Busy or not that into me?

[lokikun]

Hi everyone,

I'm a 27 yr old who met a g/f who's 7 years younger than me. She's young, cute and sexy, very playful to start with and we started dating 2 months ago. Maybe I should share her background before I get started to let everyone get a wider perspective on this. She's a nurse student when we started off and she was on a 9-5pm schedule, just like any one in the working force. Things are great and we see each other about 2-3 times a week when we started. We had sex weekly but we've to rent a room as we're both living with our parents in HK.

Things start to get worse as she starts her practicum. Her shifts change weekly and sometimes she gets a day off on a Tuesday or Thursday. She's not very happy because she's tired of working unstable shifts where she may have to start at 3pm in the afternoon till 11pm, then working at 7am to 3pm the next day. I have always been attentive and considerate, but she has low EQ who had refused to go out a couple times even during her holiday. This is fine as I know everyone needs some space, esp when she works a high pressure occupation, but then one day when we agreed to go to a rented room to 'chill' again, she doesn't want to do it. I asked her why in a very nice manner and she said she'd spoiled me and we shouldn't do it so often before we get marry. She also said she was very tired from work etc, seems like giving out a lot of excuses.

Things between me and her other than sex are still manageable, and the only thing that bothers me is she likes to cave in when she's under stress or too tired. (kinda like my second question here) She will ignore my calls or just do her own stuff online even if I've msged her. The good thing is, she will call me back when she feels better. Do you guys think I should talk to her about this or just get used to her style? She's still young and I think she's not very good at handling stress.

Back to the sex, we haven't done it for almost a month already and I wanna ask again soon since she's off on Wednesday. I'm a little concern as she turned me down 2 weeks ago. And things were a little rocky for her in the hospital and her personal life. I felt that I should give her more time but on the other hand, I also wonder.. if she loves me, why won't she do it with me? We were pretty happy when I go visit her at late night just to have a quick supper with her, and I always buy her food to keep her spirit up.. should I ask? Or should I just be nice and let things cool down a bit (which may take ages unless she quits nursing) Any comments? Sorry for the long post and thanks everyone.

Loki

[vashti]

I'm a nurse, and I don't know how things are where you live, but in the states, nursing school is extremely stressful and challenging. In my program, 40% of the people who had high enough grades to even be accepted to the program ended up flunking out. The instructors can be volatile, and frequently yell at students, and sometimes even publicly berate them. I saw many students cry when I was in school. The academic grading system isn't the same as it is in regular school - < 80% is a failing grade. I studied approximately 20 hours a week outside of class time, clinical time, and lab time. In addition to all this, you must prepare for the state board exams while constantly being threatened with being dropped from the program. All in all, I pretty much considered nursing school to be the equivelent of boot camp.

I personally wouldn't have advised your girlfriend to enter nursing school with any romantic obligations at all. Relationships require too much effort to be helpful during nursing school.

That being said, since she didn't break off with you, she DOES have certain obligations to meet. If she can't/won't, it is up to you to decide whether or not you are interested in maintaining this relationship. Your sex life may or may not improve; perhaps she is dissatisfied, and that is why her interest is low. Also, it could be hormone-related. Is she taking birth control pills or antidepressants? They could negatively effect the sex drive.

On a separate note, I think you may be a bit too old for her, which might cause you to have different expectations from a relationship than she does.

[lokikun]

Thank you for your opinion Vashti. I think you are very right on the nursing part and I have talked to her about it saying that if it is affecting your life negatively, you should consider changing field when you are still young. She's only 20 and it's not the end of the world if she switch field. I also offered to support her financially and spiritually.

In regards to our sex life, it was pretty good and she had achieved multiple orgasms.. I don't see any problem with it unless there's something she didn't tell me. I've also communicated with her. I dunno if it is right to ask for it given that she always find her job so stressful and hard duty. But then shouldn't sex be something relaxing? I always let her sleep till 1-2 in the afternoon and avoid any activities that requires too much walking. For birth control pills... she haven't started on any yet since we're not that active. We're still using condoms at this stage and I don't want to get her mad when I'm being pushy about the pills.