Once again annoyed at best friend

[MaidenMinx]

So last time I vented about her, she was planning to break a promise to baby sit for me. She ended up keeping her promise which was awesome of her. Last weekend was when she babysat and since then she has ignored me.

I don't call her often because she often can't talk while she is at work and she doesn't always start and finish at the same time. I don't like calling her at home because she still lives with her folks and it's a family phone that everyone uses.

Since last weekend, I haven't heard from her at all. I've tried calling her mobile every evening because I wanted to invite her mum to the movies because I knew she'd love it. Not once has she answered. I ended up calling her mum and inviting her out anyway. Since then I have received a text message saying "Have fun! Look after my mummy for me"

When I took her mum out she ended up paying for more than I was comfortable with. I tried a few times today to call my best friend to ask if she could drop in and pick up some money to slip in to her mums purse. After the 3rd ignored call I left her a message saying I was quite frankly over trying to speak to her and that her ignoring my calls is exactly why I don't call her often. She just called me saying "Hey chicky, I have f**k all battery"
"well I'll just let you go then" was my response
"How did everything go?" she asks
"I don't feel like talking right now. I've been trying to call you all week and you couldn't be arsed answering...." I try to say very calmly
"F**K YOU BITCH!!!!" was the last thing I heard screeched at me before I hung up on her.

The bit that pisses me off the most is I know from talking to her mum that she has spent most of the week with her on again off again boyfriend. Why this pisses me off is that when she is single, I can barely get any time to myself because she is either here all the time or constantly on the phone to me wondering what is so wrong with her. When she isn't single I never see her. When I do, it's because I have had to hassle, whine and eventually cry to her that I feel 'ditched for dick' is how I usually phrase it. Basically, it comes down to the fact that if she has a penis in her life, she seems to not need a best friend.

Top that off with the fact that her boyfriend is best mates with my brothers, has spent weeks sleeping on my mums couch in the past and was I thought a good friend of mine, it just adds insult to injury.

I am totally over her attitude and really want to tell her to get f**ked.

Am I being over-sensitive? Or am I justified in feeling used?

[MaidenMinx]

Well I have so far resisted the urge to tell her to take a flying leap, but I have decided to pull back. It's occurred to me that as friends we may be simply growing apart.

I know I sound like a forlorn lover, and I guess in a way I am. She has been my best friend for 12 years and I have known her for 14.

How is it I can manage to hold together a romantic relationship with my husband but I can't manage friendships?

[IndiReloaded]

I really don't know what to say, Minx. The whole interaction seems strange to me. You take her mom out to a movie? Based on your posts I have 4 guesses;

1. She felt pressured into child minding (do you pay her for this?) and is now resentful you pressed her.

2. Her mom said something about how much she paid for a movie (normally you pay if you invite someone) and is upset about the money

3. She had a really poor interaction w/her BF (is she jealous you are married?)

4. She's nuts.

[MaidenMinx]

Her mum is a huge fan of opera and operettas and I knew she would LOVE to see the Mikado at the cinema with my mum and I. I sincerely offered to pay for her and she blatantly refused. I'm not good at arguing with my elders and she has her pride. Her mum was thrilled to be invited and thanked me over and over for thinking of her.

My best friend won't accept money for child minding, wouldn't even let me give her money for takeaway for dinner. When she told me she couldn't keep her promise originally, I got upset (naturally) and then made plans to take my son along with hubby and I. She told me all but last minute she was available and insisted I let her babysit. She is also my sons godmother and counts babysitting as part of her duties.

She is jealous that I have a husband and a son and a home. I'm jealous that she earns a ridiculous amount of money and has no responsibilities that she can't palm off on to some one else. I always thought it was akin to mutual admiration but now I am not so sure.

Yes, she is nuts. Birds of a feather flock together.

I'm now choosing to alter advice given here often to people trying to get over a break up. I've put in the forms to do some volunteer work so that I actually have a life to speak of outside of my home. I'm also hoping I might be able to make some new friends.

[HeartIsAching]

"I don't feel like talking right now. I've been trying to call you all week and you couldn't be arsed answering...." I try to say very calmly

Whether you said it calmly or not, it was a confrontational and inflammatory thing to say. It's not at all surprising that she reacted negatively. Her reaction was however, way out of proportion. Remember your "I Statements" MM!

I'm thinking she's stressed about her relationship with her BF which she knows you don't approve of, she heard you getting pissy with her and lost her temper. I'm not saying you weren't justified to feel the way you did - because you were... but maybe it could've been handled more diplomatically.

I also know that you're coping with being off your meds and that makes things much more difficult. Hang in there.

[MaidenMinx]

I did say that badly. It was a poor choice of words.

I don't care who she is with. What I do care about is her and when you watch your best friend be completely disrespected for weeks and weeks by another friend it isn't so easy to drop it all. She has shown me a side of a family friend I hadn't seen before and didn't want to see. I'm taking some time to adjust.

When she was going through all the BS with him I actually had to tell her that I wasn't sure what she needed from me as a friend. I didn't know if she needed me to be the upfront "this is how it is" friend or the "there there he'll love you again" friend. I ended up doing a lot of both.

As for the meds thing, that is another issue! I have to hear her vent over and over and over again, yet I try to have a chance to vent, she doesn't answer.

[sadie_genie]

I have realized the key to keeping good relations with friends is never to expect too much from them. I have friends who have known since childhood and we still have peaceful relations because whenever she cannot do something,cancels out, make choices I disagree with, etc, I never make a big deal out of it.

[MaidenMinx]

I'm starting to realise that my best bet is probably to expect nothing from this particular friend. I think I'll have to also stop referring to her as my best friend because that title brings certain expectations with it in my mind.