Is there any hope? Please help!

[Slowmantic]

I met this incredible woman about 2 1/2 years ago at a party. She's beautiful, both inside and out - nice to everyone who is kind to her (rare for such a gorgeous lady) and, though not book smart, seems to be filled with wisdom. I've never felt I had so much in common with anyone, male or female, though I seem to be stuck in the friend box. We talk, on the phone or email, almost every day, and I am filled with joy every time. After hanging out with her for a year or so (and telling her I'd like to date her - probably too late) she told me her ex was the only man she could ever love and was soon back together with him (and his footlong). They've been back together for a year, and neither really seems happy. The way he acts reminds me of how I acted years ago when I knew I was tired of my pretty girlfriend but was too lame/addicted to sleeping with her to break it off. She's got no future with this guy that I can see (at least no happy one as I don't think he loves her) and she talks with me about leaving him periodically. I don't know what to do - this woman feels like my best friend (so I don't want to scare her off) and I never thought I'd have that in a woman - I was convinced that all relationships were various degrees of settling for something less than what you really want/need and then I met her. Is there any way to get on the good ladder? Anything else you need to know? I'd really appreciate some advice if you care to give it!!!

[Gigabitch]

Man, that sucks. There's nothing you can do. You told her how you feel. She hasn't forgotten. She made her choice.

Have you dated anyone in the 2.5 years since you met her? Are you holding out for her? If this is the case, I think you should stop.

You can't always get what you want, in the words of Mick Jagger.

[CAM]

I didn't do "the hold out for her" thing, but I was so broken hearted once that I didn't date for 5 years. I think Giga's right--you did all you could and you have to know that you were pretty gutsy for saying how you felt. Sometimes, that's all you can do. What really sucks is when you do find someone else who is right for you and vice versa...you'll run into the woman you mentioned and there's a good chance that you'll get the exploring look into your face as if she is saying, "Why didn't I see who he was before it was too late?"

[Slowmantic]

Well, I've dated a few women since we met, but none that interest me as much as her. She's coming to visit soon, and I am wondering if there is any point to telling her how I feel, or if that is just going to lower my status in her eyes. Someone told me to ignore her for 6 months to a year while bedding as many other women as possible, but that feels like breaking my morals, as I would probably have to lead them on to do that (seemed fine when I was younger but now I feel differently); however I'd do a lot to be with her. Am I hopelessly in the friend box?

[Gigabitch]

Not hopelessly. I think your instinct to behave yourself is a good one. You don't want her to become disgusted with you.

If you can't help yourself, tell her how you feel, but do it toward the end of the visit and only tell her once. Prepare a statement.