FIrst meetings, she has DUI. 3rd gal!

[twooddtrees]

Ok, I have meet 3 woman now through online dating that all have a DUI. So none of them can drive right now. SO my question is...red flag, or forgivable? Now we have to assume that their excuse is valid. And each one says, they do not drink often or much but basically had a bad night, break up etc.. and made a bad choice and got caught. SO I am at a loss on if I should continue to get to know someone like this. I do not drink at all, by choice. I am always looking for red flags, and alcohol abuse is a huge one for me, so I am wondering how to take this.

What do you all think?

[TheEvilJester]

You do not drink at all? Awesome! Fist bump, bro! (The kids still do that these days, right) LOL! I don't either. Doesn't seem to be many of us around.

Anyway, I think I may be the wrong person to ask about this. Frankly, I think this would be a pretty HUGE red flag to me and may even be make or break. I mean, we all do dumb things now and then, but I don't see how driving while intoxicated is EVER excusable. Not only are you putting your own life in danger (but at least that is your own fault), you are also putting the lives of your passengers in danger (though they likely KNEW you were inebriated and chose to be okay with it anyway), as well as the lives of other drivers.... who did NOT have any say/knowledge in your impaired state.

But, then again, being somebody who does not drink at all, maybe I'm over-reacting. I don't know. Hopefully others can offer their thoughts. I guess the only way I could maybe see some leniency is if the DUI were a ridiculous, trumped up charge. Like, for example, they basically had a sip of a beer and were NOWHERE near the legal limit, yet some jerkwad cop drunk on their own power gave them a DUI anyway.

[twooddtrees]

Y
But, then again, being somebody who does not drink at all, maybe I'm over-reacting. I don't know.

Yeah, I am hyper sensitive to the issue, so I always need help focusing on these issues.

[smarta$$]

In this day and age of Uber and Lyft, I consider DUIs to be a pretty big deal. If you are using dating sites, I suggest you include on your profile that you don't drink regularly, and don't want to be involved with people with arrest records. Why waste your time?

[twooddtrees]

Well, I went ahead and took the date! NEVER AGAIN!!! No she no longer drinks. However, I picked her up at her house. SHe showed me her living room, then told me she has roommates. OK...a lot of single woman do seem to have them. When we got in my car she told me that it is a group home for recovering addicts! Then she asked if I want to continue with the date!! Well I just drove an hour so...wtf!!!????

[twooddtrees]

Ok...i just had dui girl [URL=http://www.loveforum.net/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=4]#4[/URL] !!!!

Wth???!!!

[DatingAlpha]

LOL. I don't drink as well except during special occasions. As soon as I find out that a girl smokes and drinks too much, I cross them off my list no matter how hot/beautiful they are.

It looks like you are focusing on the alcohol stuff, and the law of attraction is bringing that to you. I suggest you focus instead on the positive qualities you're looking for so you attract more of them to you.

[melancholia]

I would say it's forgivable if she seems really interesting, and she has learned her lesson. We've all done stupid, stupid things before, and nobody is perfect. If someone you're interested in has a negative past, but they learn from it and use it to motivate themselves to be better, then I'd be inclined to give them a fair chance. Everyone is different though, and only your opinion truly matters.

[Wakeup]

I am always looking for red flags, and alcohol abuse is a huge one for me, so I am wondering how to take this.

What do you all think?

I think that if alcohol abuse is a huge red flag for you then you should next them. "Having a bad night" is no excuse for driving while under the influence. There is always a cab or a designated drive and I'd be more inclined to believe that they got drinking too much while out on first meets, drove home afterwards and got pulled over.

If you've been able to pull three women on dates then you should have no trouble pulling one that is sensible. These three are not.

[melancholia]

Lol... this site is really good for a laugh. If something is a "huge red flag" for you, then why on earth would you even consider seeing them again? I stand by my statement that everyone does stupid sh*t sometimes, and learning from your dumb actions is part of being an adult. So, I do think people can recover from DUIs and learn to make better decisions in the future. However, you are not learning to make better decisions for yourself if you are considering going against something you feel strongly as a "red flag". Especially when there are tons of people out there who can be responsible and not drink and drive.

[TheEvilJester]

Glad to hear some others chime in and I think that is a good point melancholia points out. I could see maybe having leniency on it if it was something that happened a while back and they seem to have learned a lesson from it. Again, we all do stupid things at some point in our lives. If they used it as an excuse to become a better person, then I can see looking past it. Nobody deserves to forever be condemned for their past mistakes unless they never learn from them.

However, if their DUI was recent and/or they seem to have learned nothing from it (or even STILL drive under the influence) then I'd definitely be with you on considering that a pretty big, flapping red flag.

[smarta$$]

Well, I went ahead and took the date! NEVER AGAIN!!! No she no longer drinks. However, I picked her up at her house. SHe showed me her living room, then told me she has roommates. OK...a lot of single woman do seem to have them. When we got in my car she told me that it is a group home for recovering addicts! Then she asked if I want to continue with the date!! Well I just drove an hour so...wtf!!!????

Someone doesn't live in a recovering addict home unless they have an issue. Whether or not they are trying to recover, I think it is too soon to take a chance.

[TheEvilJester]

Agreed with smart@$$. I mean, if it weren't such a big issue to you, I'd say maybe you give her a chance. If you'd been through something like this yourself but gotten out of it, I'd say maybe you give her a chance to see if she can do the same thing. But, being as you are somebody who does not partake in those sort of activities at all, it does sound like too much of a risk. If she's in a recovery home sort of situation, that implies her issues may not be fully in her past, or even if they are, they have not been for long.

If you'd met her down the road, longer into her recovery, maybe that would be different. Again, though, it will have to be your decision. If you feel you enjoy her enough and wish to continue the relationship, then maybe you deem it worth the risk. Good luck to you either way.