Advice needed desperately

[richardlamoire]

Hello everyone,

Right here it is, the rules say details so I shall overload you. Primarily I am looking for ideas/solutions to my predicament. But general ‘life changing’ personality ideas will be happily considered and used. I think I’ll break the problem down so any helpers can appreciate the complexities of the matter - simply though I am in love with my best mates sister. Thought I’d give the low-down on me, him, her, then the connections between.

Firstly, me, Richard. I’m 19 - 20 this year, at uni, can’t drive yet, at home, my job pays well but I‘m at uni so don‘t work much. Not ugly and in good shape just no muscle in my arms and I work a labour intensive job they just refuse to bulk up. Usually chivalrous and funny. Quite old fashioned like pub old fashioned not club. Am approachable and ‘good’ with dating and women bar one. Love being smart, now I am not the smartest but I pride myself in knowing stuff of all types. I also love being good at many things ranging from all sports, music, academia, art and gaming, it should be added that I am very non-competitive and am not trying to be the best.
I moved to Australia roughly 4 years ago and settled well but into a small close knit group of friends, now I have all my mates from uni as well but still it is this group that I live near and do things with. There is 4 of us total but my best mate has always been seen as like a ‘sidekick’ to me, which I despise but he doesn’t mind.

If the group were to split he would be left with nothing though as the other 2 guys sometimes don’t quite get him. I however do not want to lose him as my best friend let alone a friend. He is very self-conscious, not to smart, in bad shape but a real honest and reliable guy. He has been a bit spoilt and cannot stick up for himself. All this has resulted in him being lazy and terrible with women in every way.

Ummmm change of plan with the layout. Also 4got 2 say he’s 18 going 19 unemployed and drive me places coz he’s nice (yet he’s seen as my sidekick)

Met her and was floored by her beauty (cheesy but true). She is simply beautiful. I could adjective like mad, angelic radiant pulchritudinous etc. I know what a word. I only really became enamoured about 18months ago though, when I saw her at his house more frequently rather than monthly or less at school. 18 months is still a long time though and I’m going mental here.

She is a real girls girl who usually goes for manly men with big cars and huge muscles not uni guys with big humour and huge IQ. The provocative dresses, primary-coloured drinks and talking guys over the phone for hours is her thing. She is 17 - 18 real soon like weeks. Works at a discount store full times, I think she wants to be a airhostess but who knows anymore.

I’m great with him but terrible with her and the parents. She is smart too I know it but has just aimed low. I know her well but we barely speak because I simply can’t and for the last year I have tried to avoid her - sounds and is ridiculously stupid. Their parents are not strict or mean but smother him and think she’s a saint when she’s clearly, not they are both extremely protective and seriously detest the other 2 mates of ours.

Obviously she’s my best mates sister and I have cleared the ground rules. I have told him that I ‘like’ her and really that I’m infatuated by her. He seems to be really understanding and has offered to help but isn’t. I cannot get a convincing response however hard I try, he is either absolutely fine and I’m doubting him because I am so tired and confused with the whole issue. (Likely). Or he’s lying (Unlikely he‘s just not like that).

She doesn’t know about my feelings and by now I’m probably starting to become just her brothers friend who keeps to himself and is a bit of a loser.
As you can tell we’re really different people but I just can’t get her out of my head. I am going absolutely crazy every breathe I take is tainted and I barely sleep (its 2am here). It hurts so bad and I hate it, I want to scream, I just am so tired of this life of mine and fed up of this situation and the fact it is a situation.

Feel free to ask any reasonable questions and any advice will be dearly appreciated. Please don’t just say ask her out though. I need to keep everyone happy if I do make a move.

I will respond and try to answer any and all of the questions asked as frequently as I can.
Thanks in advance,

Richard

Ps thanks for reading this behemoth

[Progressus]

If the group were to split he would be left with nothing though as the other 2 guys sometimes don’t quite get him. I however do not want to lose him as my best friend let alone a friend. He is very self-conscious, not to smart, in bad shape but a real honest and reliable guy. He has been a bit spoilt and cannot stick up for himself. All this has resulted in him being lazy and terrible with women in every way.

