Am I tired of waiting or just being to rush? Pls. Help.:(

[jasmine08]

Hi just want to share my current situation right now coz it really bothers me alot. To the point that whenever Im alone I always think of this situation and really cry.

Weve been couple for 3 yrs now. Hes realy nice guy. Responsible hardworking . We often see each other like 4 times a week (we also see each other every weekend like ssturdays and sunday always). He also has his house living alone. Because his parents give it to him. I also visit him as always as i want. I also sleep over at his house since his living alone, i just lied to my parents that i cant come home due to work,.if not sleep over i spent him friday night like i go home around 2am. Really tired to drive home around 2 am just to be with him. (to be honest im really tired of this routine) .Actually our relatoinship is smooth as if nothing lacks. We talk about everything people gadgets about friends about past, about life and etc. But there is one thing we cant talk about. And this is our future. About settling down / about marriage


Right now i dont know what to feel i feel so tired that doesnt want to put an effort on our relationship coz i feel that he doesnt have plan at all.
Sometimes when our topic seem to go on marriage topic. His joking around or seem to have a lot of reasons. (like this and like that / he also said that at this age we always want to have our wants) by the way hes 28 and im 23. I mean im not saying that we will get married as soon as possible, but i think we can talk about or just discuss those matter. Sometimes i feel im in a relationship with no purpose.
I guess relatioship with no purpose is just flirting around. Im tired of flirting,joking and all ybose sorts of playing games inlove.where not getting any younger. . But right now i feel that he doesnt have plan at all. He has his want and that is his priority right now. What should i do?
Will i continue this relationship and wait for the right time when he will say those words?
Or am i just rush or over thinking?
To be honest im really tired. I cry alone like almost everyday.
I hope some1 could give me a good advice..

Thank you

[bunnyhabit]

it appears he has no desire to get married. that is really not unusual for guys around his age. why are you so intense about getting married, security, children or..?

if you really want to marry, you need to find someone else or understands it is going to a long and perhaps never with your current boyfriend. would a live in arrangement work for you? he will probably be more receptive to a live in girlfriend as he is avoiding marriage like the plague based on your narrative.

[Hooo!]

You want to talk about it?
Talk about it!
He gets jokey?
Tell him to shut up and be serious?
He isn’t serious?
Show him what is at stake and how you feel about your current situation!

Don’t be surprised if that doesn’t end well
But we have a saying here in Germany
Better a terrifying end than endless terrifying

[TheEvilJester]

You two have been together for 3 years. NO, you are not rushing things by wanting to just talk about your future and at least get an idea of whether or not you two are on the same page or at least in the same chapter. It would be different if you were expecting him to pop the question immediately. If you wanted to get married, like, yesterday.

But you are NOT wrong at this point to at least want to talk about it and have some idea of the time frame he has in mind. Don't get me wrong... if he has no time frame in mind right now and just likes keeping things casual, that is not necessarily wrong either.... but it very well MAY be wrong FOR YOU. And where he would be wrong is to think he can just keep avoiding the discussion and leave you wondering. If you have brought it up many times before, obviously it is important to you. So, he needs to grow up, man up, and just be honest with you.

Sure, MAYBE if he's honest it will turn out you two are too far off time-wise. Maybe it will mean the end of the relationship. But wouldn't you bother be better off knowing that now rather than to keep going on longer only to eventually reach the same conclusion?

When you have tried to talk to him before and he just kind of tries to dismiss it, have you let it go? Because my first advice, if you haven't done this already, would be to sit him down and try to have a real conversation about it. Don't let him just dismiss it. I mean, make it clear that you aren't meaning to push him. If that is how you feel, tell him it isn't like you are saying it has to be tomorrow... but that you just want to know if you two are at least close enough in the time frames you imagine.

When it comes down to it, he isn't necessarily doing anything wrong if he doesn't see things getting any more serious soon. But you are also not wrong if that isn't right for you. What is wrong is if either of you try to force the other into something with which they are not comfortable. You shouldn't force him to take the relationship more serious if he doesn't want to yet, but he also shouldn't expect you to just wait around forever if you need something more at this point.

Good luck to you either way.

[DalM0m]

Get him to have a serious talk about the subject in general, not your specific relationship. Does he believe in marriage ? Does he see himself married in the future? What does that look like? If he says he doesn't believe in marriage, believe him & get out. If she says he never saw himself getting married before 30 are you willing to hang on 2 more years? Will you be strong enough to walk away then if he doesn't come through?