Friends with benefits

[Sugarbabe72]

Hi All

I posted on here a lil while ago. I have now been broken up with my boyfriend for nearly a month now. In that time, I tried to keep strong, but broke the no contact a few times, and he basically ignored me and never picked up my calls.

Anyway he finally messaged me , then he rang and we had a long conversation for over an hour and then we agreed to meet up last night.

When I saw him, he was a whole new person. He has been going to the gym, he has lost about 8 kilos, and his whole attitude was different. Amazing what people can do when they are out of a relationship isnt it. Anyway we talked for a while had some dinner, then he wanted to come back to my unit for awhile. We sat and watched a movie, then he started talking about having casual sex.

He basically said you and I both know we cant be together right now, but we feel so comfortable with each other, and we should go with the flow and then not expect anything afterwards i.e no strings attatched. He did say if we do anything I dont want you to feel "used" in the morning, otherwise we wont do anything. I said Im not the type to have casual flings with people. However after a little while , one thing lead to another and the rest you can work out for yourself ......

After he left, I felt so down. Im not sure why. I mean it was beautiful, but I feel like it meant more to me than him. I dont know what to do now, because I still love him very much, and being with him makes me feel close to him, but I think I may be damaging any chance of actually getting back together in a relationship by having this casual thing with him ...

Im not sure what I should do from here, any advice would be great.

[Lloyd95]

You got played; plain and simple.

[Junsui]

Sounds like he's using you. I'm sure it did mean more to you than him.

[Rosebud]

Yea bad idea! I agree with Lloyd, he used you for he wanted and may continue to do so if you let him. It sounds like he doesn't want to be back with you at all so I don't think you have to worry about ruining anything you may have in the future but I would definetly stop all contact!

[Lloyd95]

Yea bad idea! I agree with Lloyd,

Quoted for permanency.

[Tone]

You got played.

Don't give him sex, especially since you're obviously still emotionally attached. He'll never come back to you if he knows he can have sex with you, while he's out there looking for someone new.

[shh!]

he started talking about having casual sex....not expect anything afterwards i.e no strings attatched. ...After he left, I felt so down. Im not sure why. I mean it was beautiful....

What was going on in your own head may have been beautiful, but what was going on with your bodies wasn't. Stay away from him.

[Junsui]

You are older, you should know what's going on. He's young and stupid.

[Debunkt]

You done fugged up. Don't do it again.

[bluesummer]

Ugh, this is a bad situation. He doesn't want to be with you, but he wants to have sex with you. So basically, like Tone said, he's just going to keep having sex with you until he finds someone else......someone he wants a relationship with AND sex. Then you'll drop you like a hot potato. Show him you have a little more pride than that and cut him off. Otherwise, you're just going to wind up hurt.

[independent]

"He's not that into you" (according to the books I just read)

Guys are jerks that way. They will endure a whole hour of conversation. An entire movie. And lots more... to get what they want.

The next time he calls you, dont pick up the phone. If he catches you in person or on the phone somehow, and asks to meet-up, just say "no thanks - already got other plans". REAL casual. No emotion, no questions, no nothing. Just drop him like a hot potato.

You can move on with your life, and you'll leave him wondering "WTF??".

[Sugarbabe72]

Well before I read your posts I actually sent him a text message. Not sure if that was a good idea or not.

I said .. Last night was really nice, but I dont feel comfortable in having sex with someone who is not my boyfriend/partner. So we either start dating and take it extremely SLOW or we dont see each other ever again. Because we will both wind up hurt with a casual fling...

So now im waiting to hear back from him. I actually know what he is going to say anyway, so i guess the text was not a good idea, but I need him to confirm it, so I can really move on.

Will keep you updated once or even "if" he replies.

[clynn]

Who knows what this means.....

.....but in either case you feel bad. And that is no good. You shouldn't be doing something if it makes you feel bad.

......So I would consider not doing this again.

...Also, really, this is an unfortunate situation as it sounds as though you're pretty aware that you could have treated him better during the course of the relationship. And since you didn't he might even be feeling happy and getting revenge on you or something like that....

[Tone]

If he says ANYTHING besides "Okay, let's get back together and try again" then be done with him, otherwise you're just gonna continue to get played for as long as it takes for him to find someone new.

[Sugarbabe72]

Ok he just replied and said

I'll have to really think about this"


ARGH !!


Why not think first, then reply....now he wants to keep me hanging i guess.