, the fact you are actually concerned for someone who "breaks up" with you after 2 whopping months is amazing.

It's been 2 MONTHS SINCE the breakup! The "relationship" hardly lasted that long, and you are "sort of managing to move on"....are you kidding me...?

You don't know what a successful relationship requires. You don't know how to compose yourself around women, and you damn sure overreact over something as miniscule as a 2 month fling.

Maybe, over time, you will figure life out.

[David D]

How old are you? I too had bad experiences with the love word when I was younger, and it got thrown around when it wasn't meant. And it hurts, but I just moved on.

Recently I have had strong feelings for someone but I'm concidering moving on because, like you, the lies, games, tests and uncertainty remind me too much of how I got hurt first. I'm just going to see how things go before I think about moving into anything. Although this time I have been able to handle them a lot better than previously, and to be honest, it gets easier every time.

I think she probably isn't in love with you , but just, doesn't want to hurt your feelings. You can never realy know what goes on in a woman's mind, but always think posativly. If you think negativly it only drives you more crazy, I know from experience. So just let it go, and if things are going to work out, they will. Just give her some time and even if things don't work out, you've moved on so it wont hurt. Hell, you'll only meet someone better.

[Apache]

She's confused...and needs to sort things out. I'm sure she meant what she
told you, when she told you. But some people are careless in thier use of such
a powerful word.

You're adding to her confusion by asking her questions, almost forcing her
for answers. After you split, her telling you of how she missed you was her way of asking you if you felt the same way. Your answer was not what she wanted to hear, so she responded to you in completely the opposite direction of where she was a few days before.

But I think you responded properly, and even if you did tell her what she wanted to hear it would not have made a difference. She's got to sort her
self out.

If you're over her move on...some questions are never meant to be answered.
She's left the door open for you, so if you speak to her do so cautiously. You won't really know whats on her mind until she knows what she wants.

And this other guy...I wouldn't be overly concerned about it. She's still talking to you isn't she?

[lovesux]

Cybog - Dude, I think you should read what I said... I NEVER told the girl I loved her. I told her I CARED for her a lot, but I never used the word 'love'. I told her I would, when I felt the timing was right and when I was sure about where our relationship was going and how I felt. If you read what I said, I asked her to do the same thing and it was SHE, who told me she loved me on numerous occasions (I even told her once, that 6 weeks are to short a period to say that and she got upset).

I have been in serious relationships in the past. That’s why I say, I kind of know when your really love someone or when you confuse love with something else. AND yes, 2 months for me, is to short a time to really say whether you love someone or not.

When I said: "I have kind of moved on", I meant that I don't want to go out with the girl now or in the future. I don’t feel ‘hurt’ that she has/had a new BF. I don't feel depressed or sad And the reason why I'm thinking about this, 2 months after breaking up, Is because she started sending me messages a week back, which has caused me to think about her and our 'relationship'. I was just wondering whether she meant it, when SHE said she loved me, even though she acted the way she acted. I just find it a bit irritating (to put it lightly) that people can’t figure out there true feelings and use such words as ‘love you’, two days before getting a new BF. I just don't want the same thing too happen when I find someone that I really love and it turns out the person was just lying about their feelings.

And I don’t get what you mean with, ‘the whole 2 months being to short to call someone you’re GF’, comment. If you know someone for a month and then go out with them for two months. I think she qualifies as your GF, or why else do you call it ‘going out’???

Oh and I’m 23 (she was 22) and have been in a couple of relationships in the past. But yeah I suppose there just aren’t answers to some questions. Next time a chick tells me she loves me after 6 weeks, I’ll just dump her immediately.

O yeah, I might have mentioned, I broke up with her. Not the other way around. (Guys always need to be clear about that. 'I broke up with her'. Even though she might have dumped your sorry ass. Supose its and ego thing )