Going out & Staying Home

[Fawn]

Well, my boyfriend and I have been going out a little over 6mths now. This is my longest relationship and we've become pretty serious.

Lately, we've been having problems when it comes to going out somewhere or staying home. A lot of the time I would prefer to stay home and enjoy relaxing in the comfort of my own home. Maybe, cuddling up to a movie or playing games. All good stuff. But he would rather be going out to places every night/day.

Sure, I don't mind going out every once in a while. But I find it hard to do sometimes. I've had a past history of anxiety when going out to places and this still plagues me today. I'm on enough medication now and don't plan on going on any more. He knows that I get anxious sometimes and I really can't help it. Anything can trigger it and he's seen me when this has happened when we go out. I get all nervous and I start feeling really sick. Thats my usual symptoms from it (and yes my doctor knows about this, etc.).

The problem is that he thinks that I'm ignoring him or somehow not interested in him because sometimes I would rather stay at home. He knows I love him and that I care about him! But he still has doubts. I fear he may want to break-up if keeps occuring. He's told me he gets annoyed about it, so it worry's me a little. I'm confused.

[bluestrattos]

Hello Fawn. Seems to me that he's being a little bit jealous because it's always what he wants. He never acept your suggestions like staying in home. He knows that you don't feel very good going out every day/night, so i think he should think about you a little bit. Try to explain that to him. Try to make him see that you love him either staying with in your house, or going out.Be patience. However if he keeps playing the "I" game or doing that tricky game of "you don't go out with me anymore, it's because you don't love me", perhaps he may not love you so much as you love him.

[Fawn]

I've explained it to him SO many times. He just keeps assuming that there has to be this big reason to why I get anxious/nervous sometimes. But I really don't know why it happens. Its just a feeling. Its one of those things thats hard to explain. I've told him that sometimes it just happens for no reason. He gets annoyed/angry because he doesn't understand it. But I can't tell him something that I don't understand myself.

[BillyGalbreath]

I have this problem too, Fawn. And it totally sucks ass, I know. Unfortunately, there isn't middle ground in this area. Someone has to give way, before the relationship itself gives way.

If he can't find it in his heart to respect your anxiety issues, then you have three choices. 1) if you really like him and are blindly in love, then try to change your own habbits to fit his. This is the hardest one to do, and never really seems to work. 2) you can have him change his ways and hope that he doesn't leave you because you seem "demanding" or whatever excuss he comes up with or 3) you can seperate.

Change, force, or leave. Thats what this situation comes down to. There is no middle ground. One or the other, or it ends.

Sorry I seem to be the bringer of bad news... but its a fact in life. Sorry.

[Fawn]

In a way, I may just have to force. I think thats my best option at the moment.

Oddly enough he told me that he didn't want me to be sad and down. He wants to help me by bringing me out to places. I do admire his tenacity and I can except that I need to do some changing anyways. Merely for my own well-being. I should be able to face places or situations without that anxiety. So I'll have to push myself as well and if I'm having a really big problem with it, I will enforce it.

I think the best thing I need for my relationship would be compromise. Something we can both agree on when it comes to this. hmm... I must do some thinking.

[Frebbiezadyke]

aww he just wants to show off his chica to the world