What do I do? Would appreciate the help.

[StupidDevil]

This will be long so thank you for taking the time to read this and respond in advance I guess.

So I have a friend, let's call him Bob. And I can't get him out of my head, even though I barely see him. I met Bob over a year ago and I used to hate him, but than we became friends somehow. Next thing I know I started liking him, a lot. When i became single, we slept together, a fair few times, but because of my most recent relationship I was a bit cold afterwards. Although I tried asking him what we are and he always said friends, even though whenever we'd go out drinking or something he'd hold my hand and squeeze it and kiss me, but he'd also chat up other girls. So I started seeing someone, let's call him Tom, he was my best friend, and things just got serious, and amazing. In the mean time still that little part of me couldn't get Bob out of my head.

Fast forward end of last year I find out Bob got a girlfriend and they've been together for a while, but in that time I remember, he would kiss me and hold my hold, he just forgot to somehow mention it. Kind of had a go at him, said he'd be a better friend, haven't heard from him for about 3 months and then suddenly I receive a text saying he misses me, and tells me he isn't with that girl anymore. He tells me he likes someone, I of course ask who, and he instantly replies it's me. I'm staring at my phone and laughing and thinking what the hell. Some time after I didn't reply he tells me he's joking, and I don't even know what to think. So l confront him shortly after, and he just says 'it wasn't a very good joke, sorry'. One day he asks me what I'm up to on Valentine's Day. I say what I will be doing and ask why, his response is just taking interest in a friend.

We talk on and off here and there, few things to each other once in a blue moon. Now, I saw Bob few days ago, we just hang out and watched a movie. We fell asleep on his bed, and while we were sleeping he started cuddling me, literally spooning me, pulling me closer and squeezing me. I stirred awake, and his hand was getting a little too close to my chest so I moved it, shortly after he rolled over. Went back to sleep and when we woke up it was like nothing happened, what the hell am I even meant to think?

I am also leaving at the end of the week, he hasn't spoken to me since, I don't even know what to say to him.

And it's literally every time I look at him, it's like I'm looking at something that could have been, past, present and future.

[pcmaster]

I think you are just horny because its spring. You better stop thinking about guys and think about Jesus. Work for Jesus.

[ric_velasco]

By how your story went, I think Bob is the type of guy that basically does not take things very seriously, not even you. He may not have even noticed it, but he has taken advantage over you and her then-girlfriend.

If you care on what you are going to tell him before you leave, why not ask yourself first the question,"What do you want to come out of this?"...or also a bigger question like" How much respect do I still have left for myself?" Just that part alone where he was seeing you while he was with someone tells me he isn't a guy that respects you. If he can't respect you, he can't love you either.

You can't really forget him. He is already part of your life. You can however, put him in a place in you where he is just a good friend. Give the "Benefits" to the someone that really deserves it should you already find him. I'll leave the description of "deserving" to you love. Take care always.

[TheEvilJester]

Apologies if maybe I just missed it, but are you still with "Tom" or has that ended? To be perfectly honest with you, my personal advice would be to forget "Bob" entirely. He doesn't sound to me like a good friend AT ALL and he sounds like absolutely abysmal relationship material. So, just what point could there be to have him in your life at all? I dunno. Maybe that is just me. I will say this, though, I would certainly not recommend pursuing a relationship with him. He kisses you, cuddles with you, holds your hand, but then insists you are just friends? He has a girlfriend and yet continues to act the same way with you? Then his relationship ends and he tells you he likes you..... oh, but he was just joking?!

Sounds to me like this guy likes to play games. I don't, for second, believe any of his crap. I doubt he has a sincere bone in his body. Least of all the body part that doesn't actually contain any bone and is yet likely driving a lot of this guy's actions. Even if he did like you.... do you really want to be with somebody who you'd have to worry is cuddling and kissing other women even though he's with you? I know for now you can't get him out of your head, but believe me... in time you would. In time, you'd be thanking yourself for not allowing that kind of drama in your life.

Often times I try to give a little bit of a "Devil's Advocate" kind of aspect as well. In other words, I'll say what I personally think may be best, but also give some advice for the other side of the coin in case that may be where the person asking was leaning instead. In this case, I honestly can't in good conscience do that because I really cannot see any good reason to actually enter into a relationship with this bloke. If you honestly do insist on giving it a try, then I wish you the best. That definitely wouldn't be my advice, though. Though, if you are still with "Tom" but think you might want a chance to be with "Bob," then you at least need to let "Tom" go first. If you don't really want to be with him, it wouldn't be right to string him along like he's backup in case "Bob" never works out.

Good luck to you either way.

[richiro]

Bob only sees you as a hook-up to fulfill his phsyical needs. SOrry to say.
1. he slept with you quickly. always said it was "just friends"
2. he gave you up and went and got a gf
3. its only when that relationship failed that he came back to you
4. hes only friendly to you when he wants something - when he doesn't get it he acts like it was nothing. yet he keeps tryign to get some

you're nothing to bob.
you definitely should not jeopordize thigns with Tom to be with Bob - that would be a huge mn aot iistake (and probaly already too late).

take ethis time to reflect on why you're into Bob, and not Tom. THOSE VERY ANSWERS you should now know and learn and REMIND YOURSELF - are all the red flags of a guy you shoudl NOT be with and avoid.. and go for the opposite type of guy - unless you just wnat to be somebody's play thing forever and not in a full relationship. which.. some people woudl rather do those instead of full relatoinships (i did for a while.. it was awesome and fun!) it's not a bad way to go. but it doesn't sound like that's what you want.

if it is.. Bob is your man.
if it isn't... learn how to detect Bobs in the future and run away from it... and migrate towards the un-Bobs

[TheEvilJester]

Oh yeah, there's absolutely nothing wrong with just being in a "friends with benefits" kind of situation.... if both parties are aware if it and agree to it. I agree that it doesn't sound like that is what you want, though. I agree, as well, that it sounds like that is all you'd ever get with "Bob." Hell, even if that was all you wanted from him, at this point I think I'd still recommend against it. If that was all HE wanted, he could have just been honest with you and let you decide if that works for you. Instead, he chose to play his immature little games and mess with your head and heart. At this point, even if you were open to just having somebody with whom you could be each other's "play thing" I frankly wouldn't even recommend you do that with him. Maybe that's just me, but I don't think he's proven worthy even of that.

But, again, it sounds like you aren't interested in just a play thing. However, it sounds like that is about all you'd ever get from this "Bob." So, better to forget him and move on. And, again, if you are still with "Tom" you need to decide if that is because you want to be, or if you may be guilty of (whether you realize you are doing it or not) stringing him along just because you want SOMEBODY. Because that kind of thing is always a double-edged sword. On the one hand, "Tom" deserves somebody who fully and completely wants to be with him..... but at the same time, you also deserve somebody who YOU are fully and completely into, not just somebody who is there, so to speak. So, if you're not really into "Tom," it may be best to let him go (if he is still in the picture, since you weren't clear about that). If you are truly into him, then maybe it is time to re-focus on him and realize why you'd be so much better with somebody like him rather than with a "Bob."

Good luck!