Does the whole "nice guys finish last" thing stop after college

[ConfusedSoul88]

People say college changes people, and it does. But the stupid love games continue. Ive been rejected because i try to become friends with a girl, because im a year younger than a girl, and all sorts of other stuff. I thought those things change after high school, but i guess not huh?

[sheenietee]

Well, I'm a girl and a Freshman in college and I'd have to disagree with you. I have been with typical "fraternity" guys and with nice guys as well. The ones I always end up dating/want to date are either my guy friends or the guys that are nice and treat me with respect. Maybe you are trying to front the wrong girls or in the wrong environments? Some girls just want to have fun and party and aren't looking for a relationship.

[OneQuestion]

College was a lot better than highschool - but still had some weirdness to it's structure.

I'm a nice guy though, I found my fiance my freshman year at college and been with her last 6 years.

I think it is more about the girl you meet, and at college, there are plenty to meet, so good luck!

[OneQuestion]

Well, I'm a girl and a Freshman in college and I'd have to disagree with you. I have been with typical "fraternity" guys and with nice guys as well. The ones I always end up dating/want to date are either my guy friends or the guys that are nice and treat me with respect. Maybe you are trying to front the wrong girls or in the wrong environments? Some girls just want to have fun and party and aren't looking for a relationship.

Wow, you get around for only being a freshman... Although lots of them do turn into huge whores..

[VincenzoG91]

People say college changes people, and it does. But the stupid love games continue. Ive been rejected because i try to become friends with a girl, because im a year younger than a girl, and all sorts of other stuff. I thought those things change after high school, but i guess not huh?

You're doing it wrong. If you start as a friend, you usually get trapped in the Friend Zone, with all the other nice guys. If you are interested in a woman, don't try some sneaky friends scam, just make your intentions clear. Flirt with her, show interest, and then ask her out on a date.

And yes, most women eventually loose interest in the exciting bad-boy types, because they treat women badly. When a woman has finally grown up, she is more likely to want a guy who is decent and stable. But even then, you are going to get stuck in the Friend Zone if you try to weasel into her affections as a friend.

[everton11]

You're doing it wrong. If you start as a friend, you usually get trapped in the Friend Zone, with all the other nice guys. If you are interested in a woman, don't try some sneaky friends scam, just make your intentions clear. Flirt with her, show interest, and then ask her out on a date.

And yes, most women eventually loose interest in the exciting bad-boy types, because they treat women badly. When a woman has finally grown up, she is more likely to want a guy who is decent and stable. But even then, you are going to get stuck in the Friend Zone if you try to weasel into her affections as a friend.

But didn't someone tell me that to start a great relationship, you have to be great friends first? I'm questioning about the whole "friend-zone" thing now.

[girl68]

I disagree. Once your a "friend' it isn't easy to make the transition to partner.

[Gigabitch]

That whole "friends first" thing flies out the window when a girl actually likes you. I've only tried to date a friend once and it was a disaster.

[VincenzoG91]

But didn't someone tell me that to start a great relationship, you have to be great friends first? I'm questioning about the whole "friend-zone" thing now.

Yeah, I've heard people say that, too. In my own personal experience, once a woman thinks of me as a friend, it means that she is never going to think of me as a potential lover.

Here's how that strategy always played out for me:

1. Became attracted to a woman
2. Became friends with her
3. Never got anywhere serious with her
4. Got to hear her talk about the guys that she was dating
5. Finally got up the nerve to ask her out
6. Got gently rejected
7. Came to resent her for never seeing me as boyfriend material
8. Stopped being friends

That is the Friend Zone. That is Hell.

There is nothing wrong with being a nice guy, and any woman worth having will prefer nice guys to jerks. But being deceptive about your intentions isn't nice, it's dishonest. And you can't base a good relationship on dishonesty.

I've only had three serious, long-term relationships, and I've been in my current one for over six years. None of those relationships started out in the Friend Zone. And for what it's worth, all three started as blind dates, though that isn't the only way that I've met women.

[sheenietee]

Wow, you get around for only being a freshman... Although lots of them do turn into huge whores..

Excuse me? That's pretty bold of you to judge me so cruelly based on a very ambiguous statement that I made. I have only had sex once with one person and only one boyfriend here at college. I do go to parties and have experienced how those guys will act towards me, doesn't mean I reciprocate those actions. I have had a crush on my one guy friend here but it never was more than a crush on my part. I used the plural form because I was talking about my entire life, not just college and also to address the situation in a general fashion. Yes, I'm such a whore.

[Gigabitch]

I think he misconstrued "been with" as "slept with".

[VincenzoG91]

Yeah, can we all please drop the careless use of the word "whore"? The whole madonna/whore complex is so old and tired and frankly hypocritical. Why don't we save the use of the word "whore" for women who literally charge money for sexual services?

[Gigabitch]

Some people find other people's sexual behavior very, very threatening. It's kind of like the whole gay marriage thing.

[OneQuestion]

Yeah, can we all please drop the careless use of the word "whore"? The whole madonna/whore complex is so old and tired and frankly hypocritical. Why don't we save the use of the word "whore" for women who literally charge money for sexual services?

it's a word, but if you prefer, I will keep myself from using that word and use the more proper slut.

[VincenzoG91]

it's a word, but if you prefer, I will keep myself from using that word and use the more proper slut.

If you only use the term for women, then I hope you don't mind my use of the term "misogynistic hypocrite."