Boyfriend broke up with me, now keeps calling after breakup?

[mixtapex0]

I'm 20 and my ex is 22. We recently broke up last month. We dated for a year and a half. We met over summer and since I attend college in another city we would only see each other every 2 weeks or so during the semesters. We spent all last summer together then when this Fall semester came around he started to act more distant and irritable. I could feel it in his voice when I spoke with him on the phone. I was really stressed with school and became anxious/depressed leading up to this rocky bit of our relationship.

I went home to try and de-stress for a couple days and after a day or two back home he brought the conversation on me. His words were "We need to take a break" and then he said "I just don't feel the same anymore, I don't know why" and "I still want to be friends" of course and "I will give you space and won't contact you for a while..but I mean I won't ignore you, if you call or text" okay..

Literally the next day he called me when he got off work. "I just wanted to see how you were feeling"

And AGAIN the next day. "So did you go back to school yet? How are you?" He knew I was stressed from school already and depressed, he was thinking I was gonna drop out of classes.

A week went by, back to school and work. He called me in the morning before he was going to work. He was asking how was school and work going, telling me about his work and life, wished me a Happy Thanksgiving. Just acting so casual. Then was like "Okay well I'll give you a call later!"

Maybe like 5 days later he called again, just again asking about my life, my Thanksgiving and all of that.

What the hell happened to the whole "not contacting" thing he talked about. The first phone call I got from him I felt a rush of sadness. Then after he kept calling I didn't really think twice about it, like it was normal.

He has called me weekly since the breakup and ever since he found out I was coming home for the whole month of December he has called me asking to see me and hang out...get "coffee". I have been kind of hesitant about this, its only been a month, is he just trying to be friends? I feel like this is kind of soon?

I have been avoiding seeing him since I got home 2 weeks ago. I haven't decided yet If I want to. I keep leaving him hanging not giving him a definite answer to whether or not I want to see him. What do you think his intentions are? Friendship? Or something else? This was my first real relationship where I really loved, so I'm not sure how to handle this situation.

[reeba]

Most people who want to take a 'break' already have a prospect lined up. And since it is a long distance relationship, who knows what he has all been up to in that college. So don't be asking him why he wanted the break. He will just lie if he is trying to hook up with you while you happen to be conveniently close by.

Have a talk with him over that coffee he wants so badly, and say 'either break up with me and leave me alone so I can feel like I'm free to find someone who wants to be with me OR go back to dating me and yes this WILL be mutually exclusive.' Guys are pretty direct. That is all you have to say, and ask for a simple answer. If you don't like the answer, end of discussion, leave. And what I mean by leaving is not hanging out and talk about the good old times. It means get up and walk away because you shouldn't have to argue your way back into a relationship, get on your cell phone providers website and block his cell number, block his emails, block him from facebook, delete his adresses so you can't do a middle of the night phone call. I mean go the distance and clean house.

Breaking up sucks. But it sucks a lot more when you they prevent you from moving on because they keep re-emerging. It is better to go cold turkey than to gently wean yourself off of someone.

[RockNRoll]

I think reeba is right. I was going to say to give him two options:
1. You two have clean break up and communicate only if you get in touch yourself.
2. You are 100% couple.
The 2nd is not likely, he clearly is not into this relationship that much.
He contacted you for the 1st or even 2nd time after breaking up to make himself feel and look better, maybe he also worried about you. He shouldn't call you regularly himself. Decide, what you want in a long run.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Just tell him you're not going to see him for coffee or anything else, and he is not to make contact with you at all anymore, unless he wants to get back together. After that you can ignore him without any guilt.

[devonbrown]

His calling you might not be as sinister as others think. People are creatures of habit. And if he saw you every two weeks (and I am guessing talked to you almost daily), and then every day for a whole summer, it becomes habit to want to talk to you. When he decided to tell you he needed a break, he probably had not thought about how he was going to fill that time void that used to be taken up with talking to you. So, he fell back into his habit, which was talking to you.
I agree that normally a "break" means that the person is looking for someone else or has someone else already lined up. Maybe this new person didn't work out and now he is regretting his decision with you.
He could also just have moved beyond faster than you have and does really want to be friends. Breakups are like grieving and everyone does it at a different pace and in a different way.
Finally, reeba is right on the money when she says that guys are pretty direct. It is possible that he is confused about how he feels, but your being direct would be a welcome to him as it would give him the chance to just put everything up front. Be prepared to hear anything though. If you don't think you can handle certain answers, don't ask the question.
Good luck.

[mixtapex0]

Thanks for your responses!

He did say he wanted a "break" initially, but then he just treated it as a break-up anyway. Telling people we broke up and changing the status on facebook. He already has pics on there with a new girl, partying with her and whatnot. He's even got his other ex girlfriend leaving him flirty comments on his page. He seemed to be a big player before I met him and apparently he hasn't changed. I'm glad I don't have to deal with the worry of who he's flirting with anymore.

I just wonder why he wants to even stay in contact with me.

I already know that I don't want to get back with him. I do want to get my stuff from him house though lol But anyways, it just disgusts me how fast he has pictures hanging out with this new girl and he KNOWS I can see it. Then he has the nerve to call me to hang out so much? I can't figure out what the hell to do. I guess I shouldn't hang out with him at all then? Just get my stuff and be done with it...let him see what it's like not having me in his life, period. Idk I thought I wanted friendship but at this point who knows anymore.