Brokenhearted from Long Distance BF

[BrokenAnneka]

Hello all, this is my first time to post here. Hope you guys can help me.

I just broke up with someone yesterday. And I am so hurt!!!

I fell in love with someone I haven't met in person. .. I know I feel pretty stupid. We've known each other for more than 3 years only thru the internet and always liked each other but never really had a chance to be involved romantically until 4 months ago. The break up happened so fast... he wanted to take a break for 3 days and I said "sure, even longer.." then the next thing I heard myself saying was "let's break up for good." All these because I gave my number to a guy I met at a wedding. He wants me to be exclusive with him so I asked for a proof that he is exclusive with me too. A proof like to put on his myspace profile that he is in a relationship, his email password or any other simple things… but I did not specifically asked him what proof I wanted because I want him to do it voluntarily. But he couldn't do anything at all, he said that time will prove it (though he introduced me to his mom and sister over the phone last month which was really sweet). When we were just friends, he was going out with this girl from school and he mentioned having a sexual relationship with a different girl. That actually happened every time he had a girlfriend and he said that it was only sex. So I was a bit paranoid about that. He always told me to trust him and that we have nothing if we don't trust each other. I tried so hard to give him all my trust. But for him to prevent me from meeting and being friends with other guys (I’m not involved romantically to anyone but him), I needed some sort of an assurance that he's not doing what he did with his ex-gfs to me. At one point, he also said jokingly that he has some sort of privileges on having sex with other girls and I don’t… which really hurt me.

Honestly, I regret breaking up with him. He even said that he wanted to fix this and ask me to give us three days to clear our thoughts but my pride took over everything. I wish that I can take back everything I said. Am I truly stupid? We had plans on meeting in person (I’m supposed to travel to where he’s at because it is harder for him to travel to the US) and now that everything fell apart, I’m still hoping for that. I know that he wanted us to meet in person so much too but I don’t know anymore. I feel so pathetic. Please help!

[carl1222]

The guy at the wedding is a tangible person, the guy on the internet is not.

A long distance relationship is difficult, an intercontinental relationship is next to impossible.

I'm sorry that you developed strong feelings for the guy ... internet feelings can be very real, but common sense must tell you that 3 years without meeting is a non-starter.

Your decision to break it off and get on with your romantic life with someone else is your best choice.

Good luck with the wedding guy ... maybe he will help you get over the pain of breaking up!

Carl.

[BrokenAnneka]

Thanks for your logical advice. I guess if I cannot trust him then I cannot really go on with him. It's hard to stop thinking about him and move on just like that though.

[iyooxx]

no offense, he sounds like not a good guy for you...but i hope everything will work out for you...i dated a guy in AUS and i am currently in USA...and things didn't work out after 2 years or even a little more of knowing each other...i guess..sometimes, long distance can be really unexpected...you'll never know what'll happen next..it is all a risk here...and i mean i was about going to meet this ex too, but he ended up breaking my heart..but all the dreams i had with him or for him, were all shattered within that moment...but i am happy than ever now, because i found a guy who would love me for me and lives in US (even though in diff. state)...sometimes, if it weren't meant to be yours, then it just wasn't..hope you feel better...

[iyooxx]

you will move on eventually..and you'll find out how happy you are later when you get to know another person who is true to you...

[BrokenAnneka]

iyooxx, i wish i can say proudly that i moved on without him. him and i are back together. we're both suffering from trust issues though.

when we got back together, he told me that his email has 1,500 emails from his past and he prefers to keep it to himself but he will give me his password if i really want to. i respected that he wants his privacy so i told myself that i want to know his "present" and not his "past" anyway. instead of the password, i told him many times that if he wants to get back together, i want to make sure i'm the only one for him because he'll be the only one for me too. he said ok but for some reason, until now, i cannot feel that i'm the only one. the last couple of days, he's been saying that he feels our relationship is getting weaker and just ask me to report everything that i did, who i'm with etc etc when i'm out with friends... so pretty much, he doesn't trust me too!

we cannot trust each other but we want to stay together. i feel that this is going to end soon and i will get hurt more than last time but i'm still hanging on to him. it's totally easier said than done to move on without the person you love...

[Gigabitch]

It is completely insane to be talking about having trust in your made-up, online relationship.

You know what I can tell you about his "present"? He is presently single, regardless of what you two say to each other online. This is NOT a relationship, and you MUST start participating in your own life. Date the guy from the wedding.

[Lite]

Right, so the internet guy is a manipulative ass with double standards... And you regret tossing him? Grow a spine woman and learn to stand firm on boundaries that are important to you. Which includes confronting things that make you uncomfortable or that you feel are hurtful.

No person is so amazing that they are worth being a doormat for.

[lesa]

I hope that you find the courage and self respect for yourself very soon. You are so lost. <<<hugs>>>