Friends without benefits

[Kyliefan]

I had been "seeing" my closest male friend for the past 9 months, but recently he called it off. I put it in inverted commas because we never defined what we are, and tbh i was relieved when we said it was over because not knowing if i was his girlfriend from one day to the next felt like constant rejection. For the last month we've got on great and been able to continue being friends. When we split he told me he was worried that because he didn't want a relationship he would end up doing something that hurt me and wanted to stop before that happened. Basically he wants to put himself about a bit with other girls.
For the last few weekends I've been worried sick whenever he's gone out, it's been like waiting to rip off a plaster. I decided to bite the bullet and ask him if he's been with anyone else. He said he hasn't slept with anyone but he has pulled randoms, i was just like *shrug* at this, but that he's pulled the same girl from work a couple of times. She is 7 years younger, and lives with her boyfriend who is coming to work at the same office soon. I was shocked that my friend had got into anything with a girl with a boyfriend, as he's been cheated on himself, and reacted by telling him what he's done is wrong and she's obviously not a nice girl. He went mad at me and called me sanctimonious. I felt really hurt that he seems to have got himself involved with some dumb situation so soon and then had a go at me. I want us to be friends but i feel really hurt now and don't know what to do. Any ideas?

[searock]

I think you should stop seeing him and interacting with him in any way. I mean that you should erase him from your life. You have romantic feelings for this guy that are not reciprocated by him, so if you continue being close to him (as friends or anything else), the only result is that you will get even more hurt. He doesn't sound like a catch anyway.

[basilandthyme]

Hon, the relationship is over. What he does after you and he end things is no longer your business. Given this fact, I'm not surprised he had a go at you for giving your opinion about what he's doing.

If you don't want to be friends, then don't be his friend. It really is this simple.

[Kyliefan]

He did ask me for advice and said, "it's reallly bad what am i playing at?" We've been mates for 6 years and dont wanna lose that. But surely he shouldn't still be trying to use me as a confidant, especially if he knows he wont like what he'll hear?

[basilandthyme]

He did ask me for advice and said, "it's reallly bad what am i playing at?" We've been mates for 6 years and dont wanna lose that. But surely he shouldn't still be trying to use me as a confidant, especially if he knows he wont like what he'll hear?

If you want to stay mates, then I guess you need to accept that mates confide stuff with each other. Even bad stuff.

[michelle23]

You cant stay friends. Your just hurting yourself more and you will never get over him this way if you dont get rid of him. Anyway he used you so why the heck would you wana be his friend. Its obvious you wanted a relationship from the start while he just wanted FWB-he obviously doesnt respect you as a friend so you owe him nothing. Move on with your life and stop wasting time on losers. There are much better guys out there

[okwhat2013]

Sigh, you can't be friends with him if you can't control the hurt, why would you. I try to start picking out the things I don't like about them, like the biggest turn-off and then when they pop in my head I immediately think of that huge turn-off. Soon when ever you think of them you think of that turn-off and it doesn't take long before you lose romantic feelings. Hope that helps.

[smackie9]

This is a losing situation....what the hell are you doin girl? He is an adult and doesn't need any lectures from you. You really need to give yourself distance from him for a long long while. You need to gain some self esteem (9 months of feeling rejected? seriously?) Go out with some friends and have some fun instead of wasting your time charting this guy's every move.....time to really let it go.

[michelle23]

ya stop settling for second best or allowing yourself to be second best. You knew he was stringing you along the past 9 months and you let him make a fool of you. Time to grow a backbone love, be more independent, confident and strong and dont let blokes walk all over you. Its 2013 for f**k sake. Stand up for yourself as a woman, demand some respect. If you want to attract the right type of guys and want him drooling over you never wanting to let you go than you have to show him you are strong and take no s**t from anyone especially not him.

You have doormat written all over you and unless you change that-no guy will ever respect you

[kimhotcake]

Ya, I agree with what everyone said. It's way too angst-filled. Meet another fun guy, and watch your worries all disappear.