Vulnerability Issues

[ImJustSagan]

Argh! Hi...

So there is this guy that I like a lot. A lot. I wrote about him on this forum before. We went on a few dates a couple of months ago. I was so excited about him that I was a bit too eager (I would get impatient and ask him out before he could ask me) and he ended up telling me that he wasn't looking for anything serious. I took that to mean that he wasn't interested in me and for about a month we proceeded as friends. We talked a bit but we didn't go on anymore dates. We both dated other people.

A few weeks ago he contacted me asking if I wanted to go on another date. We went out and he opened up to me that he's rushed into relationships in the past and he could see himself doing that with me which was why he said he didn't want anything serious. He told me that he meant to slow things down but he never meant to give me the impression that he wasn't interested in me. He even said that he's dated other girls but he didn't connect with anyone like he connected with me. He asked if we could give it another go and I said yes. He said that he was happy he hadn't "blown it". Meanwhile in my head I'm thinking that I'M happy that I didn't blow it.

Since we've started going out on dates again I've let him lead the pace. I've been a lot more disciplined. I have not asked him out at all, not once, instead I wait for him to ask me out. I don't text often. I only text if I have a specific question to ask about when/where we're going to meet up. I know that I'm being disciplined because I don't want to scare him off, but I also worry if I'm being too cold.

In the back of my head I can't help but keep in mind that it is entirely possible that he still doesn't want anything serious. We haven't talked about being exclusive. He's not my boyfriend and we really avoid talking about "us". We've expressed how much we like each other but I'm well aware that someone can act like they really like you without actually wanting to be with you. Trying to keep a long story a little shorter we haven't taken things very slowly at all. We've have 4 dates since then and things are progressing quickly. My feelings for him are growing everyday but it scares the crap out of me. He tells me I'm beautiful and tells me he's smitten. It all seems very well but I'm having issues being vulnerable with him and letting my feelings show. I feel like I did that before, I led with what I felt and acted open with him and it turned him off. Now that I'm a little more conservative with my feelings toward him and I'm disciplined with when and how I respond he's giving me the feedback I want, but that's not the relationship I want. I want to be open and honest and loving and caring but I don't feel "safe" doing that yet, I guess. Sometimes I slip up and I tell him how much I like him. I almost told him that no one else has made me feel the way he makes me feel but I stopped myself. I don't want to have to stop myself from being honest about those things. I want to be able to ask him out when I want to see him and to let him know how much I'm starting to care about him. I just can't bring myself to do it. I think he'd run for the hills if I did.

Has anyone else been through something like this? What were some ways that you worked on becoming brave enough to be vulnerable with a partner? I completely realize that vulnerability comes at the risk being hurt but I think he's worth the risk so how come I can't bring myself to open up? :/

Sorry for the long post.

[pisces25]

Well if he is telling you such things like you're beautiful and he's smitten then you should be able to say how you feel too. I don't think what you do or don't say is going to change the outcome. A relationship should be fun and easy and open not like walking on eggshells. Part of getting to know someone and dating is to see if you both feel the same and if there is a foundation for something more serious. Just be yourself coz if you're not then he isn't getting the real you and that isn't fair. If he runs for the hills, so be it, he obviously isn't the one for you.

I remember after only a few months of dating my BF said he loved me. I said 'I'm flattered but I am still getting to know you and can't say that yet, although I do have strong feelings for you.' He accepted that and it made me like him more and more for it. Point is, be yourself and if he doesn't like who you are then find someone who does.

[cheekxs]

He already told you what he want and is about.
If he comes back is often to use you or get some sex.

Especially if you are a girl and ask a guy first to take you out.

They will see you as a easy snack.

So i think you need to leave him. And be very aware of where of what he do and ask you to do.

but its better to leave him as anything. So you dont have to be worry all the time.