The perfect guy

[LailaK]

I know the perfect guy doesn't exist but I recently met someone who fits the bill. For me anyway.

He's incredibly attractive. He's smart. Although this has never been one of my criteria for a man he's also rich. None of that attracts me more than what a gentleman he is though.

The first time I met him I wrote him off as being too good looking and too wealthy for me to ever be interested in (or for him to ever be interested in me). We were out with a bunch of friends and we barely spoke.

The second time I met him I was taken aback by how much of a sweet, nice (but still confident and manly) gentleman he was. I watched the way he was towards me and everyone else at the Halloween party and a part of me melted. I've always been a sucker for a guy with manners.

My girlfriends are all encouraging me to pursue him but I no longer take dating advice from my girlfriends.

We've exchanged a few emails and text messages. He's given me a cute nickname. I'll admit that I'm scared. I've been playing it cool but I like him. My track record with guys I like is not good. I don't really want to play games with this guy, he's too nice and too sincere. But at the same time I don't want to do what I always do (leading with my heart). It always ends up with me alone, standing there, wondering what I did wrong after the guy slips away stealthily.

The bottom line is I'm good at attracting men, I'm not good at seducing them and keeping them around past the 1st or 2nd date. Maybe someone can give me some pointers?

For reference, the guys always "seem" into me but the only ones that ever follow through are the ones I don't really like. Help?

Edit: Also, I don't give it up. Not right away. I usually wait a few months. My friends say that the type of guy I'm usually attracted to (cute, cocky, douchebag) can sense this after the first date and that's why they don't follow through with a 2nd date. Is this true?

[WICKED THOUGHTS]

Well, i think for me... that kills the mood. Is when a girl is an attention hoe, checks out a guy everytime one walks in d door, talks about other guys and how a dog some are. Teases, then doesnt follow up. Ya di, ya di, ya da. Lol

[JELEF]

If you're generally attracted wankers, then yeah, they'd bugger off after a few dates if they realized they'd be made to wait. By the way what 'clues' are you giving away during the first date that makes them so keenly aware that they'll be waiting months? If you're not being subtle, that'd scare someone off. No one's ever particularly chuffed to hear 'it'll be next season before you're ever in my pants' on the first.

There's not enough information to get an idea of what you're doing wrong or if it's an issue of the wrong chaps being attracted to you. Though, you do say you lead with your heart. Perhaps you're coming on too strong when you properly fancy someone and are scaring them off. The best advice always is to play it cool. Keep your emotions in check. Don't treat him like he's the man of your dreams. Be yourself (presumably the person to whom he was attracted) and get to know eachother.

To me, he sounds like a top man.

[RdHrshyKss]

i don't see the point in playing any kind of games or not being yourself. the best way to find the right fit is to be yourself. if a guy isn't attracted to you for who you are, then he isn't worth your time anyway. i mean, continue to stay cool but don't act so cool that he thinks you're ice cold. he needs to know that you are interested, so cluing him in on how you are feeling is not a bad thing. but taking things slow is a really good idea. you don't want to rush into anything too quickly because that's when you have to deal with the crash and burn. just be yourself, don't rush, get to know each other bit by bit and allow the intimacy to just build up naturally.

i'm rooting for you...this guy sounds hot!

[girl68]

A few whole months? Isn't that quite a long time? I'm no one to quesiton time, if that's what you need, by all means but don't be a little cock tease in the process. Don't talk sex and if sex comes up just decline and details instead saying something along of it takes time for me, but when it's time it's game on or something like that then new subject.

Best advice: go on dates that are FUN. If dinners, and movie is boring suggest something else! If you're both having a lot of fun, chances are he's going to want to have some more fun on the second date.

[Applesauce]

Just be yourself. No mind games

[Gigabitch]

The fact that you like him is a red flag. You have bad luck with guys.

[xxazurexx]

The bottom line is I'm good at attracting men, I'm not good at seducing them and keeping them around past the 1st or 2nd date. Maybe someone can give me some pointers?

Sounds like you attract a few 'tossers' (havn't we all), who are only interested in and looking for an easy lay and asap. When they don't get it, or sense they aren't going to get it and soon, they disappear. Men who like you and who genuinely want to get to know you further, wouldn't be put off by the fact you don't 'put out' immediatley. He would respect you, take the time to get to know you and wait until you are ready.

Just continue to be yourself. Nothing wrong in having and maintaining morals and the right guy for you will find you one day

[ochriso]

Jelef - Did an american just say wanker?

[VincenzoG91]

Edit: Also, I don't give it up. Not right away. I usually wait a few months. My friends say that the type of guy I'm usually attracted to (cute, cocky, douchebag) can sense this after the first date and that's why they don't follow through with a 2nd date. Is this true?

It is true. Cocky guys are cocky, in part, because the third date rule works for them. They may miss out on some quality women, but they strive to make up for that in quantity.

[LailaK]

Thanks for the advice everyone. I don't know where it's going with this guy but I've decided to just be friends for now. A part of me is very worried that I like him so much. I do have a really bad track record with men, and right now I feel like being a chicken.

I went on a mini-vacation with some co-workers this weekend. They both are in really great relationships. The common theme for both of them is that they weren't looking for anything or trying to force anything and love just kind of happened for them.

I'll be honest, I think I get into a lot of drama and trouble because I want to be in love so much. I'm going to seriously work on wanting it less. I've decided to give dating a rest for a while and find a hobby that doesn't include men. Maybe if I keep myself distracted things will line up for me better.

[Mish]

My friends say that the type of guy I'm usually attracted to (cute, cocky, douchebag)

This doesn't sound anything how you've described this guy. I think you are jumping ahead of yourself and reading too much into things. If the prospect is good you should at least give it a try, make up your mind after you see the results.