Life Altering Question...

[BillyGalbreath]

As some of you already know, my ex wife left me about 2 months ago. Also my girlfriend before her had her baby last week and it has turned up being mine.

What you dont know is that inside myself i have to make a BIG choice that IS going to change my life forever. This choice I have to make real soon because my window of opportunity is extremely small...

Here's the deal: I am over my ex wife completly - I have been doing alot of thinking and hoping and preying and wishing - God has answered my preyers - He has cleared my mind on the subject I was very confused about - Once he cleared my mind I realized that I am over Destine (ex wife). I have been over her for a long time actually - even before she ever left me i was over her - her love faded for me and thus my love for her faded and I was blinded by the fear of loosing her.

anyways - flash back: I left my 2 year relationship with Robin (girlfriend before destine) because I was scared of commitement - I ended up getting with Destine at that time because she was horny and she was into the same drugs as me - back to the point - I never fell out of love with Robin - And it took me nearly 2 years and a marriage to realize that I still love Robin. It was the commitement thing that scared me. After being with Destine and loosing her I realized that all I ever wanted was a wife - to commit my life to - to have a family with - to spend the rest of my days with...

Robin waited for 1 year for me to change my mind and to go back to her - I never did - She moved on - she has a boyfriend - I would say it is a strong relationship but they have only spent about 4 months together - weird yeah - they met over the net and talked for about 3 or 4 months before he moved down here to be with her - 4 months later he gets arrested (this was xmas eve last year) - he got transfered to jail in cali on new years day. Robin hasnt seen him since - they write letters back and forth and have phone calls about once a month. He is expected to get out on parole this summer but has to stay in cali for up to 4 years after that. Robin is planning on moving to cali this summer and taking my 2 girls with her (1 girl i had when we were together, the other was just born last week) - I dont want her to go - We have stayed best friends through these past 2 years despite what I have done - I know she still has at least some feelings for me - but she thinks all I want to be is friends - she thinks this because when destine left me I told Robin that I cant get back with her because we make 'too good' of friends and that I dont want to ruin that.

Now that I have had my time to think about EVERYTHING I realize that Robin and I would make a PERFECT marriage. You cant have a great relationship without having a great friendship first...

I don't know what to do now - One side of me is screaming and kicking telling me that I should tell her how I truely feel - and the other part of me is saying to stay quiet, that it wont work, that it will just confuse her and ruin our friendship.

Any advice or any kind of input would be greatly appreciated here

[jane]

well.. this is a hard decsion for sure.. and I must tell you that its a little on the soap opeara side too.. ..j/k

Well.. what you dont really talk about to much are the kids.

From what I can read.. it sounds like you want a wife? well.. you would have alot more then just a wife.. you would have two little girls that need your advice and guidance.

Your X -wife? what about the kids with her?

Obviously, Robin moving to Cali is her choice and they kids are hers too.. there is NO WAY you can keep her from leaving unless you have been paying child support for the older daughter. You can take her to court and make her stay ? but is that fair? You left her.. now that you want her.. you want her to stay?

I know that you may feel that you love her and Robin is the person you want to be with but its imprortant that you back up and really see the big picture. YOUR KIDS.. they are what you should be concerned with.. not what your dick wants ya know?

Life altering decisions come with consiquneces.. before you make that choice .. no what is coming..

Sorry if I seemed harsh.. I dont mean ot be .. just observant.

[BillyGalbreath]

Thats just it tho - this is not something that i am doing by 'thinking with my dick' - sex has NEVER crossed my mind about any of this - And i am thinking about the kids too when thinking about this but they are all too young to understand what is going on yet - the oldest is only 2.5 years old - and all she knows is that daddy is not there - if Robin was to take me back then she will just notice that I am there - it wont really effect her too much - in the long run it will effect all the kids - i dont see any bad effect at all if we were to get back together - my two daughters will have their real parents there together and my son will have a step mom that is way better than his real mom - The thing that i am so worried about is Robin - she waited a whole yaer for me and then moved on - so if i go to her now i dont know how it will effect her - she is passive agressive so i wouldnt know how it would effect her when i tell her - the last thing i want to do is complicate her life at all - i just want her to be happy - and i want my kids to be happy - and then i want me to be happy too - I look back on what me and Robin had and it really was a PERFECT relationship - we never faught - we were faithful to each other - we were doing great - i wish so bad that i never left her in the first place - but everything happens for a reason - and the reason i left robin was to have my son - i didnt know it at the time - but thats what God had planned for me - I prey he has me and Robin together again in his plan - but I will never know if I dont ask her - but if i ask her and it is NOT part of His plan then i might just confuse the **** out of her and brin gup old emotions and just make her a nervous wreck again --- i am truely at a point where I need some sound advice of what I should do. Please - just sit back and think about it. If you need more information just ask what you want to know and i will answer anything - anything at all - i am sure i have left some certain parts out that will help you understand my situation better - so if there are any shady parts in my story tell me and i will clarify as much as I can to help ya'll help me

Thank you all very much in advance for your help

[sfalexi]

Obviously, Robin moving to Cali is her choice and they kids are hers too.. there is NO WAY you can keep her from leaving unless you have been paying child support for the older daughter. You can take her to court and make her stay ? but is that fair? You left her.. now that you want her.. you want her to stay?

**** BEING FAIR! Do you really want your daughters to be moving around and have a stepfather who was just in jail and now is out on parole? Who can even IMAGINE how he'll treat them being (A) a felon (who obviously did something somewhat serious otherwise why would they have to relocate him to a prison in ANOTHER STATE!) and (B) knowing he has MUCH MORE potential of harming your daughters since they're not HIS bloodline.

