How Can I Make Her Feel Like Sunshine Again?

[sclark08]

My current relationship has been fairly strong for some 14 months. She is going to be a Senior in high school this fall and I'll be a freshmen at college. Our towns will be two hours apart yet she is having a hard time getting over the fact that we will be apart and I will be very busy (Air Force Reserve Officer Training Corps, Civil Engineering, Work Study and that). The following year (my sophomore year) she will be going to another college in the same town as me.

She often has bad dreams and wakes frequently or doesn't get very much sleep at all. lately she has craved lots of sweets and generally just doesn't feel well.

Icing on the cake is that her parents have been divorced since she was six and they both act less then adults. Her dad acts like a kid and is stuck in his ways (complains about her not treating him like an adult when she does the cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc.). Her mother on the other hand is Bipolar and moves from one end of the spectrum to the other in a matter of minutes. Sometimes she will compliment her and other times she will tell her she is no good. Her mother is notorious for "acting" when there is company she will cook a full meal (where she normally will cook just chicken, or make just salad otherwise) and act happy and well to do (very 1950's esq.), and she abuses medications...

So I leave in ten days and she is really not feeling good about having to be on her own again (she doesn't really have any friends to be with either- because she never could invite friends over when she was younger due to her bipolar mom). What can I say/do to make her feel better about our situation? I've order a couple of web cams for chatting- but our concern is still the amount of time I will have.

[jen's mind]

It sounds like your girlfriend is lucky to have such a caring and aware boyfriend! However, you need to be careful of this situation.

As a freshman in college, you're going to be entering a whole new world, and with ROTC and your college courses you will be taking on a lot of work. You've got to make sure that you give yourself every opportunity to succeed, and having your mind wrapped around your girlfriend and what's going on in her life will not be helpful to you.

Plus, it sounds like she's exhibiting some signs of clinical depression, which is not something that you are equipped to take on. If she doesn't have a support system around her, made of up friends and a healthy family, then she may really have a hard time when you go away to school. Is there a counseling center near her, or can she talk to a guidance counselor at school? She may need to see a doctor about antidepressants, at least as a short-term solution, if she is truly depressed (remember, depression is a chemical misfire in the brain; sometimes the only way to deal with it is pharmacologically.)

Anyway, as much as you clearly care for her, you cannot be wrapped up in her well-being right now or your own well-being will go down the tubes. See what you can do to get some help. This is a critical year for you both.