Money Issue in Relationship

[Tina123]

Hi,
My boyfriend (35 yrs) has been living with me at my (33 yrs old) place for 1.4 years now. My rent for this period has been around 52k, out of which he contributed 10k so far. I did mention few times politely in the past 11 months that I would like him to share the rent atleast half. (If we weren’t living together then I would have rented out common room to cut down on my spend).

I recently asked him clearly to pay half the rent and he refused saying that he contributes more towards holiday trips. Which is true that he spent more than I did on most of our trips. But then I feel it’s unfair because if he had decided to spend more and do luxury trips then he should have asked me upfront whether I am willing to bare half the cost. In almost all the trips I didn’t even know how much he spent until we finished the trip. He chose luxury hotels etc. He chose to spend as much as he likes and then he wants me to contribute by paying the rent alone- would you agree that its incorrect?

Few more points to note is that his income is almost 10 times more than mine (he is a trader) and his net worth is also massively more than mine. In his own words he has saved enough to retire when he feels like.

I have never been a spend thrift but now I am more conscious about my spend and savings, as I am expecting a baby in a couple of months and there is a strong possibility that I would end up being a single mother at some stage as my boyfriend doesn’t want to marry and we aren’t covered under common law(due to our Asian nationality), so our relationship has no legal status. I have no intentions of fighting any legal battles and if we separate then I dont wish to ask him for any monetary help either (this has been communicated to him many times) as it was my decision alone to keep the baby while he was totally against it, though if baby is coming then he wants father rights.

When we had this argument on rent, he accused me several times that I am after his money. I feel extremely insulted and wonder what makes him think that when I didn’t even demand him to pay in proportion to our incomes but just half. And he has never given me any expensive gifts while I have given him more expensive gifts.

Am I over-reacting?

Should I be blaming my pregnancy hormones?

I feel like I have lost touch with reality of what relationships should be like. Appreciate if you can share your views on this particular issue and in general on how money should be contributed by men/women in relationships.

Many Thanks
Tina

[dontaskme]

Ask him to at least pay for all the food and utility expenses and if you do have to save money, move to a smaller, cheaper apartment and if he complains, he can feel free to move out and get his own apartment.

If you are living together, it's only fair to share the expenses equally (If you asked me, he should pay more since he makes a lot more than you). My BF and I each make a lot of money and we each own a house but he is a very traditional kind of guy who wants to pay for everything when we go out, go on vacations, etc., but I take care of my own bills when it comes to my house and he does the same with his house and if I stayed with him for a month, he doesn't ask me to pay for anything, but my situation is different than yours, so yeah, you are not crazy for asking him to help out. If anything, he should be more generous to you especially if he's bragging that he can retire anytime he wants because he has the money saved up.