why play the games?

[kjb]

Why is it that in order to 'win the ex back' we are supposed to act like we dont care?

I care but Im not supposed to tell him so, or call, or text, or see him. So this way, he will think Im strong and have no desires for him which us supposed to make him desire me again??

Why the games? And why......dare I ask if one tells the other they miss them and still love them thats seen as a weakness and desperate?

Life is too short for all these games I think.

[doppelgaenger]

There really is no need for games. Why don't you step up, be a woman, and cut to the chase: actually communicate the issues.

[kjb]

just saying thats what alot of people say..Its the no contact rule we are supposed to abide by after breaking up. seems like alot of bs games to me.

[hermes3]

It may seem like a game kjb...but relationships are a transfering of energy. Usually when a partner walks away, it's because they are energetically filled. It's like thirst. Subtract yourself from him and he'll get thirsty again and come back to the source which is you. Or another. But hopefully that's not the case here.

[Doc Durian]

Why is it that in order to 'win the ex back' we are supposed to act like we dont care?

I care but Im not supposed to tell him so, or call, or text, or see him. So this way, he will think Im strong and have no desires for him which us supposed to make him desire me again??

Why the games? And why......dare I ask if one tells the other they miss them and still love them thats seen as a weakness and desperate?

Life is too short for all these games I think.

It's a silent unspoken power struggle. Who needs who more.

I don't play those games anymore though. I leave someone, that's it. Goodbye. When someone breaks up with me, the same. By making it black and white, I know where I stand and where they stand.

No confusion and no guilt.

[hermes3]

I agree...why get into an on again/off again relationship. Been there; done that. Best to invest the heart in a steady long term.

[lesa]

Kjb, the process actually helps improve you, make you a better quality mate, and to help you get over him. It's not really to get him back, that's just the effect if the cause of the breakup was due to clingy, possessive, etc. behavior and you give him time to stop thinking of you as clingy, possessive, etc and see your better qualities. Keep pushing him away with that same type of behavior and he won't regret his decision.

[soulsurvivor23]

It's a silent unspoken power struggle. Who needs who more.

I don't play those games anymore though. I leave someone, that's it. Goodbye. When someone breaks up with me, the same. By making it black and white, I know where I stand and where they stand.

No confusion and no guilt.

Exactly. And I hate it. A girl is most attracted to a guy who acts like he doesn't care. Then over time when he starts to show that he does care, and when she knows she's got him like that, she withdraws and acts like she doesn't care. Then the guy tries harder, and then when she doesn't respond he withdraws. And it just goes full circle. I'm tired of all the games and I would love to find someone who doesn't buy into all of that and is honest and upfront with their feelings.

[lesa]

Exactly. And I hate it. A girl is most attracted to a guy who acts like he doesn't care. Then over time when he starts to show that he does care, and when she knows she's got him like that, she withdraws and acts like she doesn't care. Then the guy tries harder, and then when she doesn't respond he withdraws. And it just goes full circle. I'm tired of all the games and I would love to find someone who doesn't buy into all of that and is honest and upfront with their feelings.

In other words, you need someone to have a stronger attraction to you when you seek to start a relationship and you will guarantee yourself that you will have a strong attraction to them as well or eventually?

A girl (or man) is most attracted to a guy who acts like he is independent of the need of another person to make him happy. He shouldn't overwhelm her. Relationships and attraction are 50-50. If he gives 90% and she gives him 10%, he is going to scare her away. That's just how attraction works sometimes.

The man or woman may feel too strongly and eff up because they show a lack of emotional control. Sometimes people want others to feel that exact same attraction level as they have for that person. Sorry but attraction cannot be faked. It would behoove the person to understand this phenomenon.

[soulsurvivor23]

In other words, you need someone to have a stronger attraction to you when you seek to start a relationship and you will guarantee yourself that you will have a strong attraction to them as well or eventually?

A girl (or man) is most attracted to a guy who acts like he is independent of the need of another person to make him happy. He shouldn't overwhelm her. Relationships and attraction are 50-50. If he gives 90% and she gives him 10%, he is going to scare her away. That's just how attraction works sometimes.

The man or woman may feel too strongly and eff up because they show a lack of emotional control. Sometimes people want others to feel that exact same attraction level as they have for that person. Sorry but attraction cannot be faked. It would behoove the person to understand this phenomenon.

See but here's the thing, it's not possible for each person to feel the exact same level of attraction for one another at the exact same time. And it's possible for 2 independent people to show attraction to one another in the exact same way.

Two people might both love each other a lot. For one person (person A) they might show love by doing things for you, being there for you, etc.. For another (person B), they might show that love by telling you that they love verbally on a consistent basis, calling you to say they love you or whatever... So in this scenario, person A loves person B but person A thinks that person B is too serious because of how often they express their love verbally and person B thinks person A is not serious enough because they interpret not saying it often as not feeling it.

So... take that for what it is.

[hermes3]

Not to intrude on your conversation...but you're both making very interesting points. Infact you're both right. But the one point that is in my opinion the secret to a balanced relationship is that two independent people are capable of showing mutual attraction to each other. I mean it's alright to lean on each other sometimes...but if it's out of balance then one is forces to work harder than the other.

[soulsurvivor23]

But what i'm trying to understand is, are you saying it's necessary? Like basically in a relationship sometimes the attraction level dips so the other person needs to work harder to keep it balanced?

[hermes3]

I would say that that is pretty much it. A good analogy i use all the time is that if two people are in row boat...and each had an ore. They both have to work to get to their destination. If one rowed more than the other they would always go in circles and get nowhere.

[amz]

The only thing is not everyone wants or needs to have a 50/50 relationship. Some people like being dominant/submissive. this is in there genes and they are happy and this is normal if u find the other person that is ok with this. this is not abnormal and phychology proves there are as many types of personalities as there are people. the hard part is finding one that fits.

[soulsurvivor23]

I would say that that is pretty much it. A good analogy i use all the time is that if two people are in row boat...and each had an ore. They both have to work to get to their destination. If one rowed more than the other they would always go in circles and get nowhere.

I like the row boat analogy, it's a good one. However, I just don't like for it to be "games" you know what I mean? I think that there are times when one person needs to row harder for the other person and vice versa, but i don't think that a person should, lets say for the sake of analogy, stop rowing purposely just to make sure that the other person is still determined to make it to the destination with them and is willing to put in a lot of work to do that. It just doesn't make sense to me.