Not happy being single?

[Simpo]

Not sure if this belongs in the Love advice section or here.

So I feel like I need to be in a relationship to get the best out of life. I have heard a few people saying that you have to be happy single if you want to be happy in a relationship but I'm not sure if this applies to me. Basically I got into a 6 month relationship and it was amazing for 5 months of it and was possibly the happiest I have ever been before finding out she cheated and that's a whole other story.

I have a good paying job and nice car so I'm not miserable or necessarily un-happy with my life I just always have this feeling that it can be better and feel bored quite a lot. I don't go out much drinking and don't have much hobbies apart from my car so having a girlfriend allows me to go out and do more and also lets me hang out with my other friends as a couple since most already have gf's and im left feeling like a third wheel. Finding one is a lot harder than I thought though...

Any help or advice on this?

[lalalita]

If you think you're ready for a new relationship, maybe try some online dating sites to meet girls.

[pcmaster]

Well man you said you are not miserable so your struggle to find GF must be because lack of going out. Increase your alcohol consumption and that should solve the problem.(nightclubs and bars you know) What I mean be more social than ussual. You said your friends have GF so maybe those GF's have friends that are single too and they could introduce you.

The problem is that girls like guys who dont need them, like if they not needy. But when you happy on your own then you dont need girl anymore so thats another problem, cause you can get them but dont need them. I think you should join a gym or some social group and do something that you like with like minded people. You might find new buddies or meet a girl just like you.

[chinagirl]

Why don't you hang out in places where you can meet girls? Bars, shopping malls, cafe's, etc. Can you ask any of your friend's GF to intoduce you to any of their female friends? Or if you see someone you like, just have the confidence to walk up to the person to say hello and chat with her.

Girls like guys who are self confident and not too shy...

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The beach is another place to meet girls and the gym (PC mentioned this).

[Simpo]

so here's my other problem... I don't drink, don't like clubs or dancing so rules out that. my Friends Gf's friends mostly have bf's and two of my friends gf's used to live down south and don't have much female friends up here and the other friends gf is at uni in edinburgh.

Also trying online dating and only met one girl on there but she lived too far away to do anything about it. Not a big fan of the gym due to me thinking its a waste of money and have my own equipment at home

[chinagirl]

Online dating and put a filter in your profile in terms of geographical location that you only want a match that is 20-30 miles from you. Supermarket??? Girls gotta eat, right?

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With on line dating, you need a lot of patience to weed out the undesirable ones in order to meet the right person.

[Simpo]

Online dating and put a filter in your profile in terms of geographical location that you only want a match that is 20-30 miles from you. Supermarket??? Girls gotta eat, right?

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With on line dating, you need a lot of patience to weed out the undesirable ones in order to meet the right person.

I used zoosk in the past but only used a free account and only ever had a couple of genuine matches over the course of 2 months. also tried POF and OKCupid and literally less than 10 people within 30 miles on both sites :/ I'm trying tinder but once I get added the girls seem to not say a word even with me starting a convo with them.

[Wakeup]

Not sure if this belongs in the Love advice section or here.

So I feel like I need to be in a relationship to get the best out of life. I have heard a few people saying that you have to be happy single if you want to be happy in a relationship but I'm not sure if this applies to me. Basically I got into a 6 month relationship and it was amazing for 5 months of it and was possibly the happiest I have ever been before finding out she cheated and that's a whole other story.

I have a good paying job and nice car so I'm not miserable or necessarily un-happy with my life I just always have this feeling that it can be better and feel bored quite a lot. I don't go out much drinking and don't have much hobbies apart from my car so having a girlfriend allows me to go out and do more and also lets me hang out with my other friends as a couple since most already have gf's and im left feeling like a third wheel. Finding one is a lot harder than I thought though...

Any help or advice on this?

Can I ask how you what made you think that it was amazing for five months if she cheated on you? What red flags were you ignoring? What sketchy behaviour didn't you pay attention to?

Anyway... to help you meet girls have you thought about joining a co-ed sports team like baseball, volleyball, soccer and meeting healthy young women that way?