Prioritize here man. Save the kids, THEN try to salvage the relationship.

Alexi

[Pretender]

Tell her you want to be with her and do it now! before she is too set on leaving. Do you really want to lose her because you are afraid how she might react. You have to let her know how you feel or you will ALWAYS regret not doing it. You honestly have nothing to lose because if she doesn't want to be with you then she will move to Cali as planned and nothing will change.

I'm sure she will hear you out think it over and do what is best for both of you but she doesn't even have the option of it right now because you haven't told her you want to be with her.

Quit worrying about the what if's and just tell her how you feel because I would NEVER want that regret hanging over my head.

[Rach]

Tell her how you feel, and alos tell her you don't want her to take your kids away from you! If you REALLY love her, why did you leave her?! That part doesn't make a lot of sense. So, you cheated on your ex-wife and now you just had another baby witht eh ex-girlfriend? Is that how that all went down? But, at any rate, you definately have to tell her you don't want your kids to be in Cali where you will like hardly ever get to see them. I also agree that you should work on saving your kids first though.

Maybe she just feels the need to go to Cali and be with this guy as sort of a way to get back at you for marrying your ex-wife?

[jane]

Originally posted by sfalexi
**** BEING FAIR! Do you really want your daughters to be moving around and have a stepfather who was just in jail and now is out on parole? Who can even IMAGINE how he'll treat them being (A) a felon (who obviously did something somewhat serious otherwise why would they have to relocate him to a prison in ANOTHER STATE!) and (B) knowing he has MUCH MORE potential of harming your daughters since they're not HIS bloodline.

Prioritize here man. Save the kids, THEN try to salvage the relationship.

Alexi

Alexi is right here and I am sorry that things are the way they are... YOU LEFT HER.. remember? It doesnt matter how old the kids are.. you are talking about the REST OF THIER LIFE!

YOU made the mistake when you left her.. unfortuatly .. YOU have to deal with that and what follows. If you really loved her.. leaving her to begin with would have never happened.

Also.. you are looking at the relationship from the past perception.. IT WONT BE LIKE THAT AGAIN. Past is past .. no matter what you do ... you wont be able to recreate it.

Im sorry. I know how you feel...

You can tell her but you said it your self... its going to confuse her. Is that worth it?

[BillyGalbreath]

Thank you all very much for your advice - I have made up my mind now - I am not going to wonder what ifs anymore - I am going to talk to her today during my lunch hour - what happens from there is up to God and Robin. But I am NOT going to sit here the rest of my life and wonder what if I had told her how I feel - This way I will at least know - Prey for me and my kids, please...

[IceQueen]

IMHO, the classic case of "fantasizing of the one far away." It's not real Robin you're thinking would make a perfect wife for you -- you are out of touch with *real* Robin. You made up what you couldn't remember of her, in the most favorable wishful-thinking way. I am pretty sure as you start communicating with her closer, you'll be disappointed, and old issues will resurface.

[jane]

Ice .. you are exactly right.. that is exactly what I was trying to say.. you were just better at it~

[BillyGalbreath]

Originally posted by IceQueen
IMHO, the classic case of "fantasizing of the one far away." It's not real Robin you're thinking would make a perfect wife for you -- you are out of touch with *real* Robin. You made up what you couldn't remember of her, in the most favorable wishful-thinking way. I am pretty sure as you start communicating with her closer, you'll be disappointed, and old issues will resurface.

You could have never been so wrong... Robin is my best friend - she has been my best friend for 4 years now. We have never lost contact for more than a week at a time. Hell, she is the lead singer in my band. I know the *real* her and she knows the *real* me.

Anyways - as an update - i could not get ahold of her during lunch - she is probably at her sisters house so I am just going to drop by after work to talk to her - this is probably something better done in person anyways... I am sure everyone wont mind holding off the music for one night while Robin and I talk about this.

[IceQueen]

jane,
I didn't agree though on what you said about thinking of kids not be with whom HE wants to be. No, he should be with whomever he will be happy.

[IceQueen]

Billy,
Judging by the decisions you have made so far in your life, you shouldn't be *allowed* to make any more decisions, life altering or not. If you could appoint someone with good judgement (ah, screw it, just anyone will do) in charge of your life, you'd be better off.

[sfalexi]

Originally posted by IceQueen
Billy,
Judging by the decisions you have made so far in your life, you shouldn't be *allowed* to make any more decisions, life altering or not. If you could appoint someone with good judgement (ah, screw it, just anyone will do) in charge of your life, you'd be better off.

I have to admit, as wrong as it sounds, Icequeen has a point on this one. You haven't made the greatest decisions so far (from what I can tell), however, maybe Icequeen didn't realize this, but you're asking about things here and getting advice from here. So you're actively asking for thirdparty involvement which is a good start. I would definitely find a good friend, who is doing well with their life (at least someone that you think is doing as good as YOU'D like to be doing), and having them as an unofficial 'advisee' for stuff.

But you heard my view on this particular issue. I just wanted to point out that Icequeen, although harsh as usual in the way she says it, has a very good point.

Alexi

[jane]

Originally posted by IceQueen
jane,
I didn't agree though on what you said about thinking of kids not be with whom HE wants to be. No, he should be with whomever he will be happy.

I know and I didnt really put that the way I wanted to ...
I dont think "you should stay together for the kids sake". As he is making his life altering decision.. all I wanted him to do is think of his kids. Thats all.

HE should be with whom ever he is most happy with but I think he has a pretty de-lusional view about who that is.