I feel like my friends are holding back my dating and social life

[Brown Leather]

My friends and I go all the way back to highschool. They've been really great, but at the same time, I can't help but feel like they can't help me grow anymore, and that they're keeping me back.

I just recently graduated college, and I'm back home along with most of the people I knew in high school. With all my college friends gone for good, I'm at a point in my life where I want to start over, go out, explore and meet new people (especially girls)

But my friends don't want to do any of that. Whenever we've been back together, like now or on all the school vacations the past few years, all they ever want to do is sit inside, drink beer, smoke pot, watch movies and play videogames. They're like Seth Rogan's friends in "Knocked Up," minus the pickup artist and only slightly less entertaining.

They never want to go out and explore new places or meet new people. On the rare occasions I can get them to come out to a bar or a party or whatever, they're reluctant, whiny or otherwise asocial. I'm ashamed to admit, but I'm sometimes embarrassed to introduce them to new people; especially girls.

I've had ex-girlfriends ask to meet my friends, and I would always say, "nah, another time," or "nah, they're not that great." Then they would always accuse me about being embarrassed about her, so I would invite the girl to hangout with me and my friends one night, and I could tell she would just be bored and turned off.

One girl even told me one night "wow, you actually hang out with those losers?" I didn't know how to respond to that.

Eitherway, I'm single now. I would like to meet new people and new girls, but I don't think my friends can help me. They either won't go out with me or they'll be awkward and asocial on the rare occasions they do.

But at the same time, it's so hard to work up the courage to talk to and meet new people when I'm out on my own. I'm worried they'll think I'm some creepy loner or something.

What can I do?

[MDavis454]

Sounds like the only thing you can do is do your best to try to meet some new people. You don't necessarily have to give up the old friends entirely, but if you find new people to hang out with and they feel left out, it'll either promote them to get out and go with you or they are going to be mad at you. If they end up mad that you found friends who actually grew up.. then you don't need them. I can actually relate sort of because that's the kids i hung out with all through high school and i'm trying to meet different people in college. I've only met a couple people but they are already more fun than the old friends. I don't know, i guess it depends on how much you truly believe they are holding you back

[Gigabitch]

Yuck.

So how did it happen that you went to college and did something with yourself and your whole group of friends are trapped in the past? It sounds to me like you have never really been like the rest of them and it's only now becoming so obvious that it's causing a problem.

I think YOU need to make some more friends. Do you have a job? Do something with those people.

[Primo]

Brown Leather, I had a friend, a good guy too, but he was a constant downer. Always thinking negative, that no girl would ever like him, that they were all too good looking or too good for him in some way.

It started wearing me down, really affecting me, as I'm an upbeat positive person by nature. It finally got so bad I had to write him a long heart to heart letter and basically "break up with him" from a friends perspective.

It was hard, but I have to say one of the best things I ever did. Some people can be very toxic to your life and even though it's tough to do, it's best to let them go.

[Chupacabras]

Growing up is hard to do.

Start making new friends at work; BS around the watercooler and if you find someone that seems to have the same interests as you, arrange a man-date.

[Primo]

BS around the watercooler and if you find someone that seems to have the same interests as you, arrange a man-date.

hahaha :-D

[Brown Leather]

Yuck.

So how did it happen that you went to college and did something with yourself and your whole group of friends are trapped in the past? It sounds to me like you have never really been like the rest of them and it's only now becoming so obvious that it's causing a problem.

I think YOU need to make some more friends. Do you have a job? Do something with those people.

I think it's because some of them went to the same college together and I guess they spent the past 4 years reinforcing each other's behavior. But I went to school far away, and I didn't know anyone from HS, so I lost all my old influences and built a new identity for myself from scratch.

I have a job, but not in my field though. When I got back I started working retail at a clothing store. I have a lot of female coworkers, but everytime I ask them just to casually hangout somewhere after work, they always seem to assume I'm asking them out and decline...

[damn2008]

You basically have to meet new people. You can find or connect with one friend who can then hopefully connect you with more people and that can help you expand to a new network.

Perhaps you should consider moving away and starting "fresh"...you can find some roommates and build from there in a new town or city. Why not try to re-connect with some of your college buddies as well?

[Brown Leather]

You basically have to meet new people. You can find or connect with one friend who can then hopefully connect you with more people and that can help you expand to a new network.

Perhaps you should consider moving away and starting "fresh"...you can find some roommates and build from there in a new town or city. Why not try to re-connect with some of your college buddies as well?

I really don't think that's an option for me anytime soon. It was hard finding work when I got back home and I'm only working part time, plus I got into a bit of credit card debt. I have to pay all that off and save up a bit before I can move out.

Also, I went to school over 300 miles away, so all my college friends were either from there or even further away. I didn't meet a single person there who was even from my state.

[Gigabitch]

I know some people can't imagine living anywhere but home, but I think it's very difficult to evolve without getting out of Dodge. Get out soon.