I'm going to try to word this as compressed as possible as it is a few years I'm going to try to sum up in a paragraph or so.
Few years ago my best friend got into a relationship with this girl who I liked a lot as well. About a year or so passed of me and him just having a silent feud, not speaking to each other and all that nonsense, all that while it was probably the most emo, emotionally horrific time of my life.
Years pass, we finally slowly start to get over our differences and start talking and hanging out with each other, but you know, we were never really ourselves, we always spoke as if we were walking on cracked glass ,we were never ourselves. I also still stayed friends with his gf(of 4.5 years as of now), we spoke a lot and even though she knew the feelings I had for her, she felt as if I had moved passed them, I hadn't, not one bit, I just got that better at wearing a mask.
So recently, they just had a rough patch in their relationship, and she came to me for advice, so for this time I decided to put my feelings and pain aside to help her through this tough time. But now it seems as if they are probably going to get back together, and even if they don't I can't do this anymore.
I'm thinking of speaking my mind to both of them. Telling my best friend that we can't keep going like this, we're never ourselves around each other and its not fair to the both of us. Also I want to tell his gf/ex-gf that I can't continue being there, its just too difficult to me. I've tried everything, writing journals, asking people for advice in the same position as me, but when she's there everyday, its basically impossible to get over.
The only option which I believe I have left is to stop seeing/speaking to them both, this basically means I have to stop seeing all my friends as well because we are all part of the same social group. I feel I've been carrying this weight too long, I need time to grow mentally and I feel I can't do this with them around. Although all you people reading may think I'm being irrational, remember this has been carrying over me for almost 5 years now, I really feel as if I owe to myself to let go.
If you were able to read through all that, I sincerely thank you, because none of my friends would even understand.