Long distance relationship- Expectations?

[Caragh87]

Hi all..

I'm really after some advice on expectations for a long distance relationship.

I've been seeing a guy for almost a year long distance. He lives about a 10 hour drive, and an hour on a plane from me.
It started off casual and was based on a very strong friendship of more than 2 years.
It has in the last 4-5 months become serious and I am planning on moving to be with him, and start working together.
Its a huge opportunity for me, and I'm not sure if he's my forever person.. but he's definitely someone that I could see myself with for a long time, and can grow alongside.

Now another important aspect of the relationship is that its poly-amorous, meaning we are able to have other partners.
Right now he has one other partner and I don't have anyone else. At the moment i'm focused on school and working and having another partner isn't an option for me but I feel like in the future it could be.

We see each other every 3-4 weeks now, sometimes for 3 days and sometimes for a week. Its hard but worth it.
Generally during the week we chat online during the work day and tend to have about 30 minutes on the phone together.

At the moment I currently don't speak to him a lot on weekends, its not for lack of trying but he's careless and will let his phone battery die. Then he'll feel back and text me and say he'll call soon(Normally he does)

I've tried to explain how isolating the situation is but because he has another relationship that isn't long distance.. I don't see that he gets it.

I'm wondering if anyone has a history of long distance relationships and how much time you spend communicating during the week and on weekends.
I haven't been in many relationships, let alone ones that have such a great distance.

Just looking for some advice :0

- Caragh

[Saya]

Every relationship is different I guess...
Do you want more communication from him?

I used to be in a long-distance relationship before and I suppose it worked out fine, but I couldn't do it long-term because I would miss my bf a lot.
We didn't have long-distance relationship long tho since I moved down to where he is.
At the start we would probably spoke on the phone a lot more and we would talk about 1-2hour... but then talking online is a lot cheaper so we would talk online a lot.
Good thing was, he was working at home and I was unemployed so we could talk a lot online anytime.
On the net, we would talk everyday for about 5hours plus...it depends on the day tho.
He came to see me every two week for few days/a week.

[Ciara Shante]

Greetings,

Unike the other folks on here I speak the truth... and sweetie this is NOT YOUR MAN. First off your in a long distance relationship and he's in another relationship that isn't long distance. Now that other girl has a man. One who is there with her and Im sure she doesnt have the communication issues that u have either. He is playing you, telling you all the things you wanna hear so that when he wants a vacation from his girl he has you. A piece of ass that isn't in the same place as his girl that he can hit and go back home. I bet she doesnt know anything about you. Yes you are a side piece, not because that is all you are capable of, but because that is what you have allowed him to make you. You say he normally calls and texts sometimes and you dont see or hear from him on the weekends... Um yeah he's with his girl then. CLASSIC: "My phone died for the whole weekend but how are you sweetie" is probably what you are used to hearing. You seem like a nice girl and believe me you deserve better. The best advice I can give to you is PLEASSSE DONT MOVE YOUR LIFE TO HIS LOCATION. you'll be setting yourself up for heartbreak, Stop confusing a good lay with love cause youll end up all broken up in the process.

[sadie_genie]

Stop confusing a good lay with love cause youll end up all broken up in the process.

Aren't they in a long distance relationship? So, physical intimacy can't be whats keeping them together. I wonder what is.

[Wakeup]

Sadie physical intimacy is THE only thing they have going for them.. He gets to have sex with her once a month without any strings. I'd imagine there is quite a lot of physical intimacy when they are actually together.

OP: You need to listen to Ciara because the by what you've described that is exactly what is happening here. if he is in a polyamourous relationship with his primary partner that is not long distance, then tell him you want to speak with her so that you get to know her when you move there to make sure all three of you are compatible. If he refuses to introduce you or let you speak to her then you are just his "dirty little secret."

I suggest you do this soon so that you know the true score. Don't let him be 100% in control of this dynamic. You deserve to be involved other than with your vagina on a part time basis. He will not be giving up the girl he spends all his weekends with. You need to know her and she should at least know OF you by this time.

[sadie_genie]

Sadie physical intimacy is THE only thing they have going for them.. He gets to have sex with her once a month without any strings. I'd imagine there is quite a lot of physical intimacy when they are actually together.

But can't he get that physical intimacy with the other girl?

[Wakeup]

Yes, and he is. He's POLYAMOROUS. (or he's pretending to be so he can get sex from more than one person) Google it for further education on it.