Having mood swings like CRAZY over 2 months after the break up

[love&otherdrugs]

Hey everyone. So, it's been about 56 days without contacting my ex. I DID respond very briefly to an email he sent me, just asking him to no longer send me emails. Counting that email, it's been 26 days of complete no contact.

Today I missed talking to him, a LOT. I didn't miss the relationship, but I missed his sound advice and his sense of humor. I missed talking about random bands and silly people in Dallas. The past few days I've noticed myself being reminded about random conversations we've had in the past, and little jokes we shared.

I had a short fling that lasted from NYE to Jan 8th. It only ended because I flew back to TX and the fling guy stayed in CA. We remained friends and have been Skyping frequently, sometimes for 5+ hours of the day (on a rainy weekend with nothing to do).

Well, a few days ago the fling admitted that he met another girl the day after I flew back to TX. He admitted that he's been sleeping with her every other day since then, and finally wanted to come clean about it (he lied when I asked him casually about it before). He felt obligated to come clean because I fly into San Diego on Feb 13th, and he's picking me up since my parents are 1.5 hrs away. We originally had plans to spend the 13th and Valentine's Day together, and he would then drive me up to my family on the 15th. Mr. Fling informed me that he likes where it is going with his new "friends with benefits," and would rather take her out for Valentine's Day at this point, but he could "let me see how it goes when we get closer." AKA, he would keep me as plan B.

I know I shouldn't have cared, but I became enraged. I yelled at him, called him a d**k, hung up on him, cried by myself, called him back and yelled some more for his lying and sneaking around when he could've been honest.

I KNOW that his dishonesty isn't what is really eating me. We had a stupid fling, it's not like I really cared for the guy. But, I don't know if it's my nostalgia for my ex, the painful sting of being rejected by the fling for the other girl on a romantic holiday, or a combination that has sent me into a whirlwind of emotions. I get happy, then mad, then sad, and back again. I can't even speak to the fling without having a crazy array of emotions and having my thoughts going in 5 separate directions.

Has anyone experienced such crazy emotions so many days after a breakup? You'd think that I would be a little more sound and calm at this point, right?

[basilandthyme]

I'd say you weren't ready for the fling. By the way, have you apologised for your unjustified behaviour towards him?

[love&otherdrugs]

I'd say you weren't ready for the fling. By the way, have you apologised for your unjustified behaviour towards him?

I don't think I was ready for the fling, either. The only good that came out of it was realizing the physical intimacy that was lacking in my past relationship, and how maybe my ex and I weren't right for each other (it helped me break away from the "he was so perfect" mentality).

I did apologize profusely for my unreasonable behavior. I should have mentioned that! Even just minutes after becoming unreasonable like that, I felt terrible for my actions, and I wrote him to tell him how sorry I was and ask his forgiveness and understanding for my situation.

[kskts6115]

I can totally identify with those crazy emotions it really is a roller coaster ride. One minute you feel like your going to be fine and the next your so mad at the guy and then your sad haha it really is draining! But I agree I don't think you were ready yet... And I think the rejection from that guy brought back a lot of what you felt for the first break up. It was like you were being rejected all over again. And I totally understand how you feel. I've recently began to read a book and it says to make relationship goals for yourself that can't be broken. Like without these things everything else is a deal breaker. For example so far I've chosen to love and be loved in return, to feel special to that person, and to be included in each others lives. I think that making an outline of things you need to be happy will help you find someone to fulfill them. And I've heard this break up process takes a while so chin up and keep moving forward.

Oh and about the reminiscing. It's hard not to I mean this person was important in your life at one point and its hard they are no longer there so naturally you will miss what you had. I even do that about friends I used to have like I used to miss the good times we had together but then you just have to think everything happens for a reason. It hurts a lot now but one day you'll probably understand and accept. I'm definitely far from that too it's just what I'm starting to realize.

[love&otherdrugs]

Thank you for your response. The goal thing sounds interesting, I'll have to try that out. Right now, my biggest dilemma with reminiscing is the incessant wonder if/when I can contact him. I know I'm coming toward the end of my 60-day thing, but I'm so apprehensive, because in doing so, I have to be ready to accept that we would move on as friends and nothing more.

I know he won't contact me first, because I flat out told him in an email not to contact me unless it was for reconciliation purposes... to which he never responded (I was actually happy for no response, because it showed me that he's respecting my boundaries and my wishes to move on).

This breakup process is so complicated and confusing. Like you said, just when you think you're going to be fine, something else happens and you're in a disarray of emotions.

[basilandthyme]

The biggest dilemma is actually easy to solve: you don't contact him. The two of you can't be friends. This whole 'being friends' after a breakup is rubbish - it's just a way to rip the sticking plaster off slowly. Besides, how many future boyfriends will want an ex hanging in the wings?

Now, take some time to be sad over not being friends ever again. But know that you'll heal better without him as a constant reminder.

[ashley89]

yeah the same kind of thing happened to me, after my ex broke up with me I had what I thought would be a rebound fling with a guy about a week after my breakup. at first it didn't seem like a big deal and I thought it was gonna be a one night stand so I wasn't too concerned, but we ended up hooking up for the next few months. a few months down the line the guy suddenly started dating someone else and I was floored... I didn't realize that I cared more about him than I thought. it was a combination of everything too, still being emotionally messed up from my ex and then being hurt and rejected by this new guy. I understand what you're going through, maybe it was too soon but I did the same thing, the only thing you can really do now is just take a break from guys for awhile until you're ready and in that time just focus on yourself and healing

[brian4534]

I feel for you a real man would never do that you deserve better. I'm going through a lot of emotions my self and i'm still in this relationship hard to let go of somebody you love. Hang in there and take some time to your self.