see him after a year?

[lovesjoyajm]

About a year ago, I had a sort-of date with a guy that I liked. We had known each other vaguely for a few months, and had gotten closer over the previous month or so. At the time, we were good friends, although I had realized a few weeks before that I really liked him. We watched a movie at his apartment, cuddling the whole time - it was wonderful. He walked me back to my room and we kissed. Nothing major, but it meant a lot to me, since the only other guy I ever kissed, I didn't even like that much.
Next day he told me that he didn't think he should be in a relationship, and he was sorry for leading me on, but he wasn't really in a good place to be with someone. I was really disappointed, but figured he'd come around eventually - it really seemed like he liked me. I went home the next day. He graduated at the end of that semester, so he wasn't back in the spring. We talked a lot over break, it was totally cool and not awkward. However, after break, he completely disappeared. Never called, and didn't email for 2 months. I stopped calling him in February or so, and since then we have emailed semi-regularly. I went from being devastated and infatuated with him, to being OK but still wanting to talk to him, to being totally "over him". (ie, getting emails from him no longer excites me, and when he finally called after a year, I realized that I didn't really need to talk to him anymore.)
Anyway, I haven't seen him since the day after the "incident" last December, so it's been over a year. I was hanging out with his old roommate yesterday, whom I got to be friends with in the spring, and he said that he invited the roommate to come spend a weekend. Do you think seeing him again would be a bad idea? ... perhaps re-awaken the long-dead romantic interest? I don't know. any advice?

[toohot4pants]

if you're really over him, then it shouldn't be a problem at all. i mean, you guys still semi-regularly email each other...seeing him shouldn't be a problem.

[vashti]

I don't know what good it would do you one way or the other. If he lives out of town, you are not likely going to be able to have a relationship, anyway. Combined with his reaction the last time around, I think it would be a waste of your time.

But if you are truly over him, it shouldn't be a big deal. (However, the fact that you are asking about it leads me to believe you aren't as over him as you think.)

[lauren_gal25]

I went from being devastated and infatuated with him, to being OK but still wanting to talk to him, to being totally "over him". (ie, getting emails from him no longer excites me, and when he finally called after a year, I realized that I didn't really need to talk to him anymore.)

Do you think seeing him again would be a bad idea? ... perhaps re-awaken the long-dead romantic interest? I don't know. any advice?

Ya know, girl, that's a tough one I wouldn't- here's why. Being in a similar situation myself- trying to get over an emotional attachment to a guy- I know it will be a great day when, like you, I finally break it. And it would really suck if something happened to send me into a downward spiral again. So for you, I wouldn't chance it. Think about the long-term. Would you ever marry this guy? If so, he has to be in love with you too- can't make anyone love ya. And the only way that will happen is if he decides to pursue you sometime by emailing you or calling you. Great if he does, but if not, by not seeing him this weekend, you will be protecting yourself from potential further heartache if you were to fall for him again by seeing him. I know, it could be fun, it could be harmless, but you don't KNOW that and better to be safe than sorry. Hope that helps!

[lovesjoyajm]

(However, the fact that you are asking about it leads me to believe you aren't as over him as you think.)

Bingo
The thing is, I'm not sure how over him I am. I don't know him anymore - the things we had in common that were the basis for our initial friendship are gone. I liked him when I knew him b/c of his personality, and I think that's what led me to be attracted to him, so there's no saying whether I'd still be attracted to him. My guess is no.
My instinct is that it would be awkward, but not bad - maybe even a sort of closure, if I could see him and NOT have feelings for him. Problem is, if there's some remnant of feelings hidden away, I don't want to get hurt again.

[lauren_gal25]

Bingo

My instinct is that it would be awkward, but not bad - maybe even a sort of closure, if I could see him and NOT have feelings for him. Problem is, if there's some remnant of feelings hidden away, I don't want to get hurt again.

I think you've already had your closure- you said that you don't feel the need to talk to him again when he called last. That's great- don't take the chance of opening up old wounds/attraction Just my 2 cents

[lovesjoyajm]

Update: It's been awhile, and this certainly hasn't been foremost in my boy drama, but I saw this guy tonight for a few hours - we went out for coffee. It's the first time we've been alone together in over 2 years, and it went splendidly. We had an amazing conversation and I certainly can see why I liked him, but the attraction is gone thanks to 2 years and a number of new obsessions I think I've found a really good friend, which from what I hear is hard to do with old flames, so I'm really happy with how this turned out.