Am i too nice a guy???

[shawnlowe1221]

Hello I'm new to this site so ima mke it quick. Every relationship I enter fails. I'm told I'm too clingy I love too hard I'm too nice. Now idk about u all but if I had sum1 that cared as much about me as I do them I wouldn't be upset. I've walked the path of a hopeless romantic only to be consistent in heart break. Does love really exist? Is it just me or are there nomore genuine women out there. I thought maybe it was jus the females in my age group but I've tried dealing wit older women and they play the same games. In all honesty I feel like there is no hope.

[HeartIsAching]

What do you do that they say you're "too nice"?

Need more info.

[MrKnobby]

Shawn,

In my opinion you should not change who you are for anyone, or even question that being nice is wrong. Being a strong loving person is a good quality, not a bad one.

I think that what you need to do, before entering into a relationship is make a better judgement of these women. If they are the kind of person who does not like constant attention, then they are just not the one for you. It would also be helpful to tell them that you are a very strong and loving person on the first or second date so they cannot make the excuse to ditch you several months later. It saves on this heartache you are feeling now if you just let them go after a few dates and be honest and tell them why.

I noticed that you have used the word "games" in your post. There are many games that some women play and the trick is, like I said above to me able to identify these women who play them and avoid them. Playing a game such as "poor me" with a women isn't dating, isn't a relationship that's just taking advantage of your good guy nature. Just an example. probably why these older women aren't married is because they are game players?

You might end up discarding lots of women to the trash can........but at the end it will be worth it, to avoid pain and making a mistake like getting married to someone who is not suited to you.

Good luck....from another nice guy.

[pcmaster]

Do you recon yourself here?

youtube.com/watch?v=TN3_urefvk4

[MrKnobby]

Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it.

Bruce Lee

[shaz87]

don't change who you are, always be yourself

[THX]

Shawn youre looking at this all wrong. If you can understand what I'm about to tell you it will change your life with women. These women only seem like they are playing games because their behavior doesn't make sense to YOU.

You wrote:"Now idk about u all but if I had sum1 that cared as much about me as I do them I wouldn't be upset."

Oh really? So all you need for a relationship is someone who cared as much about you as you did them. You can find that in the next 24 hours. Find the next bingo game in your community start talking to single women between 65 to 100 years old. If they can get past the social pressure of robbing the cradle holy shit have they got a prize on thier hands. That woman would treat you like a king. You are the only young stud she will have a chance with at this point in her life. There you go. Someone who cares about you as much as you do them. Or actually you probably wouldn't care about her. Because she has nothing to offer you on a sexual level. She might say you are playing games , or you can't handle a nice woman who is willing to treat you right.

My example is rediculous because of one fact we all know. People want someone who is at the very least their equal if not better. I would not expect you to date a 65+ year old woman and I would not expect the women you have come into contact to date you, because you have unknowingly communicated that they can do better.

When you are too enthusiastic about a woman it reveals something about you. It reveals that you believe you are getting a better deal than she is.

I know this sounds crazy but I believe you have to get in a fight with a woman once in a while for her to trust your intentions. She wants to know she is meeting STANDARDS and if she feels you never have them regaurding her then she assumes you can't set boundaries.

So the question becomes can you bae a nice guy and still have boundaries? Yep. It would look a little something like this.

1. You treat girl like a queen, or you make her prove she is deserving of such treatment.

2. She responds with disintrest towards you treating her good.

3. She fails your standards for the type of woman you are looking for and you are no longer intrested. You do not pine over why she doesn't like you, or see it as a deficiency in yourself. SHE has weeded herself out of YOUR standards. Not the other way around.

4. If she cares to notice that you are no longer calling and contacts you and demands to know what happened you say, " Look I know there are games I could play to get you intersted but frankly it's a waste of time for me. I have alot to offer. I'm a nice guy. Some girls don't like that. And to that I shrug my shoulders and say "Who gives a ****?" This is how I want to live my life and nobody is going to stop me."

I haven't done a very good job of explaining myself, but I hope you get part of what I am trying to get across. Good luck bro

[dem862]

I think the conventional wisdom is that self-proclaimed nice guys are not really nice, but they are usually selfish, egotistical, insecure and jealous. In addition to that, I think some women would say they lack sex appeal.

[Stinger]

I agree with THX and Mrknobby.

[smackie9]

I'll give you a female's opinion here....clingy and too much love in your face is a turn off. Women like a little challenge, so if you make yourself less available you make yourself more desirable. It's not a women thing, it's human nature to feel that way. We desire more what we can't have. As they say distance makes the heart grow fonder. There are levels of progression to a relationship, so you have to let it grow at a steady pace but not too fast. You need to let things build up, be mysterious so they can discover things bit by bit, increase the excitement, as each level is reached. If you jump right in to be at the top level too quickly, they will get smothered and push away. So timing is everything.

[basilandthyme]

Your lack of logic is astounding.

All girls - even from different age groups- are telling you the exact same thing. Yet instead of questioning your own approach, you call the women 'game players'. Do you really think that all women would play the same game against you?

When it comes to identifying the problem, I suggest that you consider if you're the constant.

[rest77]

@Smackie9

I agree with you. Love your answer.

[moneyspills]

There is so much hope for you. The good thing here is that you already know you mistake, "overly nice." The truth is that girls love the "bad boys." You should care but not overly caring.

Check out this youtube video:

[basilandthyme]

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