Heart broken again

[las77]

Well here it goes. Yesterday a woman I had been dating for two months broke things off with me. She said that I was a wonderful guy and that it wasn't about me (sounds like Seinfeld), and that part of her had fallen in love with me, but there was part of her that was hesitant to attach to me. I told her that of course it was at least partially about me. We talked about all the positive qualities our relationship possessed so far and what excited me about how things were developing is that it seemed to be getting better and better in most ways. We were dedicated to communication and trying to take things slowly. But then she said she is usually attached at this point and that she didn't know if it would happen and rather than continue dating we should stop now. But then she kept saying she wanted to stop before she went in deeper meaning deeper with her feelings toward me. She said she wasn't running away, and I respect intuition but it seems odd to let this one facet and its related components dictate the entire course of the relationship. I told her the tail was wagging the dog. It seems like she was just looking for a way out because things were getting too real for her. She had a cry session before in front of me and she said that made her feel vulnerable and that usually she disappears after feeling that way and sure enough after a weekend of reflection she ended things. I sensed some conflict within her early on like she was pulling me close with one hand and pushing me away with the other. It was frustrating but I thought it was maybe just part of the process. Things really changed when I told her that I liked her and wanted to be her boyfriend about a month in. That was more about me declaring my intent and feelings for her and letting her know she was the only woman I was interested in. I wasn't trying to rush us into an exclusive relationship. I know that two months isn't much time at all in the dating world and that I should just dust myself off and move on, but I invested a lot of time and emotional energy into it. Now that I have developed some significant feelings for this woman, it's over. I'm tired of hearing from women what a special and incredible person I am, but that they don't want to be in a partnership with me. Obviously I'm not incredible or special enough or they would want to stick around. Am I wrong there? I know that I'm a good, decent man but for some reason that doesn't translate to my relationships. I don't feel like I was trying to hard. I gave her space and didn't bombard her with texts, emails, etc. I did feel like everything was running in accordance to her emotions and schedule. I would like some perspective to help me figure this situation out as I move forward with my life. And also what the hell is the difference between love and attachment. I can provide more details upon request. Thank you.

[basilandthyme]

If this is happening to you over and over again, then perhaps the problem is that you're choosing the wrong women? I don't suppose that any of the women who have rejected you have a history of volatile relationships?

[Cerby]

"The only common link in your chain of failures is yourself".

I like that saying, but the reality is you haven't found the one that works for you. You obviously know how to get the dates, just not how to develop the relationship. Once someone who really likes you for you comes along, this won't be an issue.

For now, keep dating, enjoy the physical aspect of multiple partners (because in committed long term, that is pretty much gone), and move forward until you find someone that really clicks with you.

[las77]

I don't want to let on that this has been the story of my entire dating life. I've had some great long term relationships. It just seems that the run in the past six months has gone this way. We formed a really strong connection at first and for me it lasted. Everything between us felt easy and familiar. Yes this most recent pseudo-girlfriend has had some relationships where men didn't treat her well or had mental break downs. And being completely honest I have never been in volatile relationship. I don't yell and scream or put people down or try and control them through their self worth or esteem. She told me she had never been with a guy like me before. Could you elaborate on your point please?

[las77]

No that point is well taken. I know I play a part in all of this. I just haven't had much success with the multiple partner dating scene.

[michelle23]

maybe you should stop looking, stop multiple dating. i know the dating system in america is different to where i come from but i honestly dont see how anyone could have a successful relationship if they spend the first 6 months seeing others. it makes no sense to me.

sometimes the best things happen when you least expect it so just be yourself and the right one will come along

[las77]

I agree with you michelle23. Trying to find love while juggling multiple partners just doesn't suit who I am, but I needed to figure that out. With this last girl, my attention was completely on her and no others. I know I just need to do what I need to do but it still sucks when you think something is headed one way and then it doesn't. I think I tried too hard to not see things for what they were. In the end I think the timing was just off. If we had met at a different time, who knows? But we didn't and that's what I need to deal with. Cold, hard reality. I've spent time trying to figure out the dating scene with all the little nuances and things you are supposed to do or not do. It seems impossible at times. We all have frailties, but many people have a difficult time accepting that in themselves and others. I think that played a role here. She got me sick with the flu and took it pretty hard. Said she didn't want to hurt me. It seemed like it was just an excuse to get out of there. I guess love is something that can't be chased. It will show up when it's good and ready.

[VerticalMoon]

Honestly, it just sounds like she wasn't the right girl. For whatever reason, the chemistry wasn't there for her. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, and it doesn't mean you did anything wrong. It just wasn't meant to be. There's somebody else out there for you. When you find them, things will work out better.

[SmthJay]

she just sounds like some shallow b*** who turned on croc tears.

leave her be, plenty o' fish you know lol

geez... she even had such a pretend nice line for you, I can see why you're hurt mate.
<<< been rejected like that multiple times by women and I'm a girl lol

[oceansofpeople]

Life must move on. She's not the right girl for you. Meet some girl's and hung out with them. If you feel hurt its normal, Its a part of our lives.