The bolded part struck my eyes right away: What is this? Some sort of excuse to stay put?

You know, I could understand your point if she was your mate's girlfriend. But he's her brother, not her husband!

Met her and was floored by her beauty (cheesy but true). She is simply beautiful. I could adjective like mad, angelic radiant pulchritudinous etc. I know what a word. I only really became enamoured about 18months ago though, when I saw her at his house more frequently rather than monthly or less at school. 18 months is still a long time though and I’m going mental here.

You fell for this girl about 18 months ago? And you didn't make any kind of move?

Well, sir, then you have a problem. I don't want to sound like an all-knowing guru or something, but when I was your age I went to similar situations. You will be describing yourself as loser later on; I think this is an exaggeration, but hey, I was just like you, so I get where you're coming from.

Nonetheless, you do have a problem. You should have at least done SOMETHING, and you know that.

She is a real girls girl who usually goes for manly men with big cars and huge muscles not uni guys with big humour and huge IQ. The provocative dresses, primary-coloured drinks and talking guys over the phone for hours is her thing. She is 17 - 18 real soon like weeks. Works at a discount store full times, I think she wants to be a airhostess but who knows anymore.

The upper part sounds like an excuse again.

But, and this is something I've learned from experience, women (or: girls) at that age seldomly know what they want. Just like all women, but even more during that stage of their life, they act on emotions rather than logic. So I get the point, but unless you've ACTED (and up to now you clearly haven't!), you'll never know what this girl is really into.

I’m great with him but terrible with her and the parents. She is smart too I know it but has just aimed low. I know her well but we barely speak because I simply can’t and for the last year I have tried to avoid her - sounds and is ridiculously stupid. Their parents are not strict or mean but smother him and think she’s a saint when she’s clearly, not they are both extremely protective and seriously detest the other 2 mates of ours.

I don't know, but I don't see what her parents have to do with you.

Clearly, from the way you write, it sounds like you're scared of that girl. Or scared of getting rejected. Either way, seriously, you should be a man about it and try to escalate. It's not like you should have sex with her this week, I'm not talking about going that fast. But you should establish some sort of frame in which the two of you at least start talking and flirting, then you can go from there.

Obviously she’s my best mates sister and I have cleared the ground rules. I have told him that I ‘like’ her and really that I’m infatuated by her. He seems to be really understanding and has offered to help but isn’t. I cannot get a convincing response however hard I try, he is either absolutely fine and I’m doubting him because I am so tired and confused with the whole issue. (Likely). Or he’s lying (Unlikely he‘s just not like that).

Sounds weird. What does it mean he doesn't help? Doesn't he give you any feedback or what is it?

She doesn’t know about my feelings and by now I’m probably starting to become just her brothers friend who keeps to himself and is a bit of a loser.
As you can tell we’re really different people but I just can’t get her out of my head. I am going absolutely crazy every breathe I take is tainted and I barely sleep (its 2am here). It hurts so bad and I hate it, I want to scream, I just am so tired of this life of mine and fed up of this situation and the fact it is a situation.

Listen, NEVER tell her how you feel (or better: how you think you feel). Never.

Instead, SHOW her that you've progressed. Show her, what kind of man you are, don't talk about it. She'll notice.

Oh, and don't forget the all-around advice for these type of situations (I know, you don't want to hear it, but it needs to be said regardless): Meet, date and lay some other chicks. Possible outcomes: (1) You learn that there's more than just THIS ONE girl, (2) she learns that you're actually a pretty cool guy to be around.

Just my two cents...

[lovefool87]

Progressus, thank you for breaking it down! I didn't understand a word this guy said! The run-on sentences threw me off. So basically he is in love with his 'unintelligent sidekick's" sister? But he hasn't made a move? I'm so confused.

Most of this confusion could be avoided if you'd just talk to the girl! I promise if she turns you down, you'll still be breathing.

[girl68]

I think all you want is closure. If she hasn't shown a little interst in you by now she doesn't see you as potential bf. Ask her out get rejected and let that be that. If you can't bear rejection just bugger off.