Thinking about her ALL the time! STOP IT!

[Canada]

Hello everyone,

My girl and I have been dating for about 5 months now. We see eachother like 2-3 times during the weekday and sometimes on Saturday. I've always been more of an independant person. I always believed in having my own life outside of the person I'm dating. I've had many arguments with ex-girlfriends about how laid back I am and about how I need personal me time. I have a lot of friends. I hang out with my friends all the time. I'm usually out on Friday and Saturday nights at clubs and bars with my friends. I am very social.

Well this girl has come into my life and turned it upside down. I don't want to spend ALL my time with her, but I want to spend the majority of the days with her. When I'm not with her I think about her ALL the time, haha. She is always out as well with her friends at clubs as well. She is very attractive and popular. She values her friendships as well. She basically determines how much we see eachother and I don't want to be overbearing or smothering. Even though I'm always going out on the weekends, if she were to ask me to stay in with her one night and just hang out, I would do it.

I feel like I have taken on the role of my ex-girlfriends and she has taken on the role of the old me! And unfortunately I know how it ends...with me breaking up with the ex-girlfriend because I lost interest. Maybe I was never really that interested. I fear this is is no different, except for the fact that I am now gonna be the one to be let go.

I have everything else in my life under control. I have a good job, a nice car, enough money, a nice home, and A LOT of friends. How do I control this feeling? How do I not let the pressure of feelings ruin the relationship? What do I do to get my mind off of her? Its wearing me down.

Thanks!

[cmacattack1]

I think it's funny because I don't think it's even possible for me to want to change my life around for somebody and think about somebody all the time. But it happens, and I think it's a good indication of how head over heels you are for her. And you are right, if you both want different things, the relationship is going to go in separate directions.

You have to keep doing what you are doing and maintaining your own life and what you are used to. I don't think it's a bad thing to be so enthralled with your partner but if she doesn't feel the same way yet, she could be spooked. Maybe try and gradually make it more about just the two of you. Suggest more intimate times together and give her the signs that you want something more serious and more meaningful then the current situation. Gradually. How she reacts can be a good indicator of how she feels about you.

[lahnnabell]

I am very much the same as your girlfriend. I love to go out dancing, drinking, and being with my friends. I have a lot of energy that I pour into my jobs and a lot of my own self-worth comes from what a hard worker I am. She may be the same way. I love my down time, but I am much more content to be surrounded by activity and moving around. My boyfriend is a very relaxed individual and loves to chill at home more often than not.

It's difficult to find balance when you feel so strongly for someone. When I was unemployed last year and staying with my boyfriend, there were days I could not get out of bed because I didn't want to be away from him. Then there were some days I felt stir-crazy and had to go out with my friends. Working helps give me a balance and allows me to burn off the endless energy I have, so that I'm more content to laze around with him on my time off If you can find that balance for yourself and your relationship, then great. But it's important to know and learn to recognize when things start to go stale. I've been in a few relationships and seen plenty that should've ended before they actually did because feelings grew cold and resentment set in.

Communication is key in this area. If you find that she isn't wanting to work towards a future with you, then you guys may be at two different stages in this relationship. It couldn't hurt to have a light, no-pressure conversation about it. No ultimatums, or blaming, just an honest heart to heart. If she isn't receptive to how you feel (don't gush like crazy), then maybe you're looking for different things right now.

[Canada]

When we hang out its pretty intimate. I want to be around her more but if shes not ready then shes not ready for that.

The issue I'm having is how do I stop thinking about her so much. I want to have a clear mind when I'm not with her. Help me get my old self back!

[Oberon]

I was in the same situation as you 1 year ago. I suggest you do some weights or any kind of gymnastics. Trust me I tried it and it helped me a lot to clear my mind.

[Canada]

I already do workout!

[Oberon]

Well thats what I suggested you. I can't think anything else. By the way why you don't try to ruin your ego and talk to her honestly? It will be 15 minutes in hell for you but maybe you will see positive results