Hello forum members. Warning, long post to follow

I'm Lidle. I'm 20 years old, interested in music, acting, writing, humor and movies, and am currently single. In fact, I've been single all my life. All throughout high school, I didn't feel it was a good idea to date anyone. This was just based on all my friends telling me stories about their relationships and the drama that went through it. It even stopped me from asking out a girl who made it painfully obvious she liked me and wanted to go out. That's not to say there were never girls I liked, but there were none of them that made me feel comfortable enough to ask them out. But you know what? I was ok with staying single. If a girl I liked wanted to start a relationship, then by all means I'd love to. But if not, then that's ok. I'm still cool with remaining friends

Come the week before my 20th birthday, and I am having dinner with a group of friends, when one of the girls, who I kinda liked, asked us "am I the only non virgin at this table?" Now, the answer was no, the girl sitting next to me was not either. However, this hurt me. I went home and started to ask myself why that hurt me. I knew that my friends around me were having sex while I was busy leveling up my character in World of Warcraft, and that never bothered me before. But for some reason, this girl calling me out on it left a mark in my heart. I spent the weekend moping around my bedroom, and pondering. I finally came to the decision that I was jealous that she was sexually active and I wasn't, not because I was ashamed to be a virgin, and certainly not because I wanted to just have sex with girls, but because she managed to do what I never even imagined I'd do, get close enough to a member of the opposite sex to start having sex. I've never known trust like that. So I made the decision that I would start dating.

Naturally, I felt intimidated. After all, I was walking into a field where it felt like everyone around me was up to the having sex stage whereas I have never even been on a date before. I felt like I was looked down upon, and as a result became more depressed. I met up with another girl on the Monday after that weekend. She was an actor like me and we were both in a play together. I was fully expecting to not be able to pay attention due to me feeling sad. Instead, I was immediately cheered up by her. I felt happy, and like my old self again. I then decided that this girl was pretty cool, and maybe I should ask her out.

One thing you should know about me is that I get nervous really easy. The following week I started getting nauseous around her, and even started cramping up due to pure stress of possibly asking her out. She was incredibly nice to me that week. During one rehearsal, I started getting a terrible case of cramps. She wouldn't leave my side until she was sure I felt better, and even walked me to my car to get my tums.

Finally, after I got my nerves together, I finally said to her "Would you like to go out sometime?". She smiled and said sure. She even admitted that she wanted to go out with me for a long time. So I spent the day happy feeling like I finally accomplished something. All that was left to do was to have the date and see where things would go from there.

However, she then started getting distant from me. She wouldn't talk to me as much as she used to and started not laughing at my jokes. When I confronted her, she said that her last relationship messed her up quite a bit, and she felt it wasn't fair that we go out right now. So I figured I move on.

Come a little while later. I have asked two other girls out, but neither of them wanted to. In the meantime, I was taking a creative writing class, and met another girl in it. When I friend requested her on facebook, and had some conversations with her, she asked for my number so that we could talk on the phone. Now, I thought this girl was quite pretty, but when I talked to her a bit, she started to seem like a girl who wasn't really my type. But she seemed to like me, and that was enough for me. I asked her via text if she wanted to have lunch with me. She said yes, sounds like fun.

I went out to lunch with her fully expecting it to suck. Instead, I had a lot of fun. We talked, we laughed, and we both had fun. So I asked her out again, and again. Finally after a little while, I decided I liked this girl and asked her to be my girlfriend. She said no. Her reason was she just got out of a relationship and wanted to wait a little while. But she made it clear that she likes me and wants to continue dating.

So we go out some more, all the while I start to like her more and more. We even made out once. I was convinced that when she gets over her last break-up that she'd want to be in a relationship with me. Months pass, and nothing. I call her up asking her if it's going anywhere, and she said that it's not just her last break-up anymore, but it's her not wanting to be in a relationship with anyone. She's going through some problems, and is not ready for another relationship for a while. We remained friends, but now I'm back on the market again.