There is also meetmarketadventures.com (if there is a chapter in your area) that will introduce you to singles while doing activities rather then like a dating site where the only activities is to get laid 9 times out of 10. There is also meetup.com which is a similar site.

How about joining a special interest class that women would gravitate towards (like a dancing class for instance or wine tasting) and meet young people that do more then drink and pick each other up for sex? You'll meet a person who is likely more ready to settle down and give up the Fb's/fwb situations if you look in the right places.

Get yourself some personal hobbies and interests that you'll be passionate about. You have to be an interesting person in order to interest someone else.

[chinagirl]

Make sure you have good pictures that show your full face, without sunglasses, have outdoor pictures as well that will show you are not a boring person. Profile must be interesting, eye catching and brief.

[Simpo]

Can I ask how you what made you think that it was amazing for five months if she cheated on you? What red flags were you ignoring? What sketchy behaviour didn't you pay attention to?

Well the 5 months were great since I was going out a lot more, trying new restaurants, being able to make someone else smile, able to share a bed among other bed activities, able to go out with friends that have gf's and meet her friends and just enjoy the benefits of a relationship. The things I ignored or forgave was her constantly on her phone, lying about who she was talking to, going out with guy friends. Sketchiest behaviour would be when she kissed a guy when she was really drunk and I forgave her and the time she text a guy saying she didn't love me and I was just a boyfriend while she was at uni... there were other things too. She never admitted to physically cheating but emotionally is bad enough

As for my hobbies / interests. Main hobby is cars, 2nd favourite xbox, 3rd going to friends house and watching football... so don't meet a lot of girls through that

[nico88]

Maybe I'm off on this but it seems like your reasons for wanting a girlfriend is a bit off base. You can't just get into a committed relationship because you're bored. If that's your main reason for wanting a girlfriend then it's never gunna work out in the end..

[Simpo]

Its not that I'm bored haha, its that I want a meaningful relationship and I know that I am happiest when in a relationship. I'm not doing it for selfish reasons, if anything I want to find a girl that I can make happy, feel loved, spend time with etc. Admittedly I will get great happiness from seeing my significant other being happy but is that such a bad thing?

[susan0907]

I'm sure that people can be their happiest when they're with the person that completes them, but I do believe that a person should be able to be happy by themselves first. Not necessarily be the happiest you can be, but you know, be content and comfortable with yourself with the belief that the right person will eventually come around. I room with three other girls, and there was one time where all three were in a relationship and I was single. It was super depressing but after a while, I found solace in close friends who just get me. I'm not talking about shallow friendships, but those who truly appreciate and understand you. I think being single is a good time to start strengthening relationships and ties that were once weak. Like ones with your parents and siblings, or good friends you may have neglected because of your old relationship. It's a good time to find hobbies and meet new people. Things will surely fall into place.

[nico88]

Its not that I'm bored haha, its that I want a meaningful relationship and I know that I am happiest when in a relationship. I'm not doing it for selfish reasons, if anything I want to find a girl that I can make happy, feel loved, spend time with etc. Admittedly I will get great happiness from seeing my significant other being happy but is that such a bad thing?

That's not a bad thing at all. You just didn't state that in your post so I was just checking. Good luck in your search, dude.

[Wakeup]

The things I ignored or forgave was her constantly on her phone, lying about who she was talking to, going out with guy friends. Sketchiest behaviour would be when she kissed a guy when she was really drunk and I forgave her and the time she text a guy saying she didn't love me and I was just a boyfriend while she was at uni... there were other things too. She never admitted to physically cheating but emotionally is bad enough

Then I'll trust that you're cognizant enough to not ignore such things in the future and quickly distance yourself from chicks who are obviously not valuing your fine self. Frame yourself as the prize, Simpo. The girls will flock to you when they know that you have conviction, personal boundaries and good relationship boundaries in place that you'll not cross or for sure, not let them cross because you'll be outta there if they do.

As for my hobbies / interests. Main hobby is cars, 2nd favourite xbox, 3rd going to friends house and watching football... so don't meet a lot of girls through that

You main hobby is cars. Do you refurbish old one's, work on them, buy/sell them what about them are you into?