Confused about relationship

[LC897]

Hi,

I'm very confused about my relationship. I've been dating this guy for about 2.5 months and overall it has been great. We have so much in common. However, I can't help but feel something is off. He literally just got out of a long-term relationship with someone, but swears I'm not rebound. He told me he loved me within a month. I really do care about him and I want to stay invested in this relationship. However, I can't help but feel I'm a replacement girlfriend. Some of his actions would indicate that I'm not rebound. For example, he was the one that pursued a commitment with me, he refers to me as his "girlfriend", he says he is willing to wait for sex, and he has told people about me. We also have known each other for a very long time as friends, but just started a relationship recently.

So, I need a guy's opinion on this--would a man do all these things if I was a rebound? Would he really do these things if he really didn't love me and a see a future with me? I guess I'm kind of worried that it might be rebound and infatuation. While in the meantime, I end up falling for him.

One last question: would it be out of line to have him wait for sex at least 6months-1yr to prove his commitment to me?

Thanks for any opinions!

[snoz]

You probably won't like my answer to this but I do know people who do these things and don't realise the girl is a rebound. I think if you like him then just risk it and take his word for it.

Chances are in the end he'll think it doesn't matter as he met another wonderful girl like you.

And no I don't think it's out of line to have him wait for sex and he might even appreciate you in the long run.

[LC897]

You probably won't like my answer to this but I do know people who do these things and don't realise the girl is a rebound. I think if you like him then just risk it and take his word for it.

Chances are in the end he'll think it doesn't matter as he met another wonderful girl like you.

And no I don't think it's out of line to have him wait for sex and he might even appreciate you in the long run.

Thanks Snoz, for your honest opinion. A part of me feels like deep down he might be lying to himself too. I have talked with him several times about feeling like this and he says really there is nothing to worry about. He says he is completely over the past relationship because it was a horrible and unhealthy relationship. However, I keep thinking to myself how can someone just get over a person that they were with for 8 years in 2 months?

[alter_ego]

I think that you should trust him.... making him prove his love for you is generally not a good starting point. You either trust him or you don't, you need to make up your mind here.

There are those who get emotionally detached before leaving a relationship and who don't need or require long and outdrawn getting over processes.

Follow your gut feeling and yes 6 months is too long for him to wait. Don't make him wait more than 3 months, its long enough, he wont wait if isn't sincere.

[ransom_nite]

well in my honest opinion, from my knowledge of people rebounding, all they generally want is sex, but heck everyone is different.

i say give him a chance to prove his love for you and personally i would make him wait for sex, but not too long, otherwise he might think something is wrong etc..

thats my 2 cents

[LC897]

How long do you guys think I should make him wait to have sex? A part of me feels like 2 months is a bit early to put out in this relationship. He actually said this is the longest period of time he has not had sex. I'm not completely opposed to having sex now. However, I am worried sex might change things. I just want a solid, healthy relationship before we take it there.

[ransom_nite]

ultimately its what ever time your comfortable and think your ready to have sex with him. might be another few months or a half a year, but he should respect that decision and im sure both of you will appreciate it more if you it lay it out on the table like that.

[Gillian666]

I dated a guy for a couple of years. We started dating shortly after his marriage of 10 years ended. According to him, they had been nothing but roommates for the last 4.

After 2 years together and him telling me daily how much he loved me, he dumped me and told me that I was a rebound and that he just couldn't stand to be alone.

There are no guarantees. But then again, are there ever? Enjoy yourself and don't analyze too much.

[LC897]

I dated a guy for a couple of years. We started dating shortly after his marriage of 10 years ended. According to him, they had been nothing but roommates for the last 4.

After 2 years together and him telling me daily how much he loved me, he dumped me and told me that I was a rebound and that he just couldn't stand to be alone.

There are no guarantees. But then again, are there ever? Enjoy yourself and don't analyze too much.

Wow, 2 years is a long time for rebound. Yes, I should not over analyze. However, I do not want to waste my time with someone that I'm not sure about.

[TimJ]

LC897 -

I have been where you are in regards to rebounds. I was dating a lady for 3 1/2 months and really fell hard for her. She dumped me with the "let's just be friends" line, and I found out later that she had actually met another guy.

Then, probably 2 weeks later, I had dinner with a lady that I met on the internet, but who was local to me. Although I was still hurt from the last girlfriend, we spent a lot of time together. At first, she probably WAS a rebound girl for me. However, we are now getting married next month on New Years Eve!

Was she a rebound girl? She has told me that she thinks she was. I would have to agree with her. But I am glad that she stayed with me, anyway. We are VERY happy together.

As for sex, I always tell people that sex changes the relationship every time. Think it through carefully, because there is no turning back once you have sex. Just my opinion, so take it for what you will from a guy you have never met before.

Thanks,
Tim

[Gigabitch]

I agree with your definition of yourself as a "replacement".

I guess you should try to figure out whether he's just looking for someone, anyone to be his girlfriend or if it's really about you. How much you is in the relationship? Who makes decisions about where you'll go and how you'll spend your time? Is he interested in your future as a person, or only as an accessory to his future?

And why would you make him wait for sex one minute longer than you wanted to, just to "prove" his loyalty? Do you want to have sex with him? Then do it. Don't want to? Then don't. Don't play games about